Lovelavie Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 I'm in a tricky situation here. About 2,3 weeks ago I hooked up with a guy in a club. We got along great, he told me a lot about his life we got to know each other, and after the party was over he and his friends invited me and my friend to go over to his house and have a barbecue (this was on a Thursday night through Friday morning). We decided to go to his house after all it was Friday and we had nothing to do. We spent the whole Friday at his house, he'd call me love, girlfriend and other sweet names, I met his mother and most of his friends. I was kind of drunk and my house was an hour away from his, so me and my friend stayed over. I ended up sleeping with him and we had great chemistry, for some reason we got along extremely well. We talked for hours, laughed a lot and had a good time. The next day we woke up and I went home with my friend. And then he stopped talking to me. I tried to ask him out on Saturday and he was at his niece's birthday. Then we talked a little bit on Sunday but nothing big and then he disappeared. The next Thursday was a day off in our state (I live in Brazil), and I asked him out to go to a party and he said he wasn't in the mood, he was tired, so ok, I went with my friends. I tried asking him out Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, until I gave up with him making excuses not to see me and stopped talking to him. On Saturday he came looking for me, he was drunk and I was with some friends drinking before and he kept saying he missed me, that he liked me and whatever. On Sunday he invited me over to his house, I got kind of mad because I was trying to go out with him during the whole week and he only calls me over on Sunday. But stupid me went to his house anyway. He told me about his weekend, told me he didn't hook up with anyone and told me he liked me and all that BS (may I say that I didn't ask for any of this information, he was telling me this because he wanted to)... So ok we slept together again, he was acting really sweet, he even got jealous of my ex and said I could only hook up with him, that he wanted only me and wanted me to be with only him... But I thought this whole thing was all weird, this guy would barely talk to me, wouldn't go out with me and would show up at random times, so on Monday I decided to look for something, I was feeling suspicious. Well, I found out he has another girl, for about 4, 5 months but he hides it from Facebook and Instagram and if you don't actually dig into it you won't find anything. I also found out he spent the weekend with her, lying to me saying he wasn't with anyone... He also lied to me saying he wasn't dating anyone and didn't hook up with anyone after me... When he was with this girl the whole time... And to be honest, from what I saw, I think she has no clue this is going on! I feel bad for me and for her because he is such an as*hole. I feel used, I had really liked this guy, I wanted to get to know him more, we had great chemistry and we got along so well and when I found out about this I felt... disgusted... He also talked to me during this weekend, asked what I was doing, kept sending texts, pictures of himself and his friends, I'm like a side chick to him or something which I had no idea of! I totally feel like saying all of this to him and then just block and delete him out of my life, just to get this out my chest... He is such a liar... Let me also say that I'm 22 and he's 29 but acts like a complete child! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Why let yourself be used? Don't bother with him. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 I won't ... not anymore, not after all this, but I just want him to know that I know all about this and that he'll no longer fool me... When I searched for this on Monday I wasn't sure whether they were together or not but today I saw another picture of that weekend which confirmed that they were... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 It was a weekend " thing" . That is how he sees it. Just don't contact him. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 But we've been talking to each other for 3 weeks already, it's been almost a month, so it wasn't just a weekend thing... but he'd come looking for me when it was convenient for him and would lie to me for no reason (even though I had never asked about anything) Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 5, 2016 Share Posted June 5, 2016 Talking and being together are not the same thing. You invested far too much before you knew him. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 5, 2016 Author Share Posted June 5, 2016 You're right, but he was still wrong for lying to me. He was wrong for saying he didn't have anyone, that he was single and didn't hook up with anyone after me, and he said all of this simply because he wanted to and was telling me about his weekend. He could have just not said anything at all. It would be better than lying and making something up. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Well, of course he was wrong to lie, which is why you should have nothing to do with him. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 You weren't used, you consented to sleep with a near stranger despite knowing very little about him. To each their own, but taking the time to know someone before being intimate can be helpful in eliminating the question, "Where do we stand?" Lesson learned. Link to comment
