Opinions of Tinder?

[artsygirl]

I had tinder for a while last year and deactivated it when I just got fed up of typical boys and the cheesy pick-up lines- what you can usually associate with tinder. Well since coming to university and a whole new city I redownloaded the app a couple of nights ago just to give it a go, meet some new guys in the city as my programme is very female-dominated.

Extremely early days but I matched with a cute guy who is the year above me studying economics at my university. He seems really sweet and holds a good conversation and we've found we have lots in common. He seems really eager to impress me and is nice and seems pretty genuine. He asked for my number and we've also become friends on Facebook and I'm fairly certain he's not a catfish. I feel like we're really hitting it off well despite the short time even though we have been communicating a lot over the past couple of days. I feel as if it's too soon to schedule a meet up and if he asked now I would say that to him. I'm just concerned with the usual opinions surrounding tinder that all guys on there are sleazy and just want the hook-up but I've expressed to the guy that I'm not in it for anything casual or casual sex and he has still continued to talk to me exactly the same, not gearing the conversation sexually or seeming sexually driven. I know that young adult guys do want sex (well I think we're all sexually driven) but this guy seems genuinely interested in getting to know me. I just don't want to get hurt and wondered what people's general opinions are of tinder. I will still continue to speak to him as I think he's really nice but I don't want to be naïve and assume this would be any different from the usual boys you get on the app.

[DoF]

LIVE LIFE IN REALITY.......NOT VIRTUALLY

 

Find someone in person, you know, like people have done for MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of years? Build character I tell ya....

 

If I was to ever date again, online would be my "absolute last resort"

[Wiseman2]

It doesn't matter what dating app you're on, it's still best to meet asap before building everything up in your mind. The other disadvantage to this is false intimacy being build up so that what turns out to be a hook-up doesn't actually feel like that because of all the banter before meeting..

I feel as if it's too soon to schedule a meet up

[ParisPaulette]

It doesn't matter where you meet someone. Really all you can do is date them, take the time to get to know them BEFORE you climb into bed with them, and see what happens.

 

You cannot avoid being hurt in love anymore than you could avoid being hurt when you were learning to go from crawling to walking. And that didn't stop you back then since here you are now an adult who I presume is walking and running just fine.

 

Date the guy in front of you. Get to know him really well first. If he starts pushing you or pressuring you for sex before you're ready, drop him and move on forward.

 

While Tinder is a known hookup site everyone is not a cookie cutter and you're just as likely to find guys wanting to hook up on other dating sites or in person or.or.or. as well.

 

Don't judge the man by where you meet him (unless it's in prison or court maybe and he's the Defendant or jailee) but judge him by who he is and who he is as you get to know him. And take the time to get to know him and insist he do the same with you OR find someone else to date.

 

Rinse and repeat until you find someone you like, they like you, it looks like it's going to work. And yes, keep sex off the table until down the road if you feel you can't handle sleeping with them right away and not having them call you back.

[leseine7]

The way I see it, people meet in infinite numbers of ways.

 

I have two friends who met their husbands on Tinder, and are miraculously well-matched - but it was random, and both of those couples told me (perhaps not coincidentally) that they were using Tinder just to meet people to date casually. So they had zero expectations going in, and were pleasantly surprised.

 

That being said, the one time I used an app to meet someone, I met my ex who turned out to have another girlfriend he skillfully hid from me, was a full-on sociopath and did some massive damage to my life before I was able to detangle from him. That's another extreme, but for me, it turned me off to dating anyone online going forward. He was able to present a completely false picture of himself to me for a very long time (and was dating many women using the app).

 

Look, just use your judgment. If meeting someone in a bar, for instance, is going to always make you think 'well, I met him in a bar, so when he's at bars... does he generally just hit on women?' - then meeting and dating someone you meet in a bar probably isn't the easiest option for you. If meeting a guy online will make you always wonder if he's just meeting tons of random women on a hookup/dating app, then it is going to take you a long time to trust him, no matter how genuine he portrays himself. I personally need to meet guys I date through friends or other somewhat traditional means nowadays, but that's just me and what I'm comfortable with.

 

It can't hurt to meet him in person and go from there. You'll get a huuuuge amount of opinions and scary stories, especially on this forum, but at the end of the day follow your gut and if something feels off about him, listen to it.

[Hermes]

The difficulty is, Leseine, that people don't listen to the gut, to that "little voice", or worse still do not WANT to listen to it. That's the real reason why bad stuff happens. No radar.

 

I believe that developing awareness, and self-awareness, is the most valuable life skill.

 

I have to agree with you, Leseine.

[limichelle]

Whatever you do if you are going to meet him. Meet at a public place not by yourself. When I was meeting people offline years ago I met at a local spot filled with tons of people and brought my sister in law. Too many horror stories about girls going alone to meet men offline!

 

Also you won't know what he's after until you meet. You can pick up certain vibes from people in person.

 

Lisa

[greta96]

Tinder is a well known hookup site. Just google "tinder" and read what comes up. Get yourself informed.

 

With that said, what happens if you meet guys off Tinder (or any other dating site or even in person) is entirely up to you, and nobody else.

While it may be a hookup site, nobody can make you hook up. If you go into it informed about what people usually expect out of a Tinder connection and then act accordingly to what *you* want and are looking for, then you can't be used as a hookup, right?

A few things to keep in mind that are paramount: meet in plain daylight at a busy place (be it coffee shop, restaurant, bar, pool hall, whatever), do not go to their place or bring them to yours and do not have sex with them quickly. Plenty of time for that if things work out.

This way, even if they meet with you with the intent to hook up, it won't happen as long as you clearly state your boundaries and what you're looking for.

 

There are risks with any dating site/app, and even with meeting people naturally. It's how you handle what happens after you make the connections that matters, you set the tone and if they like it great, if not, you are both free to keep searching.

 

Do not ever let yourself fall into the famous pattern of "oh but we hit it off soooo well, chemistry was off the charts, one thing led to another and I fell on his d!ck". No, that's not how it works, if you want a relationship. You take your time to get to know them outside of the bedroom, date them (and others) for a while, and once you figure out they are on the same page as you, you can look into more.

[TakeTwo]

I had this discussion with the guy I met on Tinder couple months ago and been going steady with. He said "Tinder is what two people make of it". Totally agree with him.

[artsygirl]

Thank you for your replies. Naturally, completely agreeing with everyone's precautions about meeting offline and I always carry those things in mind, I'm not completely irresponsible to meet alone in dark alleys or anything like that. I'm gonna continue talking to this guy and I've already made it clear that my intentions are not for anything casual or casual sex. I do wish I could meet guys in person in the city, it's just difficult to given the female-dominated course. I like talking and meeting new people in the 'traditional' way definitely, it's just I wanted to try something else. I have had tinder before this experience and deactivated it due to being sick of boys, but I'm hoping to just talk to some new guys and see where things go. Appreciate everyone's feedback

[BlarneyStone]

I've used it but it barely works on Droid. I think it's mainly serviced on iOS. It's good for hook ups. Most of the guys I know who use it are using it for hook ups as well. That's just my experience.

 

Whatever you do if you are going to meet him. Meet at a public place not by yourself. When I was meeting people offline years ago I met at a local spot filled with tons of people and brought my sister in law. Too many horror stories about girls going alone to meet men offline!

 

Also you won't know what he's after until you meet. You can pick up certain vibes from people in person.

 

Lisa

 

This is ridiculous. Bringing someone with you defeats the purpose of a date.