I can't stop thinking about him

[mrazxo]

I’m going to try to sum this up as best as possible because it’s an extremely long story.

 

I’m 23, as is he, we’ve been best friends for 8 or so years. There’s always been something more between us, but it’s never worked out (distance, timing, etc). We’ve talked about our future lives together, and how we’re going to make it work eventually but we kind of go through a vicious cycle every year: we get extremely close, one of us gets too attached, someone gets hurt, we break things off, don’t talk for two months or so, repeat. Around Christmas time we agreed to a “trial” relationship, as it was his last semester away at university and I had moved back to our hometown to finish up my degree. I know it sounds dumb, but it’s just what worked for us at the time. We’ve always been such a huge part of each other’s lives, so committing to something so serious was very intimidating for the both of us.

 

Things seemed to be going well, but I just had this gut feeling that things were off. About a month or so in – his actions got a little questionable and I decided to break things off. It felt like the immature relationship that we’ve had in the past, where we try to make each other jealous and I told him that it just didn’t feel he was serious about committing to a relationship. He apologized for what he did and said he was serious about making things work between us.

 

Things were great for a while, but again, he was still playing into this weird jealousy game with me. For example, he would ask me to make phone calls from his phone and his entire call history was one girl. A girl that he had told me he was sleeping with while I was in a relationship. I played dumb and I asked who she was and he told me that they were together months before, but he told her he didn’t want a relationship so they decided to stay friends. I asked him why he wanted to be in a relationship with me if he had told her that he didn’t want one, he had all the right answers so I just looked passed it.

 

One night, he came to spend the night at my house and before we went to sleep, we started talking about “us.” Apparently I should have assumed that we were no longer “together” because he had a job offer across the country and long distance has never worked for us. He NEVER told me about his job offer, and he had known about it for months. I asked him why he wouldn’t have broken things off with me when I said I didn’t think he was ready to commit to a relationship. I didn’t talk to him for over a week when that happened – why did he have to fix things and make me believe that we were indeed together? He had no answers. He said he really wanted to be with me then. He said that he still wants to be with me but I deserve better than him. There was no bad blood, a few tears were shed but he still spent the night. We woke up in the morning, hugged for a few minutes while I cried, but no words were exchanged. I pulled away and he left. We haven’t spoken a word to each other since then. This was at the beginning of March.

 

I was sad, but I was also angry. I knew my dream of us finally being together was too good to be true so I kind of expected it to end the same way it did every other time we got really close. Fast forward to recently: I found out he took the job offer in our city – he isn’t leaving. He’s currently travelling abroad with the girl in his call history. I bartend, and they came into the bar that I work at together. There are so many other places to go – why did he have to bring her to my bar?

 

I just feel so hurt. There’s a level of respect I thought he had for me and clearly I was wrong. I thought he would have the respect for me to break things off when he knew it wasn’t working – but he continued to lead me on like he always has and I’m sure it would have gone on much longer if I didn’t bring it up. Am I crazy for thinking it was inappropriate for him to come into my bar with that girl? It felt like he was trying to rub things in my face. Maybe I’m just overreacting and he doesn’t see any harm in it, but with the history between us, I would assume that he knew it would hurt me. I just haven’t been able to stop thinking about him lately and it’s driving me absolutely insane.

[JoyceVib]

I'm sorry to hear this. You're too good for him, I don't think he deserves your heart like this.

 

I don't know why he's doing this (who does), but try to let it pass. Even with the history you had with him (which in your case is extremely hard), he's not threating you right and it sounds like he's not going to grow up in a while. Some people aren't worth fighting for, he's an example of that.

[Wiseman2]

The relationship was all about playing jealousy games and break-up/make-up games. So now after the break up the games just continue. Be glad that it is finally over because basically, he was a player. Find a nice stable guy who is local and who you can trust to have an exclusive consistent relationship with.

we kind of go through a vicious cycle every year: we get extremely close, one of us gets too attached, someone gets hurt, we break things off, don’t talk for two months or so, repeat. It felt like he was trying to rub things in my face.

[tina-rocks]

Narsasistic! I say this, as from your post, he has shown nothing but selfishness and with utter lack of thought process for your feelings and I do think it was wrong, for him to come into the bar with someone else, as he is fully aware of your feeling for him and seems to enjoy rubbing salt into the wound.

 

You are better without someone, who cannot or does not want to show respect or care for your feelings. Lucky escape I would say, as he has shown his full true colours.