Should I get back in touch with this guy?

[coastline]

I am in my early 20s, and this story connects to last year (summer 2015). I was actually walking out of club, and some guy grabbed my hand and told me I was the most "beautiful girl ever" and etc. You can fill in the gap of compliments.

We go home together, and it's the first time I'd done that. I had literally taken 10 shots or so (had really high tolerance last summer), and was privately emotionally wrecked at the time.

 

To put it into context, I had been almost forcing myself to leave the house and go out to the city with friends because I was still reeling from emotions of what had happened in summer of 2014, when I had been assaulted (what would've been 'last summer' at the time for me). I just thought it'd be healthy to be out of the house and doing things instead of sitting around at home moping.

 

Regardless, when I did go home with this guy, I somehow tell him I have been sexually assaulted, and that we can't have sex. I told him I don't do hookups and etc, and haven't ever had sex. I had not told a soul about this- not my family, not my best friend- no matter how intoxicated I am/was. That is something that stands out to me. He was just so kind and was an absolute sweetheart about it. We cuddle and talk for God knows how long about politics and economics, and life in general. I had never met anyone like that. I feel like we really connected. He kept saying he'd never met anyone like me and that he'd love to take me out on a date.

 

Insists on taking me out on a date, and because of my lack of trust, I just tell him I don't do that. We go out for food the next day, super hungover and awkward and get food and I insist on paying for both of us, which I do.

 

We meet up the next day, and for four or so more days. I even show him around my campus, and we lay in the grass just talking. We cuddle, talk, and make out for four nights straight. The last night I saw him, he masturbates on my bed. I mean we were 'hardcore making out,' as people say, and sure masturbation is natural. I don't really care that he did it, and obviously wish that he hadn't- but I just feel like this is the only reason that makes getting back in touch with him awkward and weird.

He was going back to his country (he lives in Europe), was just working briefly for the summer in the states) and said he'd come back so we can hang out one more night. He never did. I didn't care much for it, and so I delete him on media (snapchat, text). He tries adding me back, and I ignore him. Move on with my life, completely forgot about him.

 

Fast forward to today: I am studying/working abroad in the same, exact city as him at his 'rival' university across town. This is all around the same time last year...

 

I don't even know if I want to call this a coincidence, and a basis that one should have to reconnect with someone. I have met many guys, and it really strikes me as frustrating and strange that came off as so genuine. I don't even understand why I am thinking about him, it's pretty annoying to be honest. The fact that he masturbated on my bed is the only reason that draws me back from getting in touch with him, as it is incredibly awkward. I also think that he was essentially 'some guy from the club' at the root of it. Maybe I am overthinking it? I was also an emotional mess back then, and have since changed so much (back in the 'prime' of my personality). I told him too much, and he did something that is really weird (wish he hadn't). We both had our strange faults.

 

I wouldn't mind meeting for tea/coffee or drinks or something like that. However, I am uneasy and cannot rationalize getting in touch with him for the reason(s) indicated.

 

 

Should I get in touch with him? Any advice is surely appreciated! Thank you in advance!

[Clinton]

Have you dealt with YOUR issues yet. If not then it's pointless

[Wiseman2]

I agree that he is just some guy from a club with a few sexually charged dates. Why not date other guys and start fresh, this sounds like it was just a fling/encounter and he has probably moved on.

The last night I saw him, he masturbates on my bed. I am studying/working abroad in the same, exact city as him. I also think that he was essentially 'some guy from the club' at the root of it.

[coastline]

Yes, I definitely have.

[coastline]

I agree that he is just some guy from a club with a few sexually charged dates. Why not date other guys and start fresh, this sounds like it was just a fling/encounter and he has probably moved on.

 

 

You're probably right....but it was strange because in the moment it didn't feel like that. I have found most guys to be interested in going on 'sexually charged' dates, regardless. Maybe it's a generational thing.

[Clinton]

Thing is, he lives Europe. You in all likelihood are not going to be staying there full time. So even if he was interested, the relationship has a shelf life.

 

If all you want is company while you're there that's one thing, but a relationship that will work.is quite another.

 

And given your past history, is a fling really that healthy for you?

 

You're a grown up, so you get to decide. Just really think about it.

[coastline]

Thing is, he lives Europe. You in all likelihood are not going to be staying there full time. So even if he was interested, the relationship has a shelf life.

 

If all you want is company while you're there that's one thing, but a relationship that will work.is quite another.

 

And given your past history, is a fling really that healthy for you?

 

You're a grown up, so you get to decide. Just really think about it.

 

I completely agree with you. I wouldn't mind just being friends or having a fling or whatnot. I think I can manage, and that any 'fling' (even though I haven't had one) would be something I can deal with, bc I think it would be a learning experience. It's not like I want/plan one, but I am saying I would not mind, despite, the given history/context. I am going to be here for a year +.

 

Thank you so much for your input.

 

To clarify, is it strange for me to get in touch with him, with all that context? I would like to know what others think, outside of myself. This is not for the sake of the fact that I may ask get in touch, but rather to just know in general.

[Clinton]

Nothing wrong with touching base with an old acquaintance

[coastline]

Nothing wrong with touching base with an old acquaintance

Thanks for keeping it simple.

 

Sorry, just one quick follow up question- even if he did what he 'did' on my bed?

Isn't that a ground of generally agreed upon 'indecency' which would propagate that it is completely improper to reach out? Just clarifying.

[Wiseman2]

Try not to generalize. It isn't a moral issue. If it grossed you out personally don't date/contact him again. Simple. Meet new guys, why go backwards?

even if he did what he 'did' on my bed? Isn't that a ground of generally agreed upon 'indecency' which would propagate that

[Clinton]

Thanks for keeping it simple.

 

Sorry, just one quick follow up question- even if he did what he 'did' on my bed?

Isn't that a ground of generally agreed upon 'indecency' which would propagate that it is completely improper to reach out? Just clarifying.

 

You say you made out for four straight nights. Not sure what your definition of making out is but in my experience that gets pretty sexual. So in that context masturbating can be OK.

[Ms Darcy]

My general advise is to slow down on drinking and going home with strangers. You are pretty lucky that he wasn't some psycho.

 

Have you gotten any counseling for what you've been through?

[Sportster2005]

Whatever you decide, and however you decide it, I don't think him masturbating should be an issue.

[coastline]

My general advise is to slow down on drinking and going home with strangers. You are pretty lucky that he wasn't some psycho.

 

Have you gotten any counseling for what you've been through?

 

 

 

Yes, but that was a completely unrelated matter- it happened on a date.