Odd behavior

[Saxbeliever]

Ok, this is hard to include enough details to get an accurate portrayal of the situation but here goes...

 

I dated a girl unofficially for 3 years. She wouldn't make it official but insisted I keep trying. I took to be simply that she liked me and had feelings for me but was afraid to commit. She is a manipulator and I knew this from the start so I kept my distance early. She grew attached as we got closer and I began to become attached as well. I fell for her hard about two years into it and she still wouldn't commit even though we spent all of our time together. She is heavily involved in church and we connected deeply on a spiritual level. There was always an excuse why it wasn't good for us to be together yet when I would break contact for days or weeks to let go she would come back and insist she wanted unity and to remain close. We began sleeping together the last year of our relationship and made plans and went on vacations together. I spent time with her and her family and then she got into a serious accident. She was injured badly and I was there for her. I slept over at the hospital so she wouldn't be alone. We argued after she got out in increasing amounts. Nothing I did was right so we stopped talking for two months. She initiated contact with me and we met up and the sparks flew again. We spent a few weeks close again until she became erratic in her behavior. It felt as though she was sabotaging the relationship and making me feel like it was my fault. An attempt to get me to break it off perhaps. I never called her names. I never abused her. I never cheated. I was supportive until the end and admittedly I became needy as she was pushing me further away. I eventually decided it wasn't good for me to keep subjecting myself to that treatment and even though I knew it was manipulation I said one night I didn't think it was goin to be good for me to talk to her (she asked if I could talk that night and that was my response). She immediately began a cold hard goodbye which seemed already prepped and she jumped on the opportunity. She blocked me on social media. I never bombarded her with messages before or after. I came to believe that her goodbye was an attempt to regain control over how it ended. On her terms not mine. I sent one text wishing her well about two months after she said goodbye and got no response as expected. That was two months ago. Its been 4 months total since we stopped speaking. The church tried to help her and she rejected the offer, joined a new church and immediately began a relationship with someone there. That relationship as I have discovered began within a few weeks of us ending communication. It has moved quickly according to mutual friends and they don't perceive it to be healthy. She has met his family, introduced him to hers and even gone on the same vacation trip we took together just before her accident. My mentors all say the same thing. She is a manipulator and she is doing it to this new guy. I knew who she was and what her MO was when I got involved with her. I loved her not because she tricked me into it but because I saw her for who she was and I was ok with that. I am confident and secure and have always kept moving forward but I still love her. What are the chances she still loves me and is just too afraid to allow herself to be vulnerable and without control? She has some deep wounds that I had been able to reach and speak life and love to her there. Am I holding onto a lost cause? I have gotten over the breakup and even found peace with her being with someone else. I've been on one date which just amounted to making a new friend. I still feel very intimately drawn to the first girl and haven't stopped having feelings for her. Please help. I need to believe the truth and not false hope.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like it's over for her and she's with someone. Try to stop making excuses for her. If she still "secretly cared" for you, would hear from her.

She blocked me on social media. I sent one text wishing her well about two months after she said goodbye and got no response as expected. immediately began a relationship with someone there.