derPhilosoph Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 So,I am male, mixed race, almost 30, limited dating experience, never had a GF, but have visited escorts in the past few years so I got that monkey off my back. I really hate how I have what seems like a very high sex drive... Even after jerking off 2 to 3 times a day, I still have feelings of lust around conventionally attractive women... I hate this, mainly because I am a below-average looking male due to a # of factors (am mixed race in a predominantly white US state, am only 5'7", have severe acne scarring on my face, etc etc etc) - thus it is hard for me to find a buddy, FWB, etc. Like I don't even need a GF at this point - I just need this drive to greatly decrease! Also would like to clarify about my acne scarring: In another thread I made with pictures of it, many forum members said I was making a big deal out of a slight physical flaw. Well let me add more detail - 1) the severity of acne scarring cannot be fully conveyed by even the highest megapixel/image quality camera. The human eye is far better than a camera at seeing details. 2) how bad acne scarring looks is heavily dependent on the lighting conditions, 3) even if I didn't care about being perceived as gay, using a makeup routine would cover some but not all of my scarring since I have an area on my left cheek where there is atrophied tissue underneath and it is sunken in. I just wanted to educate people here a little more as I know how rare my condition is amongst the general population. I don't want to drag out my woe is me or my sob story anymore, because no one has time for that. I am also less inclined to visit escorts these days since there are always so many risks going with that route (robbery, police sting, getting murdered, STDs of course) and the experiences always seem to leave me hollow inside afterwards... Yeah it is a good time for 30mins to 1 hour, but still - there is no emotional connection...... I will be considering chemical castration in 5-10 years if this doesn't take a nose dive! I can't get on with my life and put my energy into work, hobbies, developing new skills, etc. because this is annoying me. I figure that chemical castration will be a better option than suicide.... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Have you considered a chemical peel for the acne? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Well, Mom used to always say: "Every pot has a lid." Your lid is out there somewhere but I fear you will never find her until you change your negative attitude about your life in general and learn to be happy in your own skin. I suggest that instead of spending your money on an hours worth with a hooker, you invest it in personal therapy or in a life coach or even in (gasp) pick up artistry so that you hone your confidence enough to get out of your own head in, as I've said, such a negative, self-worth reducing dialogue. Time to work on the attitude (waits for excuses from you why you can't do that O.o) you get back what you put out and you're not putting out any "come and be with me" vibes at the moment... you're not going to find the "lid" to your "pot" till you love yourself more. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 adding: One of the most popular guys in my high school had acne scars to the nth degree but that never stopped him from getting the girls. He was confident, he took dance lessons so he won them over that way as well and he was only 5'7" tall. He moved with rhythm and was THE easiest guy to follow I've every danced with. He made the girls look good on the dance floor so needless to say, he never lacked female attention. ... Just sayin. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Have you considered a chemical peel for the acne? I was wondering this too. There may also be products you can use -- not make-up, but creams and such, which can help with scarring. There may also be other cosmetic procedures you can have to at least reduce the appearance of scarring. I think you should talk to a doctor about EVERY possible option. As far as chemical castration is concerned...I'm guessing you've read up on it, but...I'm not sure any legitimate doctor would do that to someone, except in the case of repeat, severe sex offenders (these are the only cases I've ever heard of in which people actually had it done, and it was basically a last-ditch effort to prevent recidivism). You can't change your height, you can't change your mixed-race status (which seems to be a problem where you live, but probably wouldn't be if you moved somewhere a bit more diverse), but you CAN work on how you see yourself. Counseling can help a lot, as well as a visit to a qualified doctor who can perhaps prescribe medications (if deemed helpful) AND give you some potential referrals to people who specialize in skin issues. As for the escorts, I think it's a great idea that you gave up on this, for all the reasons you mentioned, and more. Also: I doubt you're as unattractive as you think you are. Nobody EVER is as "ugly" as they believe themselves to be. We can't be objective about ourselves, usually, and we magnify all of our "imperfections" to epic proportions. You may suffer from something called body dysmorphic disorder, which causes a person to focus an indordinate amount of energy picking apart some aspect(s) of his/her appearance, to the point of obsession, even sometimes to the point of not leaving the house. I can't be sure, but a qualified therapist can help you with that, because nothing anyone tells you here is going to make you see yourself more objectively. I hope you can find some help. No one should have to live like that! Link to comment
derPhilosoph Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 Have you considered a chemical peel for the acne? Yes that is one thing I have discussed with my Drs. After two more procedures in the next month or so, TCA peel(s), filler injections, and/or fat transfer, then a laser finish are all being considered. Basically, the only thing that is keeping me going this next year is the acne scar treatment plan... Link to comment
derPhilosoph Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 Well, Mom used to always say: "Every pot has a lid." Your lid is out there somewhere but I fear you will never find her until you change your negative attitude about your life in general and learn to be happy in your own skin. I suggest that instead of spending your money on an hours worth with a hooker, you invest it in personal therapy or in a life coach or even in (gasp) pick up artistry so that you hone your confidence enough to get out of your own head in, as I've said, such a negative, self-worth reducing dialogue. Time to work on the attitude (waits for excuses from you why you can't do that O.o) you get back what you put out and you're not putting out any "come and be with me" vibes at the moment... you're not going to find the "lid" to your "pot" till you love yourself more. Thanks for this reply. Actually my attitude has really improved the past 6 months or so as I have finally transitioned to a much improved diet in any effort to combat any new acne. It was so tough, but I finally made it to a gluten free and paleo diet/also minimal caffeine and sugar with only occasionally a cheat day every few months (for pizza, cake, etc. lol). I am active on a lot of forums concerning acne, scarring, treatments, etc. and try my best to give hope to the posters there - especially the younger ones who are struggling. The other thing I gave up about 6 months ago after using it as a crutch for so long was...... da.... bum.... tis........... ALCOHOL!!! Mainly because I am finally convinced that in some acne prone people, drinking it can lead to worse acne or prolong the healing period for skin.... I also am finding new hobby groups and activities through meetup.com.... As with some people, "life happened" to most of my old college friends so I rarely see them anymore these days (many of them are in different states too)... I try not to let the acne scars hold me back from life, but they and the high sex drive certainly make it difficult to focus on other things! I know I am not ready to date at the moment, but figured I'd make this thread to shed light on what I (and maybe others may be going through).... My attitude now cannot be better because I have nothing left to lose and can only gain things back if the surgeries are successful.... Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I used to have awful acne scars. Everyday for a few weeks, I washed my face with cleanser and rough Epsom salt. It did wonders for my face. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Yes that is one thing I have discussed with my Drs. After two more procedures in the next month or so, TCA peel(s), filler injections, and/or fat transfer, then a laser finish are all being considered. Basically, the only thing that is keeping me going this next year is the acne scar treatment plan... Stick with it. They can work wonders. I know that acne can be debilitating. I too, suggest that you seek counseling for your issues of low self esteem. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Thanks for this reply. Actually my attitude has really improved the past 6 months or so as I have finally transitioned to a much improved diet in any effort to combat any new acne. It was so tough, but I finally made it to a gluten free and paleo diet/also minimal caffeine and sugar with only occasionally a cheat day every few months (for pizza, cake, etc. lol). I am active on a lot of forums concerning acne, scarring, treatments, etc. and try my best to give hope to the posters there - especially the younger ones who are struggling. The other thing I gave up about 6 months ago after using it as a crutch for so long was...... da.... bum.... tis........... ALCOHOL!!! Mainly because I am finally convinced that in some acne prone people, drinking it can lead to worse acne or prolong the healing period for skin.... I also am finding new hobby groups and activities through meetup.com.... As with some people, "life happened" to most of my old college friends so I rarely see them anymore these days (many of them are in different states too)... I try not to let the acne scars hold me back from life, but they and the high sex drive certainly make it difficult to focus on other things! I know I am not ready to date at the moment, but figured I'd make this thread to shed light on what I (and maybe others may be going through).... My attitude now cannot be better because I have nothing left to lose and can only gain things back if the surgeries are successful.... Good to hear that you're doing things to help you get out of your own head. While you're waiting to get your procedures done, work on your confidence with the help of any of those three things suggested: Therapy/life coach/pick up artistry. I think that meet-up.com is a great way to get you out there meeting like minded singles so good on you for that. I think that your success with the ladies will come once you believe you have value and are open to receiving a partner. Cheers! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 How is the diet working with your skin? Have you seen a big change? Link to comment
lukeb Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I wonder if the really high sex drive isn't just a way to deal with other negative emotions as is the case with most other addictions. That if you channeled you energy into more productive areas, in your case especially physical things. This doesn't have to be competitive sports there are many things that you can do physically that need not be competitive such as skiing, hiking, swimming etc.. Volunteer, do things that are more fulfilling etc. Link to comment
Pixels Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 Honestly, your sex-drive doesn't sound worthy of treatment as extreme as chemical castration (IMO)... I would almost consider it a symptom, rather than a problem in itself... The fact that you feel an adequate outlet would change your situation tells me this... Like any other addictive behaviour, masturbation and sexual urges can become a coping mechanism... Have you tried getting treatment for anxiety/depression? The labels are very misleading, and they're very broad-spectrum 'conditions'. Good practitioners will recognize the symptoms on a spectrum of differences and respond accordingly. Medication typically reduces sex drive without complete inhibition... With treatment, compulsive sex-drive may be reduced as a result of decreased existing threat/pressure perceivance and coping responses, and therapy to cultivate new behaviours. You may very well have a higher than average sex drive, but that in itself isn't a bad thing... I think you have a complicated issue that's more pervasive than simple physical appearance, psychological health, and social conditions... I could bombard you with examples that prove you irrational, and you could bombard me with replies that prove me ignorant... The skin is definitely a key issue for you... Stick with the treatments, but don't get caught up feeling that you're in an impossible situation... Easier said than done... Link to comment
starlight89 Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 I agree about the anxiety and depression. Many people use masturbation as a coping mechanism for anxiety. I don't think the issue is your sex drive. And I am glad you have decided to stop using escorts. It is very high risk and many of those women are victims who do not do that by choice. Link to comment
derPhilosoph Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 I used to have awful acne scars. Everyday for a few weeks, I washed my face with cleanser and rough Epsom salt. It did wonders for my face. I am doing a similar everyday at home mask treatment using honey and fresh lemon juice to try to made red marks from old pimples fade faster. Link to comment
derPhilosoph Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 How is the diet working with your skin? Have you seen a big change? This is a good question, but I can't really answer it. The reason being is that around the same time I really clamped down on changing my diet (from a typical western junk food diet to a gluten free/paleo/no alcohol/low sugar/low caffeine one), I also started using a new daily skin care regimen that I researched on another site dealing specifically with acne. Thus due to confounding factors, I really cannot say if the diet has directly affected any new acne that I get. What I can say on a positive note however is that with the new diet I have a higher sense of overall well-being, more consistent energy levels throughout the day, and it is easier to maintain a decent weight. I think the improved diet may also make it easier to get quality sleep, but I can't be certain about this. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.