laylani2323 Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 I went on a double date the other night, my friend has been seeing her guy for a few weeks and I was meeting my date for the first time (friend of my friends guy). Unfortunately, my date at the end of the night was getting too aggressive, and when I was pulling away from him he kept pulling me back and trying to force his tongue down my throat. My friends guy claims he didn't know any part of what was going on (although he was with us the entire time) and thought we were really hitting it off. I personally do not believe that is the truth. Anyone else been on a double date and completely oblivious to what the other couple was doing? I almost feel like him not steeping in at all and getting his friend to back off he is partly to blame... or am I being too harsh? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Maybe they did think you two were kissing mutually who knows? Did you want him to pull this guy off you and start a barroom brawl, if you weren't even saying anything? I would avoid double dates with those two I personally do not believe that is the truth. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 The only one "to blame" would be the guy that couldn't take "no" for an answer. You did tell him "no," right? To your question: Yes, (many, many moons ago) when I was on a double date, I was oblivious to what my cousin and her boyfriend were up to because I was busy making out with my date. I suppose that had my cousin shouted out in fear or indignation at something her boyfriend was doing, I would have realized something was out of whack and have come to her aid. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Since this guy barely knows your friend, let alone you, then you can't expect him to know you weren't interested in kissing his friend. In that situation you have to take care of yourself. Was there a reason you did not leave? Link to comment
laylani2323 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 Yes I told him no, and not only that but he was being forceful and grabbing my head when I repeatedly kept pulling away Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 That's really bad. Was there a way you could tell your friends and/or just leave? Have you told your friend about it yet?Yes I told him no, and not only that but he was being forceful and grabbing my head when I repeatedly kept pulling away Link to comment
laylani2323 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 I didn't want anyone to fight, but maybe its just me that thinks if you see that your friend is out of line, that you would step in and say something. I don't know for sure the deal, and you could be right that he thought it was mutual, I guess I just thought with how uncomfortable and upset I was and that my friend knew I was, I thought he knew. Maybe they did think you two were kissing mutually who knows? Did you want him to pull this guy off you and start a barroom brawl, if you weren't even saying anything? I would avoid double dates with those two Link to comment
laylani2323 Posted June 20, 2016 Author Share Posted June 20, 2016 Yes my friend knew. We met up at one spot then went with them to another spot but went it one car. I will say things were going pretty well until the end of the date, that is when he started getting handsy and aggressive That's really bad. Was there a way you could tell your friends and/or just leave? Have you told your friend about it yet? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Yes I told him no, and not only that but he was being forceful and grabbing my head when I repeatedly kept pulling away Well, of course, you won't be seeing him again. Don't blame the other guy for what this guy did though. Unless you actually made it clear that you were uncomfortable so that the other guy knew without a doubt that the guy kissing you was being out of line, I guess you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd certainly make sure he knows the blind date guy is a jerk (if you haven't already) and that he should feel free to pass that information along to Mr. Jerk. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 Yes I told him no, and not only that but he was being forceful and grabbing my head when I repeatedly kept pulling away I'm sorry you had that experience. It's hard but try not to have other people be mindreaders or act according to your personal expectations of friendship. Link to comment
tracyis300 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Real talk? The majority of men/guys don't even want to double date. We just go along with it because we want to get closer to the girl we are seeing. Old boy just didn't care what was going on with you two(even though things were looking good, so he most likely assumed). His friend had one job, and that was to keep you occupied so that he can be alone with his girl. If you got a compliant? Then you take it up with the guy you were sit-up with. Because he just didn't want to hear it(and lied about it), and he is not responsible for someone else's actions(for any given time). I understand that the experience was awful, and you did your best to keep calm and in hopes of the situation to be handled out of respect from the other party. But seeing that the issue wouldn't resolve with help, then you should've taken action and ended your night there by telling the guy to stop because you're not feeling him and then distance yourself from him to show that your words mean true! And don't try to pin this on old boy, because your girlfriend was there too! Link to comment
laylani2323 Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 I completely get where you are coming from. I guess I just thought that he and my friend were with us the entire night, and although he claims he thought things were fine, I have come to learn that he knew his friend was behaving very inappropriately and was being too aggressive with me physically. I guess I just feel that if he was a good person, he should have stepped in and told his friend to stop, seeing as me doing so was not working, and my girlfriend saying something wasn't going to do anything either. Not saying he had to yell at or get physical with his friend or anything of the sort. Is that so wrong that 2 small girls shouldn't have to had to take care of it, but he should have handled things with his own friend? I know he is not responsible for his friends actions, I completely agree with that, but I don't agree that it is an excuse to stand by and say nothing when he knows his friend is out of line. Real talk? The majority of men/guys don't even want to double date. We just go along with it because we want to get closer to the girl we are seeing. Old boy just didn't care what was going on with you two(even though things were looking good, so he most likely assumed). His friend had one job, and that was to keep you occupied so that he can be alone with his girl. If you got a compliant? Then you take it up with the guy you were sit-up with. Because he just didn't want to hear it(and lied about it), and he is not responsible for someone else's actions(for any given time). I understand that the experience was awful, and you did your best to keep calm and in hopes of the situation to be handled out of respect from the other party. But seeing that the issue wouldn't resolve with help, then you should've taken action and ended your night there by telling the guy to stop because you're not feeling him and then distance yourself from him to show that your words mean true! And don't try to pin this on old boy, because your girlfriend was there too! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Really, it doesn't matter anymore. You aren't going to see the guy again and it's over. If you are looking to be right in this situation, I'm not really sure what that gets you. In the future, just don't double date with this guy so you don't have the expectation for him to step in for you. Link to comment
