I just broke up with my girlfriend on Valentine's day...

[Avro1986]

Hi everyone!

 

My 5-month girlfriend and I just broke up, and I was hoping to get some advice. We first met through friends and things were great at first! I am 29, and she is 22. I just finished grad school and applying to vet school. She dropped-put of university (undergraduate), and doesn't know what she wants. She has a lot of anxiety problems (losing her hair) and family issues. I love her a lot and told her I would be there for her for as long as she wanted to because I went through a lot of stuff at the age (e.g. losing two parents), so I felt great empathy towards her.

 

Our canonical problem was sex. We had issues in the past where she felt that I didn't desire her enough and that I made her feel like crap because of that. We had several honest discussions about it. I acknowledged her feelings, and agreed to some part. She said that she had never had a guy go limp on her!! And I said: "well perhaps these guys only used you for sex, that they didn't see you as relationship material." I have been seeing a psychologist for some time about other issues, and we were talking about healthy relationships. My psychologist said that a successful long-term relationship needs three things: 1) Physical attraction 2) Friendship 3) A set of common values. I believed we had all threes. However, my ex thought that I didn't desire her.

 

I train regularly and work 6 days a week (some of it in a dairy farm). Recently, we spent ~1 week together and sometimes, I get tired. I just want to be cuddled and kissed. She is right: at first, I did want to be cuddled and scratched a lot. But then we talked and I re-adjusted. A problem she has is that she doesn't express herself clearly. I am clueless sometimes, and she feels that simply looking at me a certain way should be enough. Still, I make a lot of efforts to pleasure my girlfriend, but it's hard to do so when you're stressed and haven't slept well for a few days. She essentially goes to work at her natural food store, and work out. I don't remember the last time she initiated sex... I felt so much pressure.

 

She admitted that she tended to fixate on things and greatly appreciate what I do for her. She is seeing a therapist. I am sad, but told her that I love her and doesn't want to make her unhappy. So, we broke up, but I still want to be with her... She once told me that she was worried that as I go forward, I will put pressure on her to succeed. She says that we are not compatible, but besides the more frequent bad sex, I feel so happy with her. We share a lot of common values and laugh a lot.

 

Perhaps we aren't compatible... I'm sorry, I don't have a specific question... I just feel very sad right now...

[Hollyj]

Doesn't sound like you're compatible. Also, there are a ton of issues. So much drama.

[No1]

spending time with her didnt translate to a working relationship and better off as friends. You two were just not meant to be. Thats okay, she is on her own path and so are you. Youll find someone who is more compatable with you

[Ms Darcy]

Yeah you guys don't sound like you are on the same wavelength at all. Definitely not compatible.

 

Sorry that you feel bad. In time you will find someone who is a better fit.