Anyone ever been put in the "Sould I tell about this affair?" situation?

[sexypink]

At the very least I don't want my kids in that environment. I am also taking into account that where cheaters go...drama and even violence or negativity go.

 

In almost every domestic murder there is cheating or infidelity of some sort.

The "pastor" who preaches fidelity in the name of protecting others is by example tearing down everything that should be built for the sake of his own family's protection.

 

It is wrong (whether they've had sexual contact or not), and I'm not sure I would want to hurt his wife.

 

On the other hand, I do believe she knows about it. From what I observe, it really bothers her too.

[Pixels]

At the very least I don't want my kids in that environment. I am also taking into account that where cheaters go...drama and even violence or negativity go.

 

In almost every domestic murder there is cheating or infidelity of some sort.

The "pastor" who preaches fidelity in the name of protecting others is by example tearing down everything that should be built for the sake of his own family's protection.

 

It is wrong (whether they've had sexual contact or not), and I'm not sure I would want to hurt his wife.

 

On the other hand, I do believe she knows about it. From what I observe, it really bothers her too.

 

Your pastor MIGHT (no hard evidence) have a woman outside his marriage (let's just assume he does)... But sure, let's psychoanalyze domestic murder. Obviously infidelity leads to murder... Couldn't possibly be that people disposed towards violent acts against their partner don't care much about maintaining a faithful relationship... There's a classic saying in statistics that correlation is not an indication of causation, and I think you've just highlighted a perfect example...

 

When personal life and professional life collide into a sh**storm, sh** happens... I dunno, guy's probably emotionally torn in several directions himself as well... It's a real mess for everyone...

 

But like I said, if all it takes is one sh*tty person whose private life you disapprove of to corrupt your children, and you can't trust your own kids to talk to you if they're uncomfortable with something, that's not realistically the pastor's failure...

 

Honestly, it sounds like he's running a great activity that the kids enjoy. Maybe he's not perfect, but if your kids enjoy it and don't have problems, and they haven't said anything weird or concerning to make you think he was overstretching his boundaries as a sensei (or the Judo equivalent), I would encourage you against taking that away from them.

 

Anyways... I have my own opinions, and neither of us are likely to convince the other... All I could say is if you insist on turning this into an issue, make sure your kids are happy leaving Judo, and make sure there's another physical activity they'd like to substitute...

[Lucia Amman]

I'm with you Pixels. I would personally not care at all if the teacher of my children has an affair or not. I don't think the children will even notice it at all - because they care about the Judo lessons and not what is happening with his assistant. Besides that, LOTS of people cheat and even more people lie. The best ones you'll never caught though, how are you protecting your children from that?

 

I don't believe that infidelity leads to violence. Violence is perhaps linked to infidelity but by no means I believe that most people would be temped to use violence in the case of infidelity. The problem here is the news who would not put it in every newspaper when someone has (only) cheated. But it will be in the news when cheating had happened to lead to a violence crime. So you and everyone else is more exposed to violence crimes that are linked with infidelity but there are way more cheaters that go unnoticed by the news because violence is simply not an option for every human being on the planet. I know actually a few real life examples about couples that cheated on one another, found out about it and no one ever got hit, no one called the cops and no one had the arguments or there 'coming out' outsides of the conveniences of their own home. You really think that if sh** would hit the fan that they would do this out in public?

[Itchy]

Unless you have definitive proof that they are cheating then I wouldn't say anything as harsh and callous as that sounds. All this incident shows me is that if a man of religion cannot take the institution of marriage seriously and the practice of monogamy seriously then that only serves to strengthen my arguments in relation to these two concepts.

 

I feel sorry for the woman, I really do, but this is what happens when you get married, I do tell people but they don't want to hear, the facts do not lie. Most modern people irrespective of their religious affiliations cannot uphold the unrealistic vows made at the alter or in the registry office. I feel for her and her children.

[radiance]

You should probably not make any accusations unless there's absolute confirmation that he's actually having an affair...

[catfeeder]

Anyone ever been put in the "Should I tell about this affair?" situation?

 

You're not being put in such a situation, you're putting yourself there.

[Wiseman2]

You have zero proof that there is in fact an affair going on. Upsetting his wife with your speculation and gossip is not doing anyone a favor. What he does on his own time is his business, even if this young assistant upsets you. His marriage is also his business, not yours.

I have seen them together at many many places and it has been extremely frequent.

[annie24]

I think you should mind your business. Also, what if you are wrong? You have to admit it's a possibility, even if it's a small one. Or, if they are having an affair and they are being so obvious about it, others will notice as well as his wife or kids. You dont want to get blamed for sticking your nose into their business.

 

I agree. Plus, it's not like you've actually seen them kissing or having sex. I would stay out of it. For all you know, they may have an open marriage. who knows.

[TMifune]

OP,

 

If you're this desperate for drama most major networks air one-hour dramas on weekday afternoons. You may even be able to stream them on demand. They might be a better use of your time than obsessing over a situations about which you don't even know all the facts.

[sexypink]

Well, thanks so much for all the replies.

 

I have decided not to get involved. I do believe the company you keep determines your future

 

I guess it could be considered "dramatic", but at the same time so is dramatically calling someone dramatic! People can be SO funny.

 

Law enforcement - I don't question IF cheating causes domestic Violence. I know it does. This often leads to violence and (more usually on accident) this violence can result in homicide

 

 

Thanks for all the advice.

[catfeeder]

I don't question IF cheating causes domestic Violence. I know it does. This often leads to violence and (more usually on accident) this violence can result in homicide

 

So can stirring someone else's pot.

 

Whenever you see a powder keg, it's best to not walk up to it and light a match.

[salnier]

What's the bible say? Go confront one or both of them, if they won't listen to you bring a couple believers with you... Surely you know the rest?

[Wiseman2]

As much as your kids are enjoying the class, if you find anything objectionable about the instructors, it's within your right to find another class/activity /venue for them next time.

I have decided not to get involved

[ThatwasThen]

So, our judo instructor is also a Christian pastor. He has an assistant in her 20s, and she is very sweet. I have known his wife for many years, and have had their children over to play with my kids. I have come to realize that every where our judo instructor goes, his twentysomething assistant goes with him. My husband and I have seen them together at many many places and it has been extremely frequent. We have seen them going to a movie, eating out together, going to CrossFit together, seeing them drive away together from Starbucks many times, going to the grocery store together, and various other errands. He has older daughters as well whom he does not take with him on these errands with this young woman, although they are also in his judo class and are homeschooled. I have known this man's wife for many years, and I really feel for her because I do believe that her husband is having an affair with his assistant. I am sickened that this pastor who tends to preach Fidelity is making such a horrible mistake and being such a horrible example for the many children in his judo class. I don't know if I should say something to his wife, or just let things proceed naturally. I also don't know if I should say something to him, since I've known him for so many years and I am extremely disappointed in everything that I am witnessing. I don't think he's a bad person, but I think he's making some very horrible decisions in this case. (Just for the record, I have also seen her massaging his neck and shoulders and a very inappropriate way, and they have a couples-type quarrels such as where she put his pants, or when they were going to plan the next event with his wife totally left out of all of it),

You assume and then you write after your assumption as if it were verified and the truth. Don't take offense but: Unless you see them in bed together, I think you should mind your own business. You have no proof that they are anything other then Pastor and over-used assistant who is too naïve/inexperienced to tell him that he is requesting too much of her time.

 

That being said, it's good to see you've decided to not get involved.