Cheated on by ex-gf - confused feelings about NC (no contact)

[MrHonestleeful]

Ex-gf of nearly 3 years (living with me) goes out with old classmate she used to have a thing for, ignores me through the night as she tells him of her feelings for him.

 

After that, she comes to my place and tells me that we cannot be together citing lingering issues between us (cultural differences, religion, etc). I hesitantly accept that we have to break up... but am very emotional and confused at this point, especially because she too expresses doubts about breaking up (and we sleep together in a moment of passion).

 

In hindsight, I should have broken off all ties with her when she told me about her telling the other guy of her feelings for him... however, I was in shock and was desperately trying to fix things between us.

 

Wearing my rose-coloured lenses I give her many chances to explain herself - and she appears nonchalant, unregretful but says she knew she should have told me her feelings about us and things earlier. She says I'm super precious to her and she wants to always be there for me - and in my desperation/emotions I gladly accept that.

 

I push her for answers about the other guy and why she betrayed me, to which she responds very very disrespectfully to me. She tells me that we're broken up and now she owes me nothing and even though she promised me the answers I deserve, I "wouldn't get everything I deserved in life". She then tells me she wants nothing to do with me and asks me to never contact her again. She tells a mutual friend to try and get me to hate her to help me move on.

This happened 2 weeks ago and it's been NC and also emotionally traumatic for me since then.

 

I know that her hiding things from me was absolutely disrespectful to our long relationship. Now that my emotions have settled and I've had time to introspect on our relationship and the events that happened, I so so so wish that I had broken up with her and established NC when I observed her nonchalance and impenitent behaviour about meeting the other guy.

 

The way she established NC has left me really hurt and confused, and that's not because of the NC itself. It's because I was supposed to be the one who established NC for myself after HER mistakes and disrespect towards me. Reddit, I know I ed up by giving her chances and asking her to redeem herself (she seemed like she truly wanted to) and what's done is done. I now feel embarrassed for having been that vulnerable (and desperate) with her, as she was so callous and inconsiderate.

 

Therefore, my feelings about the established NC are very mixed and I really hope that she realizes her mistake in the future (pointless for me to move on but one hopes for things). Looking for your opinions/suggestions/perspectives.

[Wiseman2]

Continued contact, sleeping together or expecting straight answers will drive you crazy. She was cheating and cited these differences as the reason. She also requested not to contact her. All you can really do to move on and heal is let it go.

[dave_1966]

She may well realise her mistake in the future, it'll be after Mr New has done something terrible and she wants to finish with him (or he finishes with her). Hopefully by then you'll be way past caring for this callous person and not spare her a moment of your valuable time. Block her.