tochjejo Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 hi it's been months since my ex said he doesn't love me anymore and that he does not have these feelings he wished to have. He left for somebody who knew for 3 days telling me later, that even though she left him really soon, he has bigger feelings for her than for me. I'm less miserable as I used to be, that is for sure, but I had my plans, my future I dreamed about, family, house, car, perfect place to live. and now I have nothing. I started to learn language for him to get job in his country (it was LDR), and because I feel like I always wanted to try to live abroad and work there but was too scared to try myself, this was just soo perfect chance. Now I don't have him, I miss him as hell plus I lost this dreams I had. And I'm not sure what to do. problem is that the only person that talked in that language to me was him, so everytime i hear that, I want to cry, it hurts and I just can't learn that now anymore. But it seems like waste of my time and work I invested and I think it would be good to learn it and finish the exam, but I can't. ohhhhh. what do you do in general with those hopes and dreams and plans you loose when you loose the person? I can't see any future or any happiness, anything. And of course i dont think i will ever find somebody that I will love that much thx Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Have you ever met in person? You can have all those things with someone new, he did not take those from you. Start meeting and dating guys locally. it's been months since my ex said he doesn't love me anymore. I started to learn language for him to get job in his country it was LDR. Link to comment
tochjejo Posted April 28, 2016 Author Share Posted April 28, 2016 yes we were together for every second weekend, sometimes more often. I've been there really often, feeling there like home is, that I can't date any guys. When I think about it, i feel sick, like something inside me was telling me it's not right Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 If you could date him why can't you date anyone else?I've been there really often. I can't date any guys. Link to comment
sadbutrue Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 hi it's been months since my ex said he doesn't love me anymore and that he does not have these feelings he wished to have. He left for somebody who knew for 3 days telling me later, that even though she left him really soon, he has bigger feelings for her than for me. I'm less miserable as I used to be, that is for sure, but I had my plans, my future I dreamed about, family, house, car, perfect place to live. and now I have nothing. I started to learn language for him to get job in his country (it was LDR), and because I feel like I always wanted to try to live abroad and work there but was too scared to try myself, this was just soo perfect chance. Now I don't have him, I miss him as hell plus I lost this dreams I had. And I'm not sure what to do. problem is that the only person that talked in that language to me was him, so everytime i hear that, I want to cry, it hurts and I just can't learn that now anymore. But it seems like waste of my time and work I invested and I think it would be good to learn it and finish the exam, but I can't. ohhhhh. what do you do in general with those hopes and dreams and plans you loose when you loose the person? I can't see any future or any happiness, anything. And of course i dont think i will ever find somebody that I will love that much thx I feel you. My ldr boyfriend broke up with me on saturday and it sucks that the fantasy I created about him was destroyed. I wanted to move to his country and tried to improve my English to be with him and to find a job in the USA (where he lives). I wanted to work abroad too and having the person I loved there would be perfect. Just now I heard a guy speaking in English and I thought about my ex because he was an English speaker and he was the only person I spoke in that language. I don't have any advice since I'm in the same situation as you are but I can say that you are not alone...I'm going through the same. Link to comment
sadbutrue Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 yes we were together for every second weekend, sometimes more often. I've been there really often, feeling there like home is, that I can't date any guys. When I think about it, i feel sick, like something inside me was telling me it's not right Exactly what I'm feeling...When I imagine be with your man, I feel that's not right. You are not alone Link to comment
Clinton Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Give it time, those feelings won't last. Take the time to heal and you'll eventually want to date again. Link to comment
tochjejo Posted April 28, 2016 Author Share Posted April 28, 2016 probably i'm not over that relationship and it feels like cheating, or I don't know. but probably, cause when I think of him now I want him back. Even if I see that he didn't treat me right and i deserve more. But the problem is, that I want that more from him. And I'm angry because I thought this is it.. you know? he is great , we clicked, he showed me something I never thought was possible. I still can see myself in his kitchen, cooking together, hugging, having fun, planning how we will change the kitchen and connect it to living room. trips and things we did together I wish I never met him or I had never lost him or whichever tense should I use here hah sorry english is not my first language.. obviously Link to comment
tochjejo Posted April 28, 2016 Author Share Posted April 28, 2016 Exactly what I'm feeling...When I imagine be with your man, I feel that's not right. You are not alone I'm happy I'm not alone and I'm sooo sad for you, because I know how it feels. I can tell that it gets better every day. But i still miss the fantasy. yes I miss him, but he treated me somehow which is not entirely good and I think for all those things I wanted to give him and sacrifice for him I deserve more. So yes it hurts when I think of him and all those things I had with him, but now it kind of more hurts to loose the fantasy, because the fantasy was perfect and I loved it, and it didn't hurt me in any way... I think you will or we will heal somehow, but now it seems so lost and black... be strong! Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 You can meet someone else because this is not happening with him.he didn't treat me right. I still can see myself in his kitchen, cooking together, hugging, having fun, planning how we will change the kitchen and connect it to living room. Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Give it time, those feelings won't last. Take the time to heal and you'll eventually want to date again. I've lived something similar but most people who break-up recover. Link to comment
