I lost my hopes and dreams

[tochjejo]

I told myself I will try to enjoy the summer somehow and after that I will decide what next is there in future for me. I just really want to learn that because of ME, not because of him. Not because my brain somewhere deeeep inside still sees a chance of us getting back together. I have to get entirely over that relationship. Then if I start learning it would be my own decision. we'll see.... good luck for your learning!

 

He always used to tell me that he doesn't want to plan anything, because you never know how things end. And I didn't like it. I always planned something for myself, something I could look forward to have it in my future. after we broke up I feel the same as him. No planning. I feel like it makes no sense to plan anyting, because the life changes it anyway... Which I don't like. I don't like this change of me. I mean I want to have something in a future to look forward to, and to keep me going and believing. But as soon as I think about it my brain says: it doesn't make sense, don't do it, you'll end up dissapointed again.

 

And it works with other men too. I still can't think about me and someone else, it feels strange and my heart wants him ohhh man it hurts.... And seeing all the divorced or broke up people around I feel too bad and scared of trying something new

 

How can I hope it all will get better eventualy when there is so much pain in this world?

 

Good luck Cope with your new app!! and thx for your support

[Cope]

Heyyyy!!

 

You need to put faith in yourself and plan stuff for yourself not others. If something doesn't turn out the way you want, it doesn't matter cause it probably turned out the way you needed it to.

 

'You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes well you just might find..

You get what you need'

[tochjejo]

Thank you, really. Well I'm trying to, in the moment I'm planning to go for a month work/holiday trip just by my own, which I've never done and it's pretty scary for me. It should be in January next year and I'm slightly excited about it, but it depends on my chief if he'll let me go. well if so, I hope it will be next step for me to cross my shadow and try to fulfill my dreams. we'll see. You know I have always been scared of everything, I have not much confidence. And my long term relationship ruined me entirely, I've been said I'm worthless so many times I can't even count it. After I ended it I worked on that and it's already better. But I'm still afraid of going to another country to work and live even though I always wanted it. and I still do.

 

And then he came, told me I'm great, beautiful, so clever, funny, inteligent, the best that happened to him in long years, He lived abroad, so i could go outside and live there as I always wanted, he was sweet, funny, great, caring, handsome, he was everything I always wanted in a guy. (at least what I got to know about him) and then he left. And I feel like all my dreams has been ruined even more then before him. And I have no idea if I should start antidepresives, or therapy or just wait, sit, do nothing and hope it will pass away... I'm a weak person. I admire you for your words, your strengh and your determination. I really do. And wish you all those things you want to happen, to really happen!!!

[Cope]

Wow, I also want to live abroad and work and in general that part you wrote about traveling, I could have written it!

I am planning on traveling on my own too! I'm hoping I can make it in fall. I want to travel to a few countries, see where I like it the most and go there to work for a while. Right now I want to be on my own for a looong time! We don't need anyone to make use whole. All we need is ourselves.

 

[video=youtube_share;MCmZ2jrQooE] ]

[gypsybird87]

I have done a lot of solo traveling and it's the best thing you could do for yourself right now. It is so empowering, you will come home feeling like you can do anything!

 

I wish I could plan a trip right now but it just isn't in the budget at the moment. Soon, hopefully!!

[tochjejo]

tis video is really nice thank you! well everybody says that we should be happy just by ourselves and then we can "roll with" somebody else. I think I'm happy and I like myself, but I have a feeling I have to work on that still. And that breakup opened my eyes, that is for sure. maybe one day in future i will be greatful about that, now it seems like BS.... but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts and there are days (lots of them still actually ) that I would not miss him and wish for him to come back. I keep myself busy as much as I can, but... yea. I need to vent it...

 

My chief let me go, maybe because I looked really desperate and I lost lot weight lately which he noticed and asked about.. so I will be out on a mission hopefully helping people in january I'm scared, but excited. hopefully it will show me, I can do things on my own and I can go abroad and start a life there, or I will find out I don't want it that much. And honestly... who knows what happens till january... Good luck for your travelling, Cope!

