Iknowaline Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Ok- so first read this post He ended up messaging maybe an hour after i wrote that post and asked me to meet him . I ended up going to meet him that night with friends- the night was going GREAT - he asked me to come home with him and i agreed to. I noticed all night a girl kept looking at me strangely and kind of following him around.. I didn't mind- he isn't my boyfriend. I even introduced myself to her bc i didn't recognize her. He kept coming back to me always though... later the night when we were leaving (my best friend and her bf, and me and my guy) the random girl followed us- where he walked with her instead of me...i played it cool just talking to my friend and saw a taxi and hailed it- looking at him saying goodbye, standing next to the random strange girl... I then texted him "you wont ever touch me again- have fun with her) I cried- we have never had the exclusive talk and i dont care if he sees other people but only jerks do it in your face- right? 15 minutes pass then he texts me " i understand" again- "can i call you" Again- 10 minutes later "Let me tell you that I was only telling her to go home when you got into the taxi" He called me twice I called him back minutes later- wanting to hear what he had to say... He told me she doesn't live in our city and was just visiting for the night and randomly showed up- he had told her he was with me that night but she didnt get it and followed him around (which i saw throughout the night) and he hasnt touched her in months... He then asked if he could come over to explain better.. i let him When he got to my place he automatically said "im sorry- i should have been more direct with her but she is kind of crazy and i didn't want to hurt her feelings" I then told him that" he doesn't owe me anything because he isn't my boyfriend but i didn't expect him to disrespect me like that" he kept saying he was sorry... then he looked at me and said " we have to stop whatever this is- i didn't expect to like you this much and i don't want anything heavy"....I told him i didn't expect to like him either and he was right and should leave... then he said "i dont want to leave you"- and touched my face and started holding me really tight..he slept over- no sex..held me like a doll all night then left the next morning for work..kissing me goodbye and saying "no more fights" as he walked out the door.... CONFUSING That day /night he messaged me more than usual... Saturday- his friends bday- within about 15 minutes of me arriving he walked right up to me and tried to kiss me but i had food in my mouth so he kissed my forehead...in front of everyone...we had the BEST day and night- he came over mine and slept and left the next day--- we had sex the next day and it was very passionate and slow...more like love making. I went out of town for 4 days on holidays where he texted me if could pick me up from the airport when i arrived back. He did and i went over his- exhausted at 130am....took a shower and he just held me saying its ok if i was too tired for sex..but we eventually had it... Last night- his two girl cousins came in for the weekend and he messaged me when he got home-- something someone casual doesn't do- right? He messaged me photos of him and his cousins today then just now asked me what i am doing tonight I just talked to a girlfriend about my situation and explained everything to her... the confusion between us... She said he is just being nice to me because i am having sex with him.. it hurt... I was thinking if he was- why would he behave this way? but maybe he is ...i think i am starting to like my "casual friend" too much... it wasn't supposed to be this way. I think we are both..maybe in the same boat oh yes - we have been casually seeing eachother about 5 weeks now Link to comment
Itchy Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Most guys will have sex with a woman who offers it to him because men are the pursuers and it's harder for men to get laid, but women seem to think because they're spreading their legs that they are suddenly entitled to change the goal posts and want/seek/demand a relationship. Now you're in a situation where you seem to want something more and he probably doesn't, though you won't know until you sit down and discuss this dilemma with him. Link to comment
Iknowaline Posted July 9, 2016 Author Share Posted July 9, 2016 I don't know if i want more... I just didn't expect to like him this much... but why would be act a certain way with me? We do other things than just having sex Link to comment
Itchy Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 I don't know if i want more... I just didn't expect to like him this much... but why would be act a certain way with me? We do other things than just having sex You're asking me a question that I cannot answer because I have not him and you have given me no information for me to give any possible predictions in regards to the way he acts with you. To me it sounds like he just views as a friend he has sex with and when he started interacting more with this other woman than you, you threw your toys out of the pram and made unnecessary drama because you know that the FWB situation has back fired on you because you didn't bank on developing feelings for him. It sounds to me like he spent the night with you because you're probably one of the few or only women he has on his radar at the moment, so is spinning you a web to keep you around for his own self gratification. If a man wants to commit to a woman he'll let the woman know exactly what he wants and unless this guy does that then I don't think he wants anything more than sex. I could be wrong, there is of course one way to find out, try talking to him. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 He is playing you like a cheap violin. Oh, and nice guy for tossing another girl under the bus as she's so dumb and so crazy she just keeps following me around all night. Like he couldn't just walk over to you and ignore her and leave with you? Come on, you need to dump this guy. He's using you for sex only yeah, but you're letting him so you kind of really only have yourself to blame when this keeps happening. We teach others how to treat us. Link to comment
Itchy Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 I disagree with the assertion that she is being "played like a violin", she agreed to this arrangement and has now suddenly decided to change the arrangement based on her feelings. He's just keeping his end of the bargain and I don't think he can be faulted for looking after his own self interests. She on the other hand has moved the goal posts and has now decided she wants something more and instead of acting like a mature adult, she has behaved in a rather cretinous manner and has caused unnecessary drama. I would suggest that the OP picks up her toys and sits down and has a sensible discussion about what she wants. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 I think you are infusing a lot of drama where there shouldn't be. Either he's your fwb and what he does with other girls doesn't matter or he's someone you are seriously dating. But without a title, he's a free agent. So cut out the theatrics and decide what you want. Link to comment
missmarple Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 Like others have said, you have to be clear about what you want before you start analyzing other people's behavior and motives and before you start handing out statements like 'you'll never touch me again'. Do you want him to be your b/f, a friend or a FWB? Seriously, how hard can it be to know what you want from a guy? Unless you're 15 or something (I hope you're not!), you should know by now. Next step is you sit him down and tell him. But I think that, deep down, you know you want a relationship and he doesn't and that's the problem here...and a problem that can't be solved. We can't make people want the same things we do..and labelling his behavior confusing (when to all of us here and your friend, too, is anything but) is something you do just because you don't want to admit to yourself that FWB's is the only thing you'll ever get out of this guy. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 There's absolutely nothing confusing going on here. He wants sex, and only sex from you. You want more, and you're not going to get it. You're welcome. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 Since he clearly said he didn't want anything "heavy" with you then I have to ask why you are allowing him to cross casual boundaries like sleeping over and cuddling and doing bonding rituals with you. If you only want casual then schtuup him and then ask him to leave. Tell him you'll contact him when you're horny again. He stepped up the bonding rituals because he's testing you. "You'll never touch me again" was clearly over-ridden with a "she's crazy" when she is likely feeling just as confused as you are with his player ways. Pick your flavour, op. Either you are casual and you just enjoy each other sexually without all the bonding that is confusing you or you cut out the interaction all together because he's not feeling you the way you're feeling him. Oh, he likes the sex and the conquering of the "you'll never touch me again" but that's about the extent of his fondness for you. Speak candidly to him about what you want (will you ever be able to trust him if he gives you exclusivity?) and if he's still not wanting "anything heavy" then go zero contact so that you can get over your addiction to him and the drama he causes you emotionally. You've given him all of your personal power so it's now up to you to do what you have to do to get that back. Link to comment
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