Confusing situation with cheating ex

[ItsJust]

Hey there. Before I start this is a confusing and shocking situation.

So nearly 2 months ago I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for our whole relationship. Clearly I was devastated. Our whole relationship was a lie. We had quite a serious relationship and I was thinking ahead about marriage and babies with this person. I didn't take this heartbreak very well. I was upset, angry, vulnerable, so many different emotions. I was crying and crying for weeks, I wasn't sleeping and I wasn't eating. I am still not eating. I started to cut myself to ease the emotional pain. Last week it got to a point when I was cutting myself 2/3 times a day, I knew I was addicted to it and that I had to stop before something bad happened. I was having suicidal thoughts. One night last week I was sexually assaulted by a friend of mine. He took pure advantage of me. I kept saying no and he wouldn't stop so this is now a whole new trauma added on to me dealing with my ex cheating on me. The day after that happened I was cutting myself deeply, I had suicidal thoughts and I was walking home and I was that spaced out I was walking on the middle of the road, nearly got hit by a car and didnt even realise it. So at this point I was in a huge mess physically and mentally so I rang my ex for help. He came over to my house and he helped me. He calmed me down. I felt so safe, relaxed and reassured when he was with me. He was completely shocked when he saw the state that I was in. He stayed the night with me cause his house was 3 hours away. We talked a lot of stuff through. Aswell as that we kissed and slept with each other. He didn't take advantage of me or push me into it. It was a mutual decision and at this point he didn't know that I had been sexually assaulted. The next day I didn't want him to leave because I knew that when he would be leaving that I would go back to the mess that I was in before I saw him. He convinced me to stop cutting myself which I have and he also advised me to go to a counselor which I also have started. Without him I wouldn't have done any of that. I know it sounds crazy that he was my support after what he did to me. Like he is basically the reason for this. Since he is worried about me he has been checking up on my everyday since. I could go through a day of pain but once I talk to him in the evening all the pain is gone and I feel so relaxed and the urge to self harm is gone. I have no friends to confide in so I'm glad he is there for me even though we both know we shouldn't be talking. But I am not healthy mentally and I need the support. Yesterday I was thinking and I realized that there is nothing here for me anymore. So I was planning to move to my aunts house in Spain for the summer. I believe the sun and relaxed lifestyle would be a huge benefit to me. But I know I am crazy for thinking that I would love my ex to come with me. I cant stop thinking about how perfect it would be, just the 2 of us over there with no one to come in our way. I would love for that to happen but I am crazy for thinking it right?

[Wiseman2]

He sounds like a good friend in need but he is an ex for a reason. Go to your aunts by yourself, right now you are just feeling warm and fuzzy because he responded to your desperate pleas. Counselling and the summer vacation sound like the best bets.

2 months ago I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for our whole relationship. He convinced me to go to a counselor which I also have started. I would love my ex to come with me. I cant stop thinking about how perfect it would be.

[HeartGoesOn]

I cant stop thinking about how perfect it would be, just the 2 of us over there with no one to come in our way. I would love for that to happen but I am crazy for thinking it right?

 

You're not "crazy" but you are in denial simply because rather than face reality, denial is a safer place to be at the moment. I agree with "moving to your aunt's house for the summer" as a way to help with your healing, and begin to get your thoughts in order.

 

Hopefully you'll eventually see where there was no future with this guy.

[Clinton]

It's a wonderful dream but it's not reality. Keep working on yourself. You cant include him as part of your support group because eventually you'll have to come to terms with what he is, a cheat.

[changeiscoming]

The reason we cried and sobbed and wanted to kill ourselves was because we knew in our hearts what we had was broken. We now have a choice stay and accept the broken as our future or leave and as scary as it is start over, no one, alone; all the thoughts will I find someone as good as him, I've invested so much time so forth.

 

I feel your pain as i'm dealing with the same situation and I've searched and searched for answers, counselling and even had my foot out the door when I couldn't let go because I saw her crying and sobbing. Even when you gather the strength to do what you need to your road ahead is going to be hard and a huge struggle.

 

Best thing to do right now is don't be hard on yourself; the world is being tough on you... why are you being so hard on yourself? Take time to build good health, the world isn't over ... only your world the bubble. There are people who will love you and care.

 

I probably would have a hard time choosing as well but i'd say go on the trip yourself. Let him sit in his guilt for a while and allow him to make a real life decision is it you he wants or does he want to keep wandering. You will have to accept what it is and live with it or without.

 

Stop cutting yourself! Maybe cut up his crap lol

[Rosalin]

I agree with the comment posted earlier. You are living in denial, but then this is a normal phase everybody goes through. I also think it is a brilliant idea to step out, take a break from all this mess and go to your aunt's for some time. However, you need to stay away from your ex. And you most certainly have to stop cutting yourself or indulging in any kind of self-destructive activities. You need to understand that it was a toxic relationship - one that will not lead anywhere eventually and only cause you more harm. You need to break free and come clean of all this. You need to accept the fact that it is over and let it go. Give it some time and you will realize that it was for your own good. All this will only culminate if you have an awareness that you deserve more than this. You see, the more that you allow yourself to do what you need to do where he's concerned, the more you chase him, the more you pursue him, the more you go back to him. And of what use will all this be? Do you really see a future with this man? Is he sorry for his behavior and wants to rekindle the relationship with you? Is he making any real efforts for you? Hell, no! He is just concerned about you - perhaps because he feels heavily guilty about his role in all this. But does he really love you? You need to come out of denial and ask yourself some real questions and face this brutal truth - no matter how much it hurts. Continue seeking professional help and give yourself loads of time and love. You more than deserve it!