How active should you be on social media after breakup?

[MrBrightside15]

I'm wondering when it comes to social media platforms where you don't control whether a person follows you or not, like Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat (mine are all public) how much a person should be posting after a breakup? My gf broke up with me a few weeks ago, but she still follows me on social media, and I keep asking myself how to handle this. I normally don't post much as it is, but now I feel like being much more careful about what I post online, knowing she will see it. It's not about posting things to make her jealous or anything like that, but the problem is that it disrupts the NC to a small extent. The question is, do you post things online as you normally would, knowing she's going to then be getting those little bits of information about what you're doing, OR do you purposefully stay away from posting online, keeping her totally in the dark about what you're up to.

 

Posting normally means that you can go about your life as you usually would, but also might make it easier for her, because it's a small amount of indirect contact with you (although it could be the opposite effect, depending on what you're posting), but not posting at all could make her miss you more, since she's getting no information at all and your life is just a mystery to her now.

 

Context: The break up was due to long distance. We dated for 2.5 years, then she moved far away because of a job. Six months later and the distance did us in. She said she still loves me, but the situation just isn't working for her. Have gone completely NC since the break up, about three weeks now, but I do want to one day be back together with her.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think that using social media as a means to send direct/indirect messages to an ex, after a breakup is immature and pointless. Of course it's your call, but I would keep my personal life/breakup separate from any form of social media. In other words, take the high road.

[ThatwasThen]

Are you creeping her social networking sites? If you are, then stop that. You need to do everything you can to get over her and looking at her stuff everyday isn't going to facilitate that. Unless she's moving back to where she lived when you were together, there is no point in "hoping" you get back together and it's keeping yourself stagnated romantically which isn't in your best interests.

[alc16]

I'm not 100% sure but can you not block on her on all 3 of those things? Problem solved. I'm pretty sure I blocked some of my ex's family on my instagram recently.

[ParisPaulette]

Not.at.all.

 

Go dark, go off the rez, go out and do things that do not entail sitting in front of a computer either electronically checking up on an ex or frantically posting things to make it look like you're having a good time without them.

 

Just go live life, put it all on park/hold/deactivate. Social Media + Breakup = The Devil Himself. At least in my books.

[Clinton]

Post away. An ex is an ex.

 

But of course you want to reconcile so you don't want her to see you moving on with anyone else.

 

It won't matter in the long run. I'm sure she won't be celibate and I'm sure she doesn't expect you will be either.

 

If fate brings you together again one day neither of you can hold the past against each other.

[Waraqqa]

Posting smth knowing she might or might not see it can cause some discomfort (or needless hopefulness/subconscious/unintentional attention-seeking) or other "symptoms", possibly on both sides. If you want to post and live normally, but are not ready to "unfriend" her, or if you think it may come across too adversarial to "unfriend" given that you parted on good terms, then it may be a good idea 1) to "unfollow" her and 2) to hide your posts from her (there is a setting you can do to choose your audience, for instance for your posts to be visible to "friends; except xyz" where you put her in. She won't be offended because she can't see how you filter your posts or that you unfollowed her. That way you can post freely since she won't see it, have peace of mind not overthinking your posts, and also not tearing yourself emotionally when inadvertently coming across her posts in the feed.

 

I did completely unfriend two individuals I dated, but that's because it came to point where I couldn't really trust them and did not envision anything for us in future together, not even friendship. With a number of other ex's I keep them there, even though we don't get back together nor communicate a lot, but those other break-ups were amicable and we stayed on good terms, so there is no tension or weirdness.

[Heavy]

I'm not 100% sure but can you not block on her on all 3 of those things? Problem solved. I'm pretty sure I blocked some of my ex's family on my instagram recently.

 

Sure can block on all 3 platforms. Best option is to either do that or don't post at all.

 

My News years resolution is that I'm not posting nor liking any post on FB this year, so far I have done a post since the photo I took of the sun rising on new years day. Tell you what I'm enjoying life more and talking to more people face to face which is a beautiful change.

[MrBrightside15]

I'm aware I have the option to her, but that to me seems too extreme and adversarial. I'm not creeping her profiles or anything, so that's not an issue here.

I think greatly limiting my posts is the way to go. I try to stay busy and to get out and do things, but there's not a lot of things to do here in the winter, and I don't have a lot of people to do them with.

[MrBrightside15]

I'm aware I have the option to her, but that to me seems too extreme and adversarial. I'm not creeping her profiles or anything, so that's not an issue here.

I think greatly limiting my posts is the way to go. I try to stay busy and to get out and do things, but there's not a lot of things to do here in the winter, and I don't have a lot of people to do them with.

block her*

[IAmFCA]

Stay off social.media. change nothing on your fb page. Do not look at hers. One day, you will look at hers, and see something you don't want to see. If you don't want that to happen, unfollow her at the very least, and block if that's better.