Finally moving forward

[ragdoll15]

Bump! I've been reading your journal and have gone through all of your posts. Hope you're doing okay Mango!

[Mango713]

Life has been very busy lately. Over the last few weeks I have put in a ton of overtime so it helped to keep me distracted. Last week, I worked over 90 hours so not much time to do anything but to work, eat and sleep. Haven't had a lot of free time to sit around and mope.

 

I am in a way better place than I was a month ago. I am on medicine but I only see it as temporary until I get back on track. When I start training for my half marathon this summer, I think it will help too with the anxiety and depression.

 

I was talking to a guy I met on Tinder. I did it as a distraction at first with no real expectations other than to take my mind off things. Now I can't get rid of the guy. I don't want to be that person that ignores the guy but I have no other idea how to get him to go away. There are a lot of red flags with him. We have been on 2 dates, and he said he told his whole family about me already. He "jokingly" mentioned marriage. I was like ? I go from a guy who can't commit to a guy who is a little too aggressive. I can't win.

 

Now to the guy I was trying to move forward from. We have been in communication the last week. He wished me good luck at work because I was working on some big events that he knew were this past weekend. It started a conversation again. We met last night for dinner and to talk. It was good conversation, and he was forthcoming. He was really honest about his feelings and why he did some of the things he did. It put my mind at ease on somethings and it helped with a lot of the unanswered questions that I had. And I realized I need to stop blaming myself.

 

He admitted he missed me. He asked to see me again but I told him I wasn't sure. I'm not going to jump back into it so it ends the same way again. Don't need this up and down bs anymore.

 

In the meantime, I'm going to keep doing me and working on myself one day at a time.

[ragdoll15]

I was talking to a guy I met on Tinder. I did it as a distraction at first with no real expectations other than to take my mind off things. Now I can't get rid of the guy. I don't want to be that person that ignores the guy but I have no other idea how to get him to go away. There are a lot of red flags with him. We have been on 2 dates, and he said he told his whole family about me already. He "jokingly" mentioned marriage. I was like ? I go from a guy who can't commit to a guy who is a little too aggressive. I can't win.

 

Ehhh... I would drop this guy. Guys like this come on really strong because they will do anything necessary to secure you without knowing whether or not they really love you yet. They're either a) highly insecure, or b) emotionally immature and will be very selfish lovers.

 

I'm glad you're doing better Mango. I'm surprised you can talk to your ex already though. How'd you get in contact? I'm not sure I can talk to mine yet. Not for at least half a year probably... Getting dumped because he doesn't want to commit really kills my wanting to get in touch.

[Wiseman2]

Is this the guy? met on Tinder. been on 2 dates He "jokingly" mentioned marriage.

Yeah, dump the Tinder guy, but how does it feel to be back in touch with the ex?

[Mango713]

Yes, it's the same Tinder guy. He still hasn't left me alone despite what I've said to him. I could go the route of just ignoring him or blocking him. I am trying to be nice about it.

 

I started talking to my ex again because I broke no contact and emailed him. How everything ended was eating away at me. I needed to write to him to get some things off my chest, and I was honest with him and apologized. He wrote back apologizing too and said that we still needed some time apart and maybe down the road we could meet and chat. Last week, he reached out wishing me good luck for the weekend with my events I had going on (I work in event management). It just started a conversation again, and he asked once things went back to normal with work if we could get together. We went out to dinner and had a great talk. It made me understand why he asked for space, and why he did some of the things he did. It made so much more sense, and if he was that honest with me while we were together it would have been a lot easier.

 

I don't have any hard feelings towards him and think after some more time we could be friends. I just worry he will want to go back to what it is we had and go down the same path. He asked me if it was a bad idea if we were hanging out, and I was like, we are just having a conversation. Later he also mentioned that he just needed to time to refocus on himself and if I fell in love with someone else in a month than he realized that was his loss.

 

He said some other things that made it seem he had given some thought about us getting back together. He asked if we could get together again this weekend. Not sure if I will but it is tempting. As much as I did want things to work out between us, I know things will go down the same path unless he is truly ready to commit.

[Mango713]

It's been about two weeks since I saw my ex. He asked to see me again and each time he flaked. I should have known better. It hurt my feelings some but it's not any different from before.

 

It was probably too soon to see each other again. I think opening the lines of communication wasn't wrong but seeing him was too much. Being with him that night reminded me of all the reasons why I loved him and missed him. I feel kinda foolish now.

 

I have been doing really well with everything else but this has made me a bit down the last few days. Not going to let it get too me too much.

 

Like he said if I fall in love with someone else than that's his loss. If he was ever really afraid of losing me and truly saw my value, he would have made a real effort a long time ago.

[Mango713]

I thought I was doing well and moving along. I was happy and focusing on myself. But I feel like I made a step forward, now ten steps back.

 

Seeing my ex again made me realize all the reasons why I loved him. I tried to be casual and just let things happen as they may but I couldn't. It is hard to just turn off the feelings. We spent a great night together catching up. It was like nothing had changed. He wanted to see me then he flaked out. He said how busy he was but he was making plans with everybody but me. He promised when he had a few days off, we'd make plans. Never heard from him. Reverted back to exactly the way he was before. Texted me yesterday and said he was busy all weekend but we could hang soon. Still no committment of plans.

 

I guess I hoped things would be different but I knew things wouldn't be different. Even though I kinda still wanted things to work between us, I have still been dating. Last night, I went on a second date. Some how I accidentally called my ex during the date, and he heard me talking to this guy. He called me like 10 times. When we finally did talk, he was obviously jealous and upset. He couldn't believe I was out and all this stuff. What does he expect? Like seriously? I am supposed to sit around and wait forever until he's ready? He was so mean on the phone call, and he said again he was done for good. None of it is fair. It is beyond frustrating. And i have stupidly let it happen for way too long.