Dumped? What to do...

[Wiseman2]

I'm sorry but this is ](*,)

You said you were cutting contact so why would you expect a reply? Try not to use desperate measures such as this to illicit a reaction that then isn't forthcoming. Why does he keep asking about the cat?

all he emailed me about was the cat. I couldn't handle it any longer and was cutting contact as I was/am just getting too hurt and.....no reply

[Basket]

I'm sorry but this is ](*,)

You said you were cutting contact so why would you expect a reply? Try not to use desperate measures such as this to illicit a reaction that then isn't forthcoming. Why does he keep asking about the cat?

 

I think I **** it. I know I'm handling this badly, but he just won't talk to me and I'm dashing around making stupid dramatic gestures in the hope he'll react (one way or the other) so I can put it to rest. In lots of ways my email was very sweet.

 

When I said I was cutting contact I meant I wasnt going to contact him anymore because I didn't feel he wanted me to. I couldn't take the rejection anymore. I suppose I just wanted a response that said either

 

a) it's over

b) I'm confused

c) agh don't leave me

 

When I sent it I did mean it, and I thought I would be able to move on without an explanation from him but I can't. Everyone was encouraging me to write it and send it, including his best friend. But I've realised now that all those people were people who thought he is a/being a d*ck

 

Last night he posted a photo of his pretty friend at the zoo and said "someone's super excited to meet the giraffes". So I texted and asked if he was seeing her now. He replied and said no, they were there as a group. But he never posts photos like that and even my Mum thought he might have posted it to wind me up... However bad I am at addressing things, I'm definitely not as bad as him.

 

(His cat is being looked after while he's away and they don't want it anymore - so last week he was emailing me about it. I think he wanted me to sort it for him. I was getting messages like "it might have to be put down - following by lots of crying emoticons"

[Basket]

(His cat is being looked after while he's away and they don't want it anymore - so last week he was emailing me about it. I think he wanted me to sort it for him. I was getting messages like "it might have to be put down - following by lots of crying emoticons"

 

Incidentally on the cat point, the people first email/texted nearly 2 months ago to say they didn't want the cat anymore and he put it on the long finger hoping it would all work out. He barely replied. They then sent incresingly desperate emails, pleading with him to do something. So it's not just me! He drives people to distraction!

[Cope]

Put down the cat because it can't find an owner??? Is this usual procedure in other countries??? Forgive me if iam wrong, but maybe he's really trying to make you keep it?

Sorry that just stood out too much for me.

 

About the Email, you sent it, it's ok, even if now you think it's a mistake, it wasn't. You were honest about everything, it's not like you lied. You are just feeling vulnerable because you "stripped" in front of him and are waiting naked for his decision. It's totally ok. They have taught us that feeling vulnerable is a bad thing that brings shame. Well, it's not. You stated your feelings honestly, you are actually inspiring.It takes guts.

 

I'd be proud, honestly. You did your best, the ball is in his court!

[Basket]

Put down the cat because it can't find an owner??? Is this usual procedure in other countries??? Forgive me if iam wrong, but maybe he's really trying to make you keep it?

Sorry that just stood out too much for me.

 

About the Email, you sent it, it's ok, even if now you think it's a mistake, it wasn't. You were honest about everything, it's not like you lied. You are just feeling vulnerable because you "stripped" in front of him and are waiting naked for his decision. It's totally ok. They have taught us that feeling vulnerable is a bad thing that brings shame. Well, it's not. You stated your feelings honestly, you are actually inspiring.It takes guts.

 

I'd be proud, honestly. You did your best, the ball is in his court!

 

Thank you - I needed to hear that.

 

I suppose my worry with the email is that I think he has abandonment issues. In any other relationship I've been in I'd send an email like that and then get one in return that says "it's not you its me etc etc, but its over". I worry that even though 95% of the email said I love him, he will have only seen the cutting off part and gone to ground. Likewise I think he's rejecting me so that I can't reject him if he decides to stay in Oz

 

I know the alternative is that he has lost interest and is sh*gging other people - and that is also quite possible, but I'm finding it really hard to let go when the first option is a possibility.

 

As for the cat - he was being melodramatic! There is a possibility that if it went into a rescue shelter and couldn't be rehomed, say within a year, it could be put down, but I don't think that happens very often.

[Wiseman2]

It seems safe to assume this is the case without a dissertation from him as to why, how, etc. It seems you want continued contact and engagement because you can't let go, rather than any sort of "closure". "Closure" is a myth and chasing it is just a means to stay in touch. Creeping his social media then confronting him about it is not going to win him back. You may have to accept that he is the tip-toe out slowly type ("I'm so busy, etc") and decide if you want to be strung along by this. Tell him his cat and stuff are no longer your responsibility or concern.

a) it's over

[Basket]

It seems safe to assume this is the case without a dissertation from him as to why, how, etc. It seems you want continued contact and engagement because you can't let go, rather than any sort of "closure". "Closure" is a myth and chasing it is just a means to stay in touch. Creeping his social media then confronting him about it is not going to win him back. You may have to accept that he is the tip-toe out slowly type ("I'm so busy, etc") and decide if you want to be strung along by this. Tell him his cat and stuff are no longer your responsibility or concern.

 

 

Yes I can't let go because I have a gut feeling that this is not what he wants. And I know that this gut feeling may just be hope.

 

I'm not creeping his social media - we're friends and it appeared on my news feed.

 

I think I've decided to try and call him and confront him with that as an option - from his reaction I should be able to tell one way or the other.

 

I'm not even sure I want to be with him if he is this high maintenance but I don't want things left in a muddle.

[Cope]

I'd advise you not to call him. You sent a long Email stating what you want from him etc. It is up to him now, if he wants you, he will reach out. If he doesn't because he has issues, then. well you said it:

 

 

 

.

 

I'm not even sure I want to be with him if he is this high maintenance

 

You should not be anyone's psychiatrist. As for closure, i agree with Wiseman a bit, stop asking for it. I think the email should be your last card. Sometimes not answering is an answer, sometimes it's even clearer than a written one too.

 

That said, if you truly, honestly, deep down inside believe that you really need to give this another try and that you have not already got your answer, by all means, call him. But i really think you will get nothing out of it. Besides, you can give closure to yourself with leaving.That's closure.

[Wiseman2]

Constantly confronting him is not going to win him back, despite your gut feelings that he really wants this. What do you want? that is the most important question

Yes I can't let go because I have a gut feeling that this is not what he wants. I think I've decided to try and call him and confront him