tochjejo Posted April 28, 2016 Author Share Posted April 28, 2016 and what else, after that breakup I got scared.. I was in 8years long relationship before, but I was the one who initiated the break up, I walked away, being happy and relieved. Now it's different of course. And I see men as persons who will just hurt me, i will give my heart and soul and they will leave me. I saw a movie about divorced people.. I'm scared of getting divorced in future.. scared of somebody hurting me again I must sound like 15 i think it's a lack of experience... anyway what do u think, should I continue to learn the language and try to go there in some months, to work there, or at least try it for like 1/2 a year for some research programm or something like that...?? or should i give it time and don't think abt it... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Do not give your heart and soul until you are sure there is a committed relationship. I see men as persons who will just hurt me, i will give my heart and soul and they will leave me. Link to comment
tochjejo Posted April 28, 2016 Author Share Posted April 28, 2016 Do not give your heart and soul until you are sure there is a committed relationship. I hope I won't do that mistake again. I fall too quickly. My friend says it's because I need somebody to be happy, that I'm not happy by myself, single. which probably is true... But I really hope I will have another chance to give my heart and soul again Link to comment
sadbutrue Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 and what else, after that breakup I got scared.. I was in 8years long relationship before, but I was the one who initiated the break up, I walked away, being happy and relieved. Now it's different of course. And I see men as persons who will just hurt me, i will give my heart and soul and they will leave me. I saw a movie about divorced people.. I'm scared of getting divorced in future.. scared of somebody hurting me again I must sound like 15 i think it's a lack of experience... anyway what do u think, should I continue to learn the language and try to go there in some months, to work there, or at least try it for like 1/2 a year for some research programm or something like that...?? or should i give it time and don't think abt it... Where are you guys from? Link to comment
tochjejo Posted April 28, 2016 Author Share Posted April 28, 2016 Where are you guys from? czech republic he is from germany. what abt u? Link to comment
tochjejo Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 it's such a roller coster yesterday I felt quite good talking to you guys, now it seems all so lost and so stupid.. I'm sooo tired of looking for somebody else, I was happy and wanted to settle... now starting all over again seems too hard and it makes me nauseous... does anybody have a time machine? My friends tell me - he wasn!T the right one, because if he was, he would not leave... but I feel he was the right one for me Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted April 30, 2016 Share Posted April 30, 2016 Tochjejo, that's so cool! I went to Praha about 6 months ago and loved it I digress. Your English is quite good and if going to the US is YOUR dream, DO IT but not for a guy. For you! Link to comment
Cope Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 Hey! I just wanted to tell you that even now that i am out of the relationship, i am really considering learning his language, it's a really useful language and i really fell in love with it. Ironic how i didn't want to tell him that i had already started learning it a bit cause i thought it would scare him away. The regrets i have are piling up. Same notion, different things. I was holding back too much. Never again! So yeah, go for the language if you haven't already! Link to comment
snowpeachdoll Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 Do not give your heart and soul until you are sure there is a committed relationship. I thought I did that because I was sure he was commited to me until we broke up. How can we be sure in the future? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Consistent actions that indicate they're in with both feet. How can we be sure in the future? Link to comment
snowpeachdoll Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 Consistent actions that indicate they're in with both feet. It's still confusing.. Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 As Wiseman says: "Do not give your heart and soul until you are sure there is a committed relationship." And even then..... to which I might add, one's heart belongs to oneself, and one's soul. You never ever give them away... Link to comment
tochjejo Posted May 29, 2016 Author Share Posted May 29, 2016 So yeah, go for the language if you haven't already! I'm convincing myself to start learning. For me it would be 1) Challenge which I like 2) good opportunity to eventually maybe go there to work there. But I have a big problem - I can't listen to that language, or to whomever would use it, because the only one who spoke that to me was him. It hurts (less then at the beginning, but it still does), it triggers the flashbacks... will this stop? I know I'm asking like an idiot all the time the same, but I really need a user guide on those things. i still miss him so much. How is that possible that I can't stop thinking about him and he does not miss me? he's fine without me, while I'm crying during my holidays? i need it to stop finaly, this is too destructing Link to comment
Cope Posted May 29, 2016 Share Posted May 29, 2016 I promised myself i will start learning once i get settled in my new apartment, meaning in a couple of weeks! His language triggers me too. Everything about his country triggers me. Today i found a shirt with a logo from his country. I wore it. Whoever mentions his country, i try to associate it with good things, the good times i had while visiting. This relationship is not going to take away my experiences! This relationship itself was a lovely experience, i just can't see that clearly now cause of the pain. One day i will look back and ONLY smile! It does get better, we just have to train our brains to act happy to all triggers. At some point, days ago, i realized that crying was more destructive then therapeutic. I told myself i will not cry again. I didn't make it till today. It's good to let it all out, it's really good to cry when you feel like it, but when you reach that point you have to start forcing yourself to not cry. I'm not saying to pressure yourself that much, but chose to be happy over crying. Chose to be active over laying in bed. It's hard, but you'll get there! That said, gonna go continue packing!!! We can do this! We're too awesome not to! Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.