tracyis300 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 When you said,an excuse to stand by and say nothing when he knows his friend is out of line. Is exactly what you did also, as well as your friend too? "Nothing" Don't rely on people that you beryl met or assume common sense! So don't share the blame on something that can be handled independently. The date was going smooth to the point of where the 2 party's can go off and do their own thing?(so everyone was well acquainted). So when the guy tried to make a move on you? And "you" weren't having it by giving no play! Showed seeing eyes that you are handling the situation! So you really can't blame him for not butting in on his friend trying to make the "magic" happen. Now of course if he were grabbing and forcing restraint? Then yes! He should've taken action(as well as others that were around you) to stop him from proceeding his molesting behavior. The world can be cruel, but also provide a learning experience to better our future. Link to comment
laylani2323 Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 Now of course if he were grabbing and forcing restraint? QUOTE] That is exactly what I am saying. This guy was physically grabbing my waist and my head and forcing me towards him when I repeatedly kept pulling back. That is what I meant when I said "he was physically aggressive". It's not about being right or wrong, and I definitely agree with a lot of what you are saying and may be acting somewhat harsh, but I don't understand what has happened to todays society. The reason we stayed in a group was because I did not know this guy at all, and therefore was never ok with it just being him and I alone, which we never were. I am 5'3 and not very strong and this man was about 6'1 and a lot stronger than me, yet I am being told that I should have just handled it on my own and not expected any help. I tried to handle it on my own, it did not work, and am now afraid that if I go out again with someone I don't know well and someone else gets physically aggressive and tries to get sexual and force themselves on me that not only should I not expect any help, but that I apparently will get ridiculed for hoping that a man would step in and help me out Link to comment
tracyis300 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Now of course if he were grabbing and forcing restraint? QUOTE] That is exactly what I am saying. This guy was physically grabbing my waist and my head and forcing me towards him when I repeatedly kept pulling back. That is what I meant when I said "he was physically aggressive". It's not about being right or wrong, and I definitely agree with a lot of what you are saying and may be acting somewhat harsh, but I don't understand what has happened to todays society. The reason we stayed in a group was because I did not know this guy at all, and therefore was never ok with it just being him and I alone, which we never were. I am 5'3 and not very strong and this man was about 6'1 and a lot stronger than me, yet I am being told that I should have just handled it on my own and not expected any help. I tried to handle it on my own, it did not work, and am now afraid that if I go out again with someone I don't know well and someone else gets physically aggressive and tries to get sexual and force themselves on me that not only should I not expect any help, but that I apparently will get ridiculed for hoping that a man would step in and help me out No! The point is that you are trying to share the blame on someone that had no control over another persons actions. And what he attempted to do? Is a topical text book move on showing ones affection(which I personally wouldn't recommend). Of course i wasn't there nor do i know how everything planned out?(was there alcohol involved or was he being led on?). But don't use your disadvantages as a excuse to say "this is your fault" because at the end? The guy eventually got the clue and stopped! Because if he didn't? It could've ended far worse than a bad date. It sucks that this happened to you and i feel disgusted that there are people bold enough to act out in this kind of behavior. But don't let this be a traumatizing experience that would change your view on today's society. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 Decide what your goal would be for blaming the other guy, and consider potential outcomes. Do you want your friend to break up with her BF? Do you want to break up with your friend? Consider what kind of strife such an accusation may cause, and then decide whether it's worth it to you to pursue that route. If I was concerned enough about my blind date getting aggressive, I would have first warned him to knock it off, and if that didn't work, I'd have asked friend's BF if he would do me a favor and curb his friend. But no, I wouldn't expect friend's BF to automatically know that I was trouble without any effort on my part to alert him to that fact. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 21, 2016 Share Posted June 21, 2016 I went on a double date the other night, my friend has been seeing her guy for a few weeks and I was meeting my date for the first time (friend of my friends guy). Unfortunately, my date at the end of the night was getting too aggressive, and when I was pulling away from him he kept pulling me back and trying to force his tongue down my throat. My friends guy claims he didn't know any part of what was going on (although he was with us the entire time) and thought we were really hitting it off. I personally do not believe that is the truth. Anyone else been on a double date and completely oblivious to what the other couple was doing? I almost feel like him not steeping in at all and getting his friend to back off he is partly to blame... or am I being too harsh? No one could possibly know what your friend thought, or didn't think. You asked him, and he told you. You know him better than we do. Link to comment
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