Please help! Should I take legal action?

[Beccy]

Hello!

 

For anyone who doesn't know what's been going on with me...you can read how my parents threw me out with no prior warning here showthread.php?t=508093

 

I'm struggling with school, finding a decent place to live, and two separate jobs. With school fees my small savings are dwindling fast, and I still haven't found a stable place to live. My parents don't want to give my stuff back, much of which was bought by me; I have very few articles of clothing, and I NEED my school and work shoes, which are very expensive. Thus far my teachers and bosses have been understanding, but they won't be so forever, and I can't lose either my job or my school.

 

In addition, I know that here in Mexico, I'd legally be entitled to a sort of "student support" from my father as I am still studying and under 21. I know that throwing me out just as he did is borderline illegal because he should still be paying for my basic needs (housing, food, medical expenses) even if he doesn't want me in his house, and if I take legal action, because women always have the upper hand in court cases here*, I would very likely win. I know he also has to give my things back.

 

That's my dilemma. I NEED my stuff back, especially my shoes, my violin, my bedsheets, my school supplies and books, and my clothing, ASAP... and will likely have to take legal action in order to get it back, since I've tried speaking to my parents and my mother just blocked me while my father told me to shut up and go away. I do plan to do this because I need my things and my prize line fish which I am sure they will eventually kill as they obviously don't care for any animals' lives. But as for the support,...I want nothing from my father. I am sick of the way he's treated my mom, my sisters and me, and I think he may have forced my mom to go along with all this. I want to prove to him that I don't need him and can get along without him, despite all his years railing at me to the contrary. At the same time, though, I know I can't sabotage my chances for a good education and a decent place to live, just because of some stupid pride. I'll list my reasons for and against wanting this "support".

 

FOR

• I need to stay in school, and even with barely enough sleep and two jobs can hardly make ends meet (I don't starve, but am also trying to save for my dream of studying uni in Europe)
  
• My boss knows I depend on my job and so she makes things harder for me, for example by ordering me to stay past my normal leaving time
  
• The friend I'm currently staying with is unstable; she just broke up with her bf, drinks a lot of beer and even though we both pay rent she wants to tell me what I can or can't do because she's six or so years older than me
  
• I want to rent a small room/place of my own where I can keep my dogs and am not risking a friendship over the whole arrangement
  
• The money would enable me to buy the books I need for school. My teachers have been very understanding, but I would like not to have to depend entirely on their goodwill
  
• My younger sister will end up getting thrown out when she is of age, as well. They say no, but I've seen it coming very clearly. She doesn't have a work ethic, really, and I don't want her thrust out into the world...maybe if they realize it's not that easy they'll reconsider
  

 

AGAINST

• I want nothing from my father, and I know he will find a way to make me feel guilty for accepting anything from him
  
• I want to prove to him and to myself that I am capable of moving forward without him, despite his always saying I was useless and wouldn't live five minutes on my own
  
• If I can find a better job using my English skills, I won't need it
  
• I don't want people to think I'm lazy or useless
  

 

Thoughts? Advice? I need to get my things back, but student support would be...ugh.

 

Thank you all very much in advance!

[melancholy123]

Can you get a legal consult for a half hour for free like you can do in many places? That way you'd know your rights and find out how to proceed to at least get your stuff back and hopefully some monetary support so you can continue school. If you go to your parents full of anger and demanding whatever, you won't get anywhere. Your back will be up and so will theirs. Establishing your legal rights is a good place to start.

[ParisPaulette]

You need to be asking a lawyer familiar with the laws of your country these questions. Go get a consult with one and take it from there. I feel for you.

[Snny]

My parents don't want to give my stuff back, much of which was bought by me

Do you have receipts for these things? Otherwise you don't have a strong case.

[Beccy]

I actually did go to my dad (ran into him), was very respectful although naturally not very glad to see him. I simply told him, "Mr. "Thingol", I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but I'm starting school in three days and I need my things, please. Can I just go over and pick some stuff up, and come back later as I can't carry everything right now?" He ignored me purposely until I followed him and repeated the question three times, and he just went off. "Hey "Lúthien", I told you not to come back here. Glad to see you're fine without me. I don't want you in this area. Get out, and no I'm not giving you anything if you're going to be demanding things."