lostlove76 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 I am NOT suggesting that you do this, because I don't want to steer anyone wrong, but if it were me I would tell his other girl, and then I would tell him off, and then I would block him forever. I had something similar happen to me before, and when I found out he had a long-distance girlfriend and had completely lied to me, I found her on Facebook and told her all about it. I asked how much she wanted to know, and then proceeded to forward her all of his lying texts. I hate guys like this. He was horrible to you, and he was horrible to this other girl. He'll continue doing what he's doing regardless, but at least his "other girlfriend" will be in the know and can make an informed decision. Guys like this need to experience consequences for hurting others (consequences in the form of being called out on their manipulative behavior). But that's just me. Sorry you had to go through this. I know it feels extremely hurtful Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 I don't mind about the fact that I slept with him or anything... I mind about the fact that he lied in to me in order to get sex. If he had been open to me from the beginning there would be no problem, even if it meant him telling me that he has someone else and doesn't want anything to do with me, instead of calling me his girlfriend, being sweet to me etc... There's no problem with just wanting to have sex with someone, but there's a problem when you lie to someone in order to sleep with you. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 lostlove76 Thanks for understanding me! haha Guys like this are such jerks. Good thing I found about this this now, and I WAS feeling suspicious that something was up... I'm not so sure I'll tell this other girl about it because it might backfire on me... But I do feel bad about her and hope she finds out who he is soon, he's such a sweet and caring guy when he's with you, he's so captivating it's hard to believe he's lying, I imagine how much he lies to her... I decided to send him a text telling him I know about what is going on and I'd rather not be with him at all. In a sense, it's an experience for me, I don't think I ever dated or went out with a guy that was this much of a liar... Looking for sex? Nothing wrong with it, lying just to get it? Not for me... Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 You're right, but he was still wrong for lying to me. He was wrong for saying he didn't have anyone, that he was single and didn't hook up with anyone after me, and he said all of this simply because he wanted to and was telling me about his weekend. He could have just not said anything at all. It would be better than lying and making something up. This is why you don't "hook up" with someone you don't know... You never know when they are lying to you because you don't one real thing about them. Figuratively smack yourself upside the head for bedding someone you just met and then trying to be with them again afterwards. If you're going to do someone without knowing who they are, then it's best to not be bothered with them ever again afterwards. If you want something to go further with someone who doesn't lie then you're going to have to take the time to learn who they are and if what they are telling you is the truth which you can only find out through their actions which show you the truth. I don't mind about the fact that I slept with him or anything... I mind about the fact that he lied in to me in order to get sex. If he had been open to me from the beginning there would be no problem, even if it meant him telling me that he has someone else and doesn't want anything to do with me, instead of calling me his girlfriend, being sweet to me etc... There's no problem with just wanting to have sex with someone, but there's a problem when you lie to someone in order to sleep with you. Yes he is a liar and a cheat but you have to own your own culpability in this by acknowledging that you trusted someone you didn't even know. That's called blind trust and it is never in your best interest to give anyone that kind of trust until they've earned it. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 Yes he is a liar and a cheat but you have to own your own culpability in this by acknowledging that you trusted someone you didn't even know. That's called blind trust and it is never in your best interest to give anyone that kind of trust until they've earned it. Yes, I totally understand this and I know I have some fault in it. I wasn't expecting him to be a prince or someone perfect or anything, but this just showed me that people can act whichever way they want to get what they want and we just have to be careful about it... It's like, you don't expect someone to do something to you that you wouldn't do to them. But, I guess that's just life! Link to comment
