Am I in the friend-zone, or is there something more here?

[Portland94]

Hi all,

 

I am graduating this year, and I am moving to New York City for work, fun and to experience something new. About two weeks ago in college I bumped into this girl who I know well, out in the smoking section and we got talking about plans after graduation. It turns out she is moving there too. So we agreed to have lunch, which was the best lunch date I've ever had with a woman, because usually I have to be on my best behavior, no cursing, rude stories etc! It was during this lunch, something clicked inside me and I began to see her in a new light.

 

To give readers an better idea, she is a 10/10, arguably the most beautiful girl in the entire college, and I'm not being dramatic, she got invited into multiple VIP lounges in LA when on holidays. I myself, am quite an attractive man, I work out, eat healthy, I'm only a tiny bit heavier than I would like to be, but all in all a good guy, but nowhere NEAR her level.

 

I suffered very badly from a previous relationship where I had to start taking medication. My whole life fell apart, it turned me into a shell of myself. But now I want to move on and find someone new. We often send texts and talk on Facebook, sometimes with her starting the conversations wishing me luck in whatever I may have that day, asking me how my operation went, or walking her to the bus.

 

She is great fun, she has my sense of humor, does not care about what other people think about her, which I find very attractive. We have gone out for lunch twice, but one day she messaged me saying we need to go out for drinks when I get better from my surgery. The plan is we will live together as roommates in New York. She has the belief that everything happens for a reason. I am not head over heals for her, but she is on my mind quite a lot.

 

So this is what I want to know, am I in the friend-zone or not? She has lived with my friends(men) in the past for rent and broke up with her boyfriend a while back. Is she keeping in touch with me, to benefit herself so that she has a solid contact in NY or is there something more to it? She bought me lunch on our previous encounter, but what does that really mean?

 

Am I getting my hopes up with a girl as attractive and socially demanded as her, or does she see me as something more in me?

 

Do women want to be romantically involved with someone they are about to live with?

 

Would I risk everything now by telling her I really like her, sacrificing a potential friend and roommate, or will I leave it a few weeks and see if my feelings have changed, further risking her finding someone new during that time?

 

Is it worth living with someone that attractive, or am I sacrificing my single life by not meeting new outgoing, single people in New York, which was why I was going in the first place? I can only guess she is leaving here for that very reason.

 

To be honest, I think we would be a great match, we enjoy each other's company, but me and love have never really worked out, which really gets to me.

 

Thank you for reading everybody, I would love to hear from you all. P

[reinventmyself]

I was on the fence all the way through until you posed the question:

Do women want to be romantically involved with someone they are about to live with?

 

I'd say a resounding `no'.

Based on what you have shared, she sees you as friend.

 

Is it worth living with someone that attractive, or am I sacrificing my single life by not meeting new outgoing, single people in New York

As to this^ It's unclear how you would be limited by living with your attractive female friend.

[ThatwasThen]

I think it's fundamentally and simply illogical to move in with someone as a friend, when you are as attracted to them as you seem to be. Back off and get your crush in order or ask her out on a date and see if she responds favorably when you attempt to put your arm around her or hold her hand. If she welcomes it, then there you go. If she doesn't then get on with your trip to NY alone and don't go with her. That's my suggestion.

[Movingforward3]

I think you already know that you have been friend zoned. Just keep it casual and perhaps you will have shot some day.

I would do the opposite of what most guys try do: sleep with her and tell her she is hot!

She likely gets this from every guy if she is a 10. I would compliment her on her intelligence and common sense. Develop a relationship and get into her hobbies. Just a thought.

[TMifune]

Living with a woman that you're attracted to but not dating....what could go wrong?

 

I'd think long and hard about how you're going to feel when you're one room away trying to sleep and all you can hear is her moaning underneath some other guy through the wall for 3 hours.

 

Living with a woman you're interested in but who's not "with" you is a surefire way to put yourself through some hell.

[Portland94]

That is very true, you are completely right. I would not be handle that at all. Will I just tell her how I feel so that she knows I don't want to be just another friend?

[Movingforward3]

No, that is advertising weakness and desperation to get with her.

[Portland94]

Desperation is hardly a word I would use. Thank God I have women in line to fill her shoes

[Helpexpressme]

You should get separate apartments but still keep the friendship. Build on it.

[musicman777]

Living with a woman that you're attracted to but not dating....what could go wrong?

 

I'd think long and hard about how you're going to feel when you're one room away trying to sleep and all you can hear is her moaning underneath some other guy through the wall for 3 hours.

 

Living with a woman you're interested in but who's not "with" you is a surefire way to put yourself through some hell.

 

lol, THIS. This has bad news written all over it. Living in denial/secret is going to destroy you. As TMi put it, imagine her bringing other guys home for the night and stuff. That's going to destroy you inside. Also, moving in and then telling her you like her... also a mistake.

 

OP, I like to tell people to be straightforward and direct. Why waste your time and let someone else come in for the kill? You want a potential relationship with this girl... why not just go for it? Ask her on a date. Say you know you are moving in together, but you really like her. You're not sure about moving with her because you feel this way but you really want to pursue something if she would give you the chance. Take a shot and see how she responds to that. Honesty is the best thing.

 

Be honest, tell her the truth. If she just likes you as a friend, wish her luck and move on. I wouldn't move in with her though if there is feelings/attraction involved, absolutely NOT.

[Portland94]

Thanks musicman777, I hugely appreciate that. I'm just going to go and tell her I feel, I am starting to get very emotionally attached now which is really getting to me.

[Wiseman2]

Roommates and friend-zone kind of go hand-and-hand. This isn't living together as a couple. It could get awkward if she dates and brings guys home.

The plan is we will live together as roommates in New York. So this is what I want to know, am I in the friend-zone or not? Do women want to be romantically involved with someone they are about to live with?

[Portland94]

I see what you mean Wiseman2. I'm always told to keep my options open which is why I'm travelling in the first place but once you have feelings it's that bit more difficult. I don't want to be just her friend

[Portland94]

She was leading me on, she told me she has lots of guy friends and not to get the wrong impression, she's not worth it. This hurts really bad

[TMifune]

Sorry. I'm glad you didn't move in with her.