 

So I got angry, even though I hid it. (I have more than half a suspicion he's also doing something to my mom and that is why she so readily agreed to throw me out). And, keeping my temper under control, I replied as calmly as I could, "I'm not demanding anything. I'm asking you nicely for my things, which are of no use to you and are of importance to me. I'm not asking for anything that isn't mine. And I will not leave. I work here." He said, "I told you you couldn't walk dogs here anymore." So I looked him square in the eye and said, "I'm sorry, but that is not your decision to make. I need my job and have permission to be here; I've taken over a year to build up my business, and, with all due respect, you can't take that away from me." So he turned away, saying "If you're going to be like this then we have nothing to talk about." He turned and left me standing in the middle of the street.

 

He won't give me back my things...things like half filled notebooks, study books, underwear, shoes, etc. which are of NO USE to him as they don't fit my sisters or my mom, and many of which I bought myself anyway. He knows I struggle for money, yet wants me to leave the more lucrative of my two jobs.

 

I do have some of the receipts. Some things were gifts from friends and mean a lot to me, plus they are irreplaceable (Romanian books are impossible to find here in Mexico, and since I needed more study material a Romanian friend mailed me four ancient but excellent novels in Romanian)...others are quite plainly mine, and many of the things I don't have a receipt for I can still prove are mine because all my neighbors know me well (I am their dog walker as well as their friend).

[bulletproof]

 

In addition, I know that here in Mexico, I'd legally be entitled to a sort of "student support" from my father as I am still studying and under 21. I know that throwing me out just as he did is borderline illegal because he should still be paying for my basic needs (housing, food, medical expenses) even if he doesn't want me in his house, and if I take legal action, because women always have the upper hand in court cases here*, I would very likely win. I know he also has to give my things back.

 

I think that you have to be clearer on what "borderline illegal" is. Is it legal or not?

 

My understanding would be that if you're no longer living with him, he is not obligated to support you or give back your stuff, especially if you can't prove you paid for it.

 

My thoughts are that you should forget about the following right now: living alone (way too expensive- find a roommate you can make it work with); studying abroad (you have your whole life to travel); teaching your father "a lesson" (in order for him to think twice about throwing your younger sister out). Focus instead on finding a stable living situation, replacing your lost items (try to buy used, for example), and finishing your schooling. And if you're struggling this much, consider switching to part-time schooling. Yes, it will take a bit longer, but you're very young, and it might lessen the financial/emotional burden on you to take it slower.

[Beccy]

Okay, if I weren't studying, then yes it would be legal. But I am studying and it doesn't matter that I'm 18, he is therefore legally obligated to continue to support me, and I could sue. But I don't really think I want to

 

Roommates are scarce--I've been looking like crazy, have found no one except men and I will NOT share with a strange man. I've found some relatively inexpensive rooms that already have Wi-Fi, water, electricity, gas, everything.

[abitbroken]

Would there be a way you could communicate your sister and she could place a few of your items in a certain place for you to pick up when dad is not home? Or meet you to at least get your few important things that you can't replace easily - put your work shoes, etc, in a bag and bring them to you somehow? I never advocate putting children in the middle but this is crazy. you can replace a lot of those things. Forget about the bedsheets. You can replace them. Ask the friend from Romania to send you more books. But maybe advocate for your school books so you can finish the semester or personal momentos like photos or a diary. Or any personal documentation (id, birth certificate, etc.)

 

I think that you should change your school track so that you can use the schooling to find a job more quickly - I don't know what you are studying but if its a lengthy degree - is there something you can role it into sooner where you can start work sooner, and then afford to go to school part time to finish your dream degree?

