Better not to respond or respond coldly?

[Wolfshook]

Ok,my ex contacts me from time to time since our breakup, I always up untill now responded in good manner (short and to the point),the again everything goes silent for a while.

 

It has been more than 3 months since BU (almost 4),and as you can read from my posts I've come pretty far but I'd still love to be with her some day.

 

Today she contacted me once again,about something unimportant and I dont know whether is better to respond or just to keep quiet and just forget it? Which is better in your opinion if you want to get back together with her?

 

I feel indiferent about this, I have no urge to respond so it would not be hard to go silent.

[mrsin627]

I feel like only you know the answer to this question.

 

But if I felt indifferent about talking to somebody then I wouldn't talk to them.

[Clinton]

You want her back so you're not really indifferent to the whole situation. I didn't read your back story, but if you've already expressed the way you feel eg: you want her back and don't wish to only be friends with her, I'd cut her off.

 

As is she gets all the benefits of you being there for her as she slowly moves on to other guys.

[Wiseman2]

Is random chit-chat her way of keeping some sort of connection?

Today she contacted me once again,about something unimportant and I dont know whether is better to respond or just to keep quiet and just forget it? Which is better in your opinion if you want to get back together with her? I feel indiferent about this, I have no urge to respond so it would not be hard to go silent.

[DoF]

The fact that he CAN reach you is the issue.

 

And this is something you enabled your ex to do, but NOT ignoring/blocking them.......try that.

 

Leave your ex where she belongs, in history/past. Nothing good can come of ANY kind of relationship with ex (or contact). So disable it all together ehh?

[Wolfshook]

Few days after she cried on my phone (about a month ago), she told me she cant see me in non romantic way and so we cant be friends (its hard to translate but I did my best), she still has feelings but not enough for relationship,I said ok,fine with me and that was it. Later she contacted me about some stupid stuff (adresses,etc) few times, my responses were responses on the topic she asked me about or when she said some info i just said ok. She then just thanked me and I didn't say anything further.

 

This happened again today, and I'm really starting to think I should stop responding, I do want her back,but if at any point she wanted me back I would need a lot more than "where is that caffee at your street?".

 

What I'm asking is what would be more apropriate not to ruin the chance of recon in the future?

 

I'm not really anxious about her messaging me, I'm rather angry she doesnt leave me alone and bothers me with stupid things I dont care about.

[Wiseman2]

Is drama her way of getting your attention?

[Wolfshook]

I dont know, nothing much dramatic has been happening since that call,and nothing of a sort was happening in relationship, she was pretty much great person to be with in relationship.

[Wiseman2]

Maybe the nonsense texts are to keep herself on the radar?

I dont know, nothing much dramatic has been happening since that call,and nothing of a sort was happening in relationship, she was pretty much great person to be with in relationship.

[Wolfshook]

Could be, but it makes no sense from "we're done" point of view. Anyway I dont want to read too much into texts, what do you think would be appropriate thing to do?

 

Do i try not responding and see if she contacts me for my birthday? (its in a few days)

[reinventmyself]

breadcrumbs

Don't settle for being demoted as some sort of resource when you in reality are after a relationship.

 

She said she didn't have the right romantic feelings for you while you were together. . she will not develop them in your absence.

 

So, yes. .The best response is no response in this case.

[TeaLeaf1234]

I think you already know your answer. It is better to not say anything because if you do ever decide to get back together or want to be friends, then it'll be easier since nothing mean was ever said.

[Wiseman2]

Yes. Good idea. It's a perfect opportunity to see what falls out.

Do i try not responding and see if she contacts me for my birthday? (its in a few days)

[Wolfshook]

Thank you guys, I will not say anything to her.

 

About saying anything mean, I havent said anything mean ever,and I don't plan starting now. I never say anything mean to anyone,and I will not start with her. Although she said a lot of mean stuff to me at the beginning I played cool,she did apologize and I understand why she did it.

[mustlovedogs]

I come from a different perspective. If I reached out to my ex and didn't hear from him, I would take that as he doesn't want to hear from me and I would leave him alone. Including no birthday text.

 

My vote is reply, but be cordial/short/not super interested. And then let her reach out again.

[Hmmmm]

Are you sure that you're indifferent? Somehow posting about it online tells me otherwise. I could be wrong.

[Wolfshook]

Are you sure that you're indifferent? Somehow posting about it online tells me otherwise. I could be wrong.

 

Indifferent about responding , yes (othervise I would just respond,or not respond), indiferent about her, no.

[Shane Falco]

Indifferent about responding , yes (othervise I would just respond,or not respond), indiferent about her, no.

 

Then don't respond. From what it seems you always respond and it just keeps you in limbo. Stop being that guy. It's time to make real progress and move forward. Let her run and catch up to you if she so desires, but you responding, even if it's cold, just confirms that you're on the hook, which is why she goes silent. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.