I find it hard to trust my boyfriend

[waterlilly102]

My boyfriend lies to me a lot about things. He doesn't tolerate me cursing (the whole family is very religious and against swearing), but I found out he does it when I'm not around. His friend told me, and I've seen it in texts. He swears to me that he doesn't, that the text was stupid and a one time thing, and said his friend was just lying. I 100% don't believe him.

A couple months into dating him, I cursed and he got so unbelievably mad at me. He started pointing his finger at me saying don't do that, it's unladylike, only white trash girls do that, and raising his voice and wouldn't let it go. I'm not even one to have a dirty mouth, it just slipped out. He even started driving a bit recklessly since we were in the car. He was very angry.

So I stopped doing it around him, and he saw texts on my phone one day where I cussed to my friend and almost kicked me out of his house. He has threatened to kick me out of his house multiple times for that. But when we make up, he always says he was joking about kicking me out, even though he was completely serious at the time. It just upsets me so much that he gets so pissed off and doesn't allow me to do it, meanwhile he does behind my back. All of this makes it very very hard for me to trust him. I've even been finding out recently that he tells little white lies to me as well. Lies where he had no reason at all to lie, but did. Just petty lies that are really immature. I just don't understand what's wrong with him.

He also never lets me touch his phone, but he always wants to snoop through mine. The other day I saw him deleting a text conversation with someone like to try and hide it from me.

[indea08]

He's a complete a s s hole. Who the hell is he to tell you how you can or can't talk. You need a partner, not a parent.

[ThatwasThen]

Look: He doesn't want you swearing and it doesn't matter if he does it. He doesn't want YOU doing it so either you stop swearing in order to be with this double-standard making twit or you leave him so he can find a girl that will cow-tow to his way.

 

What is your choice?

[melancholy123]

Not only is he a liar, he's a major hypocrite. Why are you putting up with him?

[Hollyj]

He sounds like a control freak. He also sounds like he is emotionally abusive, too. It will escalate.

 

Why do you ALLOW him to check your phone?

 

I would not tolerate someone who lies. A relationship cannot last if there is no trust. BTW, a white lie is a lie.

[Hollyj]

"Boyfriend can't get over his previous relationship

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 6 months now and he has never gotten over his past relationship with his ex-girlfriend. I should have known something was off when he started talking about his past relationship on our first date, and was complaining about his ex. I let it slide and kind of forgot about it, but as we got closer and as time went on, he started acting different. He acted mean, disrespectful and getting so angry over the stupidest things that he just snaps. I love him because he doesnt act like this all the time, but when he does it's a big deal to me and makes me so heartbroken. I have recently had a long talk about his behavior with him but he's so stubborn. He seriously thinks he is always right about everything, but after explaning that I cannot be with someone like this, he agreed that he'd try to change. He said he used to be the nicest guy, and his ex-gf from 2 years ago made him this way. He cried when I told him I was leaving him, but decided to give him another chance because I do love him.

 

I don't understand why he has so much hatred built up in him. And he comes from a family with such strong ties to church. It's just weird that 2 years later he still blames a lot on his past relationship. Me and his ex girlfriend have known each other, but we were never friends. I guess she heard about the situation and she reached out to me saying that she understands how I feel and that she went through a lot of the same things. She says he has control issues and he needs help. I can't help but agree. I just don't know how I could possibly help. My bf broke up with her basically because he is a very jealous person and has to get his way. He then proceeded to wait a few months and get back in touch with his ex when she moved on and had a boyfriend and said that he wanted to get back together with her and only broke up with her because he wanted her to learn her lesson, and she denied him. He told me it was the other way around and I found out from his ex that he did actually reached out to her to get back together. That was his first relationship and he says that it scarred him."

This is the same jerk you were having issues with back in September. I see that his ex had the same problems.

 

What the hell are you sticking around for? You know he will not change.

[ParisPaulette]

So you can't trust the guy and he has a double standard on everything. You're just supposed to sit up on a shelf, be a total angel, and wait hand and foot on him? Jeez, you don't have a boyfriend, you have a master. Seriously, take the collar off, open your eyes, tell him where he can put his double standards and do it with as filthy language as possible, and ditch this turd.

 

And yes he's emotionally abusive and will likely escalate it to physical while underlining bogus passages in religious texts about why it's okay for a man to abuse a woman--something that I've seen so-called "religious" abusers do. (And yes I've seen female abusers do it as well and no it's still not okay. People sometimes hide behind a "holier than thou" façade to justify the bad things they know they're doing, but want to do anyways. Truly religious people show it with actions, not just empty words that belie what they're doing like this guy is.)

 

Puh-leaze, the lowest street thug is more religious than this guy is. What you describe is NOT someone adhering to anything but "How to get to the Eternal Place of Theological Punishment" in ten steps or less. And you, my dear, are well on the way to being in an abusive relationship. Time to climb off the train, tell your folks and family what's been going on, and tell him good riddance. And do it in public surruonded by your friends, so he doesn't think it's okay to leave a bruise or two or worse because a woman dared to stand up to him.

 

And I mean that. He has classic abuser of the beer guzzling, wife beating, "But I go to church on Sunday and ask forgiveness, so it's all okay" variety pasted all over himself. Get out now and never look back.

 

P.S. The only one that could help this guy is himself and he'd have to admit he's the problem instead of blaming people who no longer choose to put up with his abuse. I worked 16 years around such people. They never get help, because they don't believe they're broken even when they're sitting in prison for murdering a partner or child. The simple truth is this guy is broken and has been for a very long time and he's going to stay broken. All you can do is help yourself and you need to take a page from his ex-girlfriend's book and break up with him.

 

I mean, come one. An ex-girlfriend of his is so concerned for the current girlfriend she's actually pulled you aside to warn you and offer her help. That should have been when you bailed. She is trying to tell you to run and I'm telling you the same thing now, run. Fast. For the Exit. Do not look back.

[ssgirl1010]

Waterlilly - This sounds somewhat similar to my relationship. The lying, the mistrust, deleting text conversations + a whole bunch of other lies I discovered he was doing behind my back. With some of his lies, I didn't even understand why he lied. I went through this crap on & off for 15 years with my now ex-fiance.

 

My advice to you: end this relationship. It is not healthy. It will not get better. There is already mistrust. Easier said than done but do it for you, and so that you can have healthy & happy life, and a healthy, loving, respectful relationship with someone who deserves you.