Exes sister texted me...

[ShannonM10]

I have written on here a lot in regards to my breakup, and am slowly getting there. I just needed some advice on this situation. So after me and my ex broke up I talked with his sister ALOT. She obviously would have had things differently if it was her choice, we got along great..and she was really not happy with the way he went about things. I eventually had to stop myself from talking to her because I would find out things from her and it was really setting me back. She felt like he regretted things but screwed up badly and had to lay in his bed. I have not talked with her in over 2.5-3 months and then she randomly texted me on Saturday night. At first I decided not to read it that night because I was scared she was telling me something about my exes new gf and I didn't want to hurt myself. I waited until the next day and waited a few hours before responding after reading it. She basically stated that she really missed me, really hoped I was doing ok and sent me a picture. She went on to say that there dad was in for an MRI and it was very important..and she wanted me to send good vibes. I eventually wrote back that I missed her a lot too and to send my love to her, her husband and my exes other brother. I also stated that I hoped that her dad was ok and that I felt like he would be fine! She wrote back she appreciated my kind words.

 

I am somewhat torn now. I really care about my exes family and want to let him know I am hoping his dad will be ok. I know that that's not my place now as he replaced me over night with someone else...its this new persons job to be there for him. And I worry that he would be upset with his sister for contacting me and telling me. His sister had obviously been drinking and got nostalgic for whatever reason. I miss my ex terribly but don't want to stir the pot and get involved in something I have no business being involved. I guess even though I know deep down its a bad idea and I probably wont reach out to say that I hope his dads ok, I just wonder what other peoples opinions are on the situation. I never wrote back to his sister after she thanked me. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[ThatwasThen]

I really care about my exes family and want to let him know I am hoping his dad will be ok.

But you did that already when you replied to her text.

 

Let it go now. If you want to know how the MRI goes then text/contact her one more time and ask her to please keep you informed about his health as you are concerned for him and his well being. Keep your brief missive to that about her father and nothing to do with your ex. Keep your ex out of the conversation altogether even if she brings him up. This IS about you and your concern and not you and your ex. Right?

[abitbroken]

Do not write her again. You responded to her last text - the best thing to do is move forward, because it doesn't help you move on communicating with his sister. If you met the sister first, were coworkers for years and she introduced you two, it would be one thing, but that is not the case. She was drunk and nostalgic. I would let sleeping dogs lie. It is interrupting your healing. I would NOT further the conversation and inquire about dad again

[Wiseman2]

She's toxic. Block her from everything, she has no boundaries. If she cared about you she would leave you alone and let you move on, give you a play by play about your ex etc.. You're not part of that family.

I would find out things from her and it was really setting me back. His sister had obviously been drinking and got nostalgic for whatever reason

[gypsybird87]

I was very close with my ex husband's family. When he left me for another woman, I tried to hang on to them. They tried to hang on to me as well. I loved them and they loved me, so it seemed unfair that we should all lose each other just because my ex turned out to be a cheating POS.

 

Ultimately, this failed. Nothing bad happened really... but I was simply not able to move on as long as I was still in contact with them. It kept me tied to him, even indirectly, and that was not good for me. Also his family began accepting the new woman who had taken my place. They had to- he didn't given them any choice. But it was agony to picture the family get togethers, with HER sitting in there in the place I still thought of as 'mine'. I didn't start to truly heal until I let those family bonds go. It was sad at first, but then I felt relief. I didn't make any declarations of ending contact, I just stopped initiating and sent back briefer and briefer replies. Things quietly faded and I am content with that.

 

My advice to you is to say a little prayer/good vibes/whatever for his father, and let the rest go. Don't worry about how they feel towards you, or if your ex will be upset at his sister, etc. You can file that stuff directly under "not my circus, not my monkeys". Keeping in contact just perpetuates your pain. Don't make a statement or anything, just let it fade on its own and see how much better you feel. You can still love the family. I still love my ex's family and always will... but only from afar, where I can't be hurt.

 

Hugs to you. I know it's not easy.

[ThatwasThen]

Am I not reading the Op correctly? She didn't say anything about keeping them in her life. She just wants to make sure they know that she is caring about their dad and hoping that he is okay.

 

Nothing wrong with letting them know... even send him a get well card if the sister thinks it would be okay. If you're planning on becoming the best friend to this sister of your ex, well then I agree that you shouldn't want to be doing that because doing so won't facilitate you becoming indifferent to your ex.

[ShannonM10]

It is 100% just about his dad. My ex and his family lost there mom around 2 years before I met him. He has a very close relationship with his father and I know losing him would utterly devastate him. I will not send him a message or anything as I feel like he would tell me if he wanted to. I also have not and will not write anything further to his sister since her last message to me.

 

I guess I just care because I will always love me ex to a degree and care about his family. Even though I think he deserves some karma I would never wish something like that upon him. And I want him to know that I care, but I know it is no longer my place. I will send good vibes from afar and hope the best. I think messaging him would only annoy or piss him off and I do not want to throw his sister under the bus. He has his new partner for comfort. Thank you for the solid advice.

[boltnrun]

He also might think you're using his dad's illness as a means to worm your way back into his life. Even if you have only the best and most altruistic intentions, it can be interpreted that way. Especially by his girlfriend.

 

I agree with keeping positive wishes in your mind but leave it at that.

[jordanrusden]

I guess that's normal, It might drive your concern to his family it because the years you've been through.

Just enjoy the days that you missed him or his family, because every seconds count.

 

best of luck cheers

[Capttrae]

I don't see anything wrong with checking in on the ex's dad. But that's just me

[ShannonM10]

So against my better judgement I did cave and sent a quick message to my exes sister. All I said was that I hoped that the appointment went well and I was thinking of her and hoped that her dad was doing ok. I included in the text a pic of my roommates new puppy and said I hoped that this "fur baby" would bring her some chear. I know it was harmless, but in a way felt like breaking no contact with my ex which is a huge no no. She responded with an "aww cute" which is pretty close ended and no update on her dads situation...which leads me to believe that maybe she regreted texting me in the first place. I am more then likely reading into things. Ahh well, lesson learnt, at least I can go out saying I truly cared and she knows it.

I still do hope that in time I will realize I dodged a bullet with my ex based on what he did...and cant help but still hope he regrets things in the long run!All you good people seem to think that he is a coward and a man child..lets hope time proves that even more so...bitter bus for one anyone? Hahah jk...thanks for listening all

[Wiseman2]

You did the caring thing and that's fine, now it's on them.

All I said was that I hoped that the appointment went well and I was thinking of her and hoped that her dad was doing ok.