Swanseagirl Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Hey everyone, I'm so confused, I like this guy I work with, I thought he liked me too, he acted like he did, and we had gone out together and spent quite a lot of time together, There is a lot to the story but above all we never crossed a line and we were really close friends and work was a pleasent place with my friend there. I have obviously developed feelings for him, I'm pretty sure he knows this, I was drunk one time when he had asked me out and basically told him. However he could have thought that was the drink talking and dismissed it but he did tell me if he could like me that way he would. I have known him a year and we have a back and forth game playing hot cold situation going on which I am normally fine with, when I say fine with obviously I mean I can deal with it.... when he's cold I know things will soon turn around and we will be having fun again in no time. But lately... He has changed, he's rude, he's quite nasty, it's as though he dislikes me completely as a person, he ignores me, he's snappy.... but more than anything he is beyond fine with everyone else. He is overly flirting with women we work with who are much older than us both and who I know he doesn't actually rate as a person. He is really going out of his way to flirt a lot with them infront of me especially. He won't even speak to me without dragging one of them in to the conversation for no reason. I don't understand what I have done wrong but all I can think is because I have been quite moody with him lately, mainly because he is being vile towards me some of the time and it is hurting me but also because I have a lot going on at work and at home. He has a nice 5 minutes in the day where he is his usual old lovely self but it doesn't last long at all before he is (what feels like) purposely trying to hurt me. He makes me nervous now because I'm scared of how he is going to hurt me next. I keep crying at work. I want to change this but I can't fix it cos I don't know what i've done wrong. He does still stare at me but that is all he does. We haven't spoken properly as friends in weeks and it seems he purposely flirts with others in front of me. It's making life at work hard and upsetting. I can't talk to him about it because he will more than likely deny all knowledge of knowing we ever had a close relationship and say he is doing absolutely nothing wrong now. I can't talk to anyone else about it cos our close relationship was kept secret and behind closed doors. How do I get my friend back? I might have feelings for him but I don't want to push it into more I just want our friendship and closeness back? I am so upset all of the time. any advice? Link to comment
Clinton Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Can't be friends with someone you have romantic feelings for. It never works. Sounds like for whatever reason, he feels you've done him wrong. I'd keep the relationship at work business only avoid him outside of work. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 but he did tell me if he could like me that way he would. He's being the way he is so that you'll stop wasting your good dating years schmoozing with him. He's doing you a favor as he's clearly told you that he does not view in a romantic manner but he probably clearly sees that you're smitten... What it looks like he's doing is putting "blocks" up to you so that you distance yourself and, you're able to do that because you take him down off the pedestal you have him on due to his behaviour. Stop trying to be in his company and get yourself of the mind-set that you don't need to have him in your life... You don't because wanting him there is stagnating you from finding a partner that wants you the way you want him. You'll be okay... just get started on doing the accepting that he's not meant to be who you want him to be. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 P.S. I'll also point out that if he's the same guy as your other post, then he's married and he's likely putting up those "blocks" because you or he, in the past, have overstepped what he considers his relationship boundaries and now it's just time to stop even being nice so that you get the hint that nothing will ever happen with you. This has been going on for almost a year now... you're obsession with this man (if its the same one) its time for YOU to do the work you need to do to understand that he's not your "friend" and he's married. If you are crying at work over this then you may need to get personal therapy to help you over your limerence or, get another job if you don't want to delve into your own psyche and motivation(s). Good luck. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Well, he sounds pretty nasty. Why on earth would you want to be friends with him? I agree with others. He's trying to tell you something and I think the message he's not interested. Seeing that you admit that you are he is likely picking up on it. I would distance myself from this guy. You don't want to be his friend. I imagine it's hard working together but the sooner you tighten your belt and try to not let it affect you, the sooner he stop. He can only continue to hurt you and scare you if you allow it. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I'm adding something from your other post that is clear you haven't done. Again I am NOT planning anything I ignore him for god sake and I'm looking for another job what else am I meant to do!!!!!!!! That was back in April 2015 yet here you are in March 2016 with all the same emotions and wondering "what is his problem" when clearly the problem is within you, luv. Link to comment
Swanseagirl Posted March 9, 2016 Author Share Posted March 9, 2016 I'm not obsessed with him i do have a life outside of work and him and I don't think about him all of the time though at one point he was a big part of my life. I just want to get on with him like the others do if he isn't interested. I don't want to be treated differently. I know nothing will happen. That's fine we spoke about it at length when he took me out for drinks. I told him that I wasn't bothered either way he was the one obsessing over it and asking if I was ok and he does like me but he can't and wants to take me out again. So he more than likely doesn't realise that I do like him that much as I played it right down and always do as a protection thing. He can be horrible then he says sorry then he's lovely and flirty then he's horrible again then he will act like he likes me then go off again. We keep a lot of things between us like if we meet up outside of work. He has openly admitted he isn't overly keen on the lady he flirts with in front of me to me so why do it. Just trying to upset me it feels like. Link to comment
Swanseagirl Posted March 9, 2016 Author Share Posted March 9, 2016 It is a different person Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I'm sorry, but I would look at it as you're there to do a job, not look for romance, etc. Many jobs have been lost/compromised due to mixing ones personal life with their professional life. Yes, I know this wasn't your question, yet it's a point to ponder... Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 It is a different person Yet here your are in the exact same pattern of falling for guys at work that play you like your a fiddle... they just fiddle with your emotional well being and you keep going back for more of it. O.o Have you considered therapy to help you keep yourself away from men that are not available to you? I can't even imagine suffering the way you do as a habit and not wanting to fix myself within. Why do you do this to yourself? Meeting him outside of work and one-on-one is tormenting you to distraction. Why would you do that? Link to comment
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