Seeking a man's input re first date sex

[GATSBY]

I have been divorced for over 5 years, and have just recently put myself "back out there". Because I live in a small town and don't wish to mix my personal life with mommy duties, I decided to try internet dating, and keep it in another city. I own my own business...am independent, self reliant, self assured and intelligent.....and not looking for anything serious at this time, just something fun. I also happen to be tall, blonde and in great physical shape. So, I had this date....the physical attraction was mutual, the chemistry was great and so we had sex on the first date....which I initiated. I have no regrets about this for I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I needed a night of great sex. Since my divorce over 5 years ago, I have only slept with one other person. Because our physical attraction was mutual, I didn't shrink from telling him that I would love to do it again. At first he seemed receptive, but now he is giving me the brush off. So...thought I would get some men's opinions on this subject because before I was married, if a really attractive women told a guy that she just wanted sex with no strings, most guys would have jumped at the opportunity. Have men changed so much?? He is 30 and thus younger than me, but aren't 30 year old guys into great sex with no strings?? LOL. Ok guys....what's up?? I would love some feedback on what goes on in your minds. LOL

[tanned_production]

I'm not a guy... but no men are responding so I thought I'd give it a shot.

 

I think you just need to talk to him... ask him how he enjoyed the date, and if he'd like to go out again sometime.

 

Not all men are just after sex with no strings attached... some men actually want commitment, believe it or not.

 

but i agree... the male species is confusing and its hard to tell what they want... just talk to this guy!

 

[annie24]

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Funny - there was just a long post on this a few days ago, from the man's perspective....

[annie24]

And here's another one:

 

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[DN]

I am sure you are exactly as you describe and are very attractive. But there may have been something about you, or the date, or the sex, that was just not what he is looking for. Perhaps to him you are overly independent, or overly attractive, he may even be intimidated by that. It may be he is not looking for a relationship and fears it may turn into one; he may be concerned that you have kids. He may have met someone else he prefers.

 

A lot of 'mays' - but it could be any one of them or something different. Unless you ask him you won't know; but be aware that if you do ask him, you may not like the answer.

 

My advice would be to keep looking - I bet there are plenty of men who would love a chance to be with you.

[annie24]

I agree with DN - could be any number of a million reasons. Some may do with you, others may not. Yeah, chalk this one up to experience. I wouldn't push him for an answer though, like DN said, he may have something to say which won't be fun to hear. And, it might make you feel bad, but it's only one man's opinion. Like DN said, I bet tons of other men think you're quite a catch.

 

But, at least you got some of your needs met, if only for one night....

[Day_Walker]

It can all depend on the kind of guy he is. Some guys are more into the hit and run method rather than ongoing purely sexual relationship. Its just the luck of the draw with the kind of guy you end up getting.

[sparkey]

from experience,.

 

I was in what might be a similar situation. She had told me that she only wanted a somewhat serious realtionship in that sex & dating. She wanted me to be only her "friend" which was ok.

 

The sex was great, we had a lot of fun. Then she asked me to come over to her house after about 4 months and her children stopped in. That was ok, BUT she made a comment how nice it felt. Almost like a complete home. We started to date, with her children. Even took a weekend vacation together. ON that vacation she commented how great it was, everyone together, having fun, etc.

 

Well, our relationship slowly developed into more than "friends" and it was something we both decided to persue. I let my guard down, started opening up to the possibilit of more. I entertained the idea and liked it because not only was the sex great, but we shared many other common interests and likes.

 

THEN, BAMMM! She throws the "I dont want TOO SERIOUS of a relationship!" Mind, you she basically was the one that steered it that direction.

 

It was tough! It hurt and I swore NO WAY IN HELL to put myself in that position again!!!! He may have a similar experience!

 

Ask him, to know for sure.

[GATSBY]

I just want to extend my appreciation and thanks to all of you for your opinions and insights.

Thanks,

 

Gatsby

[al7]

I have been divorced for over 5 years

 

It is quite simple then: you gotta tell him that "no strings, it is just for pleasure". Did you tell him that? I am not sure from what I read.

 

I am very much agree with sparkey here

if you don't want a relationship say it:

"I dont want TOO SERIOUS of a relationship". Say it right away and leave him no doubt about what you said by your action.

 

Also I guess he can be simply intimidated by too independent woman.

I would be, for example.

[DN]

He might think of you as a wh0re since you had sex with him on the first date.

Jaiva

 

in which case he would be a real nasty person who would be also be a hypocrite

[al7]

in which case he would be a real nasty person who would be also be a hypocrite

 

Why you, guys, are so... emotional? Calling names without even a little explanation "why".

 

Look, he might think so if he is shopping for a wife,

especially in rural kinda communities. Then I would not call him a nasty person, it is just a way he is.

 

Moreover I don't think many men would think it terms of that nasty names for their women. Early sex might intimidate men somwhat though, since it would appear that they have lost their control over "who is doing what". Men are taught to be masculine and if a woman is talking initiative it may looks like these women are more masculine than men.

Plus it is a "surprise": even in our modern days not mamy men would expect her to take initiative.

[DN]

in which case he would be a real nasty person who would be also be a hypocrite

 

Why you, guys, are so... emotional? Calling names without even a little explanation "why".

 

Look, he might think so if he is shopping for a wife,

especially in rural kinda communities. Then I would not call him a nasty person, it is just a way he is.

 

Moreover I don't think many men would think it terms of that nasty names for their women. Early sex might intimidate men somwhat though, since it would appear that they have lost their control over "who is doing what". Men are taught to be masculine and if a woman is talking initiative it may looks like these women are more masculine than men.

Plus it is a "surprise": even in our modern days not mamy men would expect her to take initiative.

 

the explanation why should be self-explanatory. A hypocrite in this case is someone who expects a standard of behaviour that he is not prepared to impose on himself. You can call that emotional if you like - it is not, but it is your right to try to rebut the assertion with an inaccurate description of it.

[MetalJoe]

So...thought I would get some men's opinions on this subject because before I was married, if a really attractive women told a guy that she just wanted sex with no strings, most guys would have jumped at the opportunity.

 

I'll give you a definite answer should the opportunity ever arise ;-) For me, that's not what I'm looking for so I'd politely decline. I'm not one for no-strings sex and never have been, if I'm honest. Other guys are different - I certainly know a lot who wouldn't hesitate to say "YES!".

[puswit]

Sparkey hit the nail on the head for me also.

I am the kind of man who has become very cynical about women and their intentions with me. If I get relaxed and let my guard down, I can fall for her very heavily. Thats when you seem to get that line of "oh its getting too heavy now" - It really really puts me off falling for another woman .

 

Its so sad because you cant accurately gauge whether its lust or love in the first few months. And even if you can, you become critical of it.

 

Once we learn how to make that distinction, we will keep getting trampled on and used over and over and over again.