lovehearts123 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 i know my last post was positive but I dont feel like it anymore. That lasted a few hours only. I feel like I am not making progress, and haven't done for about a month now. Its almost been 4 months post BU and maybe 3 since we talked last. I blocked him off everything, I dont bring his name up often to my friends, I dont look at his social media. He hasnt tried to reach out either. I dont know why im not progressing and becoming happier. I am definitelty better than I was the first 2 months, but the last 2 have been the same. I can be happy, I have moments where I am optimistic but then I feel down again. I exercise sometimes, I use my time up, I go out with friends often. I dont understand why im hung over an emotional cheater and an emotional abuser, a manipulator and someone who lied to me. this isnt due to self esteem at all. any advice about how to move forward. Link to comment
gundam94 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 It's ok to feel set backs every now and then. Sometimes we start thinking about our ex despite our best efforts. No matter how much we try to hate and forget them, they were part of our lives. For better or worse they were important to us. Even if they turned out to be horrible people. I know exactly how you feel. One day I'll feel like I'm finally over her and then a few hours later I'll be hugging a pillow crying my eyes out. Crying "I miss you" into that pillow. I would suggest seeing a therapist if feel like you are no longer making progress. I'm seeing one and it definitely helps. Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 It's been one month since you talked. That's a drop in the bucket. Healing takes a good long while once we accept the relationship is dead and there are many ups and downs look up the 5 stages of grief, it will give you an idea of what to expect. Healing is incremental. It's not like one day you wake up feeling great. It's slow and steady and you realise over time you hurt less. Hang in there, it will happen for you. Link to comment
lovehearts123 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 It's been one month since you talked. That's a drop in the bucket. Healing takes a good long while once we accept the relationship is dead and there are many ups and downs look up the 5 stages of grief, it will give you an idea of what to expect. Healing is incremental. It's not like one day you wake up feeling great. It's slow and steady and you realise over time you hurt less. Hang in there, it will happen for you. well we havent talked for 3 months actually, but yeah even that is not that long. Thing is, Ive never gotten over someone without moving on to liking someone else. I dont want to like anyone or be in a relationship for a long while yet so I am kind of scared that i wont get over him until I find someone else Link to comment
Sazkaz Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Hi lovehearts123, it seems that the screwy guys are the ones that mess our heads up the most and are the hardest to let go of I've started to listen to Michael Sealey hypnosis vids on YouTube every night when I go to bed. He's got a few sessions on forgiveness and letting go etc. It won't "heal" you instantly but I find it helps me because it gives me an hour every day where I can feel ok for a little while. And although it doesn't feel like it right now, you're slowly getting stronger everyday. One day you will be free of this. (That's what I keep telling myself anyway!). Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 well we havent talked for 3 months actually, but yeah even that is not that long. Thing is, Ive never gotten over someone without moving on to liking someone else. I dont want to like anyone or be in a relationship for a long while yet so I am kind of scared that i wont get over him until I find someone else I'm not a fan of the " you have to get under someone to get over someone" theory. I feel you never know if you're getting with them because you can't be alone or really care for them. I took three years off after my divorce(oh god Clinton, not this story again). I travelled, camped, hiked, canoed, mountain climbed you name it. I was on my own schedule and could do whatever I wanted when I wanted to. I still look back on those days fondly. And when I was ready to date again I did. It was there waiting for me. No one needs to be in a relationship to be happy. Yes, most of us prefer being with someone but learn to enjoy the in between times. Life's too short to be miserable when you don't have t be. Link to comment
lovehearts123 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 i do agree with you Clinton. i never get into relationships after breakup for a while, i just look for someone else to like. i just dont have anyone to like at the moment. do you honestly think its completely feasible to get over someone and not fancy someone else for a while? that sounds great Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Yes, it is possible. I did. But, you have to know you have value on your own. And you have to feel happy with yourself. Having a guy to "like" doesn't give you value. You loving yourself does. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 i do agree with you Clinton. i never get into relationships after breakup for a while, i just look for someone else to like. i just dont have anyone to like at the moment. do you honestly think its completely feasible to get over someone and not fancy someone else for a while? that sounds great Good for you for recognizing a pattern that no longer works for you. Jumping into another relationship distracts you from the pain of a breakup. Unfortunately when you do this you miss out on some very valuable lessons and opportunity to grow. The most difficult lessons are usually the most valuable. So now you are doing things differently. You shouldn't be surprised that it feels differently as well. It's worth it in the long run. Just try to have faith in that. Head high. . keep up the good work. Link to comment
lovehearts123 Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 thank you so much for your advice everyone! i REALLY look forward to the day when I can say i safely dont have feelings for him at all. after all hes done to me, he doesnt deserve that someone as caring and loving should stay hung up on him so long. a part of the emotional manipulation/abuse he used to say to me after anytime he did something wrong was 'I know you wouldnt have the strength to leave me'. wow, well i sure did leave him. and i willl have the strength to find someone who doesnt say that to me Link to comment
lovehearts123 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 to be honest, I feel bad that a cheater and manipulator like him, someone who is that low, could not love me. and hes gone for another girl now. i know he wouldnt accept the idea that he manipulated me or cheated on me, so sometimes I feel that I should be lenient, and say to myself its my fault and he wasnt actually cheating. Im scared I wont feel the way I did for him again Link to comment
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