 

Have you ever been in that situation, that you thought you loved someone and told him and were planning some life together and then out of a sudden you just don't feel it? I just don't understand how does that happen. 10 days between I think there is a big future for us to I met other woman and my feelings for her are bigger than for you (for the record, she left him round week after he broke up with me).... This is the thing I can't understand and I spend too much time thinking about it. and that is a thing that hurts the most (except for the fact that I lost him).... I wish I could wake up tommorrow and be finally okay

[Silverbirch]

So sorry for your sadness. Maybe there was a reason he came into your life - that it motivated you to learn that language, perhaps for travel or work or both. Maybe there are much better things for you than a relationship with him. ((())))

[Cope]

Hey! I'm glad you liked the video! One of my favorite life lessons! True, it needs work and I'm all in for that now, I think for the first time in my life alone. I'm always working on myself but I'm also always in relationships,so this time will be interesting!

 

Yes, there are still a lot of days for me too. Last several days hurt so much. I miss him really bad. I would LOVE to talk to him, but not the guy he is now, the one that still had feelings for me. It's the only reason I'm sticking to NC. He is no longer exactly the man I knew. He no longer has feelings for me and I do for him. I too can't wait to no longer want him back. No longer miss him like I do. I want him to be a fantastic memory that will make me smile. For now, I remember him and smile while crying. It's so weird.

 

Can't wait to start traveling either! You will do great on your mission!! It will be a life experience or the beginning of a new way of life! Whichever, you will stand on your own feet, strong and confident!!

 

I actually have been in a similar situation you are describing,with my previous ex, but the problems were there for a while, I didn't 'suddenly fall out of love'. I told him we had a problem, well he had anger issues, I told him he needed to work on them or we will be in trouble, he apparently never took my words seriously. I tried hard to work it out, to convince him he needed help, I even went to the doctor on my own for him. He didn't realize and trust me I was clear. So for him, the first weeks it seemed like I 'suddenly' dumped him, when in reality I was practically telling him almost every month for the previous 6+++ months that his attitude is affecting me and us. I was still planning my life with him throughout that period, cautious, but still planning.

 

Distance is bad. Whoever you may be slightly attracted to and is close distance may seem like a much better option, may even seem like a stronger 'love'. Honestly, I can't blame anyone for leaving a Ldr, they are hard.

 

You're doing well, it's hard, but you'll make it!

[tochjejo]

I miss him really bad. I would LOVE to talk to him, but not the guy he is now, the one that still had feelings for me. It's the only reason I'm sticking to NC. He is no longer exactly the man I knew.

 

Hey! i didn't write for a longer time now. As you said, I really wanted to contact him and talk to him, smile and laugh with him again. There was a run, that we planned to go together, he really motivated me to do sport when we were together and even after the breakup he told me he wants to come and run with me. But he had other plans, so I sent him a picture of me after the run, saying thank you for motivating me. And he sent just a thumb up emoticon. I cried, was sad, and then I told myself he is not worth it, not worth my tears and suffering, it was a meaningful thing for us, and then he didn't give a damn about me or my feeling not this run. Since then I've been feeling better. which is good. Exactly as you said - he is no longer the person I loved and no longer the person I would like to be with and cry for. (but i still do sometimes)

 

But few days now I'm starting to have a different problem - my future, I have a feeling I will not find anyone, I will never have a family of my own, that all this looking for is just riddiculous and nonsense, that I've found him already, did my best and it didn't work. Why would I try? Where should I look for the hope. Every day of my life since the breakup and its almost 4months now (!) when I dont work or work out I have to put a lot of energy to tell myself Im going to be fine. and It's starting to be too much. Im loosing hope.

 

And sometimes when I let go and think of us I see what I did wrong and what could be changed. And most of the times I eventualy end up at point of thinking that I screwed it up and its my fault that a person i loved(or thought i loved) is gone.

 

Hope youre doing better! and you're enyoing your new home!!