 

Yes, you need to put up with the bossy roommate until you find another situation. Or just put up with it. You can't afford to live alone. and DO NOT move in with a man. (and I mean the guy you are interested in or any love interest)

[abitbroken]

Okay, if I weren't studying, then yes it would be legal. But I am studying and it doesn't matter that I'm 18, he is therefore legally obligated to continue to support me, and I could sue. But I don't really think I want to

 

Roommates are scarce--I've been looking like crazy, have found no one except men and I will NOT share with a strange man. I've found some relatively inexpensive rooms that already have Wi-Fi, water, electricity, gas, everything.

 

In this country, many parents support their children in college. However, there is no obligation. Also, your father may not be obligated to pay if you are emancipated. I would not sue your father. I would just decide that you are on your own and must do it all yourself and anything he provides is a bonus/surprise.

[j.man]

I don't want to sound rude, but you gotta start using Google more. Google attorneys in your area. Google actual statutes. Google local advice hotlines. Call local police for advice if you trust them. The vast majority of North American posters here are Canadian or US and couldn't even give you amateur advice on this even if they wanted to. I also know that Mexico's states have different laws just those up here in the USA do.

[Beccy]

In this country, many parents support their children in college. However, there is no obligation. Also, your father may not be obligated to pay if you are emancipated. I would not sue your father. I would just decide that you are on your own and must do it all yourself and anything he provides is a bonus/surprise.

 

I spoke to a lawyer on this one, so yes, it's a law here.

 

I can't communicate with my sisters, they are both younger and my parents don't even let them out to the park so they won't see me.

 

I'm still in high school. Just one semester left to go, then I'll go on hiatus and work full time until I save enough to go to Europe. (Not negotiable, I've been fighting for this dream for years...and my grades are way above average, more than enough to apply for a scholarship.)

 

I do use Google. But Google is wildly inconsistent in its results when it comes to Mexican issues, ugh. And lawyers are expensive! I only got to talk to this one one time because he's also a personal friend of a friend.

 

And the police don't know squat about the laws...they saw when my parents threw me out and went to talk to them, and they pulled a blank face when their lawyer said they couldn't just throw me out like that.

 

I must add that I'm not completely alone, thank God! Many of the neighbors saw what happened and have helped me tremendously. I just feel so grateful to everyone.

 

I won't move in with any man...except this bossy roomie LIVES WITH A MALE FRIEND, and SHE is thinking of kicking me out so she can go live with him alone. Totally unfair, since we split rent, but whatever... This is a guy I don't know or like. I've seen him three times in my entire life. And he just doesn't give me a good feeling. TBH, I think I'd be MUCH better off to move in with, say, Beren, who is a guy I DO trust and like, were I to move in with any man. But no, I'll rent a little room or something and set up on my own if I can't find a roomie.

 

No one at school wants to be roomies with me. It's a high school, for Christ's sake...normal parents do not kick out their highschoolers, even in Mexico. So, yes, most of them live with their parents...even the odd 20-year-old still stuck in high school still lives with her parents and gets all her expenses paid. She's not even ALLOWED to work...

[melancholy123]

I was going to say get one of your sisters to bring you some stuff you need or hide it in a bag so you can go get it when your parents aren't home. But you say that won't work. Perhaps it's worth a try? At least get some clothing and school books. Can you apply for welfare?

[Beccy]

I don't need it...just to move my butt off and work like heck. I can do it, Beren did it and he's now doing much better...now HE is helping ME! I just want my things back, since I don't have money to buy all of it again...

 

Besides, I can't go to my house. My parents have made it very clear that if I return they will call the cops on me for trespassing. And if I go, then the residential area will no longer let me in and I will lose my business.

[abitbroken]

I don't need it...just to move my butt off and work like heck. I can do it, Beren did it and he's now doing much better...now HE is helping ME! I just want my things back, since I don't have money to buy all of it again...

 

Besides, I can't go to my house. My parents have made it very clear that if I return they will call the cops on me for trespassing. And if I go, then the residential area will no longer let me in and I will lose my business.

 

Don't become financially dependent on anyone. Help as far as advice, yes, but don't get into a situation where you feel you owe a man unless that man is your grandfather. I think if legally they have to support you, you go through an attorney to request your things back - but by the time you pay an attorney, that will eat up the money that it would have taken to rebuy things, right? Are their teachers or school counselors that will advocate for you?