lostlove76 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 It's probably good you don't tell the other girl, because like you said, it could backfire. He, or even she, might try to get back at you in some way. At least he'll know that you know! and you can try to move on in peace, lesson learned. I agree that we shouldn't blindly trust anyone, but sometimes as women our emotions get the best of us. He manipulated you with lies, and made you feel things. I'm like you, it's hard for me to expect anyone to be so devious. You want to believe that people are good, and it's disappointing when you find out that someone isn't. This guy is a loser and a jerk. He'll go on to do this to many more women, but at least it'll never be you again! Hang in there!! Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 Yes, I got a bit emotionally involved but I did not expect him to be such a liar to this point... The first day I met him I left thinking he was such an awesome person now I don't want anything to do with him. I texted him about this, he read it and didn't answer and it's been almost an hour... besides being a jerk, he's a coward. Not man enough to explain the situation and doesn't even bother to answer me, because I could simply tell the other girl about it or act crazy... Wow, there are younger guys who are much more of a man than this 29 year old guy... Link to comment
lostlove76 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 He probably won't ever answer. It's annoying!! But yes, he's a coward. He got caught, and he got called out on it. Rather than explain or apologize or even acknowledge it, he would rather pretend it doesn't exist. Also, guys do expect girls to go crazy on them or yell at them, so he's avoiding any further conversation with you. Coward! Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 Exactly, instead of saying something, being a man about it, he chose to ignore it. It's not like he has a chance of ever hooking up with me again, so he should've just apologized but I guess some people don't have that character! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 You weren't used, you consented to sleep with a near stranger despite knowing very little about him. To each their own, but taking the time to know someone before being intimate can be helpful in eliminating the question, "Where do we stand?" Lesson learned. I'd like to repeat this because women need to remember this. Consenting to sex with a stranger means you risk that the stranger doesn't want the same things you want. Figure out what you want or is not being truthful, take your time to get to know the other person before adding sex, and be responsible for your own behavior. Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 Yes, I don't care about the fact that I slept with him, I would be happy with a friends with benefits relationship if anything... I actually did not care where this would take me, what upset me however was him lying to me, maybe in his head he thought that being honest wouldn't get him laid... well stupid him, because lying is what won't get him laid Link to comment
lilymay Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Yes, I don't care about the fact that I slept with him, I would be happy with a friends with benefits relationship if anything... I actually did not care where this would take me, what upset me however was him lying to me, maybe in his head he thought that being honest wouldn't get him laid... well stupid him, because lying is what won't get him laid Exactly. I had been in the same situation. This kind of guys are liars and very manipulative. They say whatever the women want to hear and lead them on to get sex Link to comment
Itchy Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Exactly. I had been in the same situation. This kind of guys are liars and very manipulative. They say whatever the women want to hear and lead them on to get sex That says just as much about the woman as it does about the men. Link to comment
Itchy Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 OP, I fail to see how you've been used? You were a willing participant in this scenario. You went along with it with no qualms or objections and you even tried to initiate a meeting with this guy, so I wouldn't say you've been used, I think you've got what you wanted at the time and so did this man. You have to take responsibilities for your own action(s) instead of pleading innocence and blaming the big bad wolf, I do feel sorry for this man's other woman though, she's got herself a great man (note: sarcasm). Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 6, 2016 Author Share Posted June 6, 2016 Yes, I was just enjoying his company, I did actually want to go out with him more times because I thought he was a fun and cool guy... but after all of this I can only feel sorry for the other girl and move on with my life. The difference between me and him is that I was "honest" the whole time, I never lied about being single and he even got mad at me when I said I had hooked up with two guys in the same week (not him and someone else, but on another occasion), and he got all jealous when he had been doing this the whole time. In the end, I didn't get what I want, which was go out with him more, have fun, nothing serious, I wasn't looking for anything serious... but when I realised it was all based on lies I just couldn't pretend nothing is going on. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 6, 2016 Share Posted June 6, 2016 Rarely does someone come up and say lets have nsa sex, ok? Read up on and learn the signs of a player and seduction. I would see this as more of a 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' type fling, then you won't be so upset.he lied in to me in order to get sex. Link to comment
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