Was my reaction acceptable?

[Menopaws]

Hello all..

 

Well. Ive been in a relationship for 10 months with my bf. He is my first serious one after my divorce 4 yrs ago. First man i can say with confidence i am deeply in love with. Now..onto the issue. I am a bit territorial..or a bit jealous depending on the situation but i am very expressive about it and communication is vital so i dont hold in anything. So me and my bf got on a fight because we were texting. And it goes like this: him. Do you want me to go with you?

Me. Yes that way we can grab some stuff we need. Him. You know im hard to resist.

Me. ??? Him. You cant do anything without me. Me. What does that have to do with anything we were talking about?

I got mad. Seems to me he meant that text for someone else. But he denies it. He spends all his time with me and we live together. But still..that doesnt mean hes not entertaining someone else. He says i have trust issues. I told him any sane woman that reads that would doubt too? Am i crazy or what?

[reinventmyself]

Hello all..

 

 

Am i crazy or what?

 

uhhmmm, yes.

And yes, you have trust issues.

I can't phantom how you come the conclusion he's cheating on you based on that ambiguous text.

Is that it? or can you add any to this to support your feelings?

[Seraphim]

Huh???

 

He was kidding with you.

[Menopaws]

I didnt make a huge deal about it. In fact i asked him if that text was meant for me cause it seemed odd. And he got mad of course. I told him i didnt wanna fight..but i did say it just seemed odd. He then blamed me of trust issues..which i feel i dont have much cause i never check his phone or ask him whos texting you this or that. It just felt odd. I did tell him i felt a bit jealous ..the thought of him possibly texting someone else..as irrational as it might seem..im a talker. I told him calmly and never yelled. I dont know why i thought he meant that for someone else! Which is why im here to make sure.

[janut1]

That didn't seem like a bad thing to say, he was teasing you. I would not have taken it that way and YES you have trust issue. Any sane person would not have read anything into that text except that it was pretty cute.

[reinventmyself]

I didnt make a huge deal about it. In fact i asked him if that text was meant for me cause it seemed odd. And he got mad of course. I told him i didnt wanna fight..but i did say it just seemed odd. He then blamed me of trust issues..which i feel i dont have much cause i never check his phone or ask him whos texting you this or that. It just felt odd. I did tell him i felt a bit jealous ..the thought of him possibly texting someone else..as irrational as it might seem..im a talker. I told him calmly and never yelled. I dont know why i thought he meant that for someone else! Which is why im here to make sure.

 

you originally said `you got mad' and now you say `it felt odd'

[Menopaws]

He did say he was teasing me. And i did tell him oh. Again i normally just tell him how i feel but now it seems hes mad. Which is understandable i guess. I just wanted to let him know that it felt off to me. Oh well... I will talk to him and admit my error on this subject. I appreciate your help.

[Menopaws]

I got mad and called my sister to complain about it lol. To him i try to play it cool. I have a bad habit or saying things i dont mean when mad. So calmly i told him his text felt odd. I even told him i wasnt arguing or anything.. I just felt his text didn't make sense with our convo. Left it at that..

[Tanzi]

I got mad and called my sister to complain about it lol. To him i try to play it cool. I have a bad habit or saying things i dont mean when mad. So calmly i told him his text felt odd. I even told him i wasnt arguing or anything.. I just felt his text didn't make sense with our convo. Left it at that..

 

I thought you were going to text him to "admit your error" (which I took to mean you were in some way going to apologise). Instead, it seems you took another shot at getting your point across which is just going to prolong or reignite the issue.

 

I think you need to stop getting mad ..... because it's making you react in ways you shouldn't and see things you needn't.

[Seraphim]

Not only that but when you complain to family members then they dislike him too. And dislike him based on zero evidence.

[Menopaws]

Understood. I will apologize but in person. My sister told me it seemed a bit off track from the convo but that i shouldnt see things that are not there. She helped me vent out my frustration. I went to her because shes in a relationship and i needrd her perspective.. I know i overreacted by thinking like that about him but its all because it just didnt seem to flow with what we were talking about. I am working on my flaws. I know my jealous tendencies is one i need to pay attention the most. I will talk to him in person.

[Menopaws]

I talked to my sister earlier. I am home now and waiting for him to cool off to apologize.

[mhowe]

I didnt make a huge deal about it. In fact i asked him if that text was meant for me cause it seemed odd. And he got mad of course. I told him i didnt wanna fight..but i did say it just seemed odd. He then blamed me of trust issues..which i feel i dont have much cause i never check his phone or ask him whos texting you this or that. It just felt odd. I did tell him i felt a bit jealous ..the thought of him possibly texting someone else..as irrational as it might seem..im a talker. I told him calmly and never yelled. I dont know why i thought he meant that for someone else! Which is why im here to make sure.

 

You shouldn't have made ANY deal of it...it's imaginary!

[Movingforward3]

Teasing through text and really any emotion can be hard. Sounds innocent to me

[dustyrain]

If he gives off no other reasons/signs to doubt him then sounds like Paranoia..do you have trust issues or are you insecure?

[Menopaws]

Maybe both. Ive been lied to before and i am a bit guarded i guess

[j.man]

i am very expressive about it and communication is vital so i dont hold in anything.

That is not communication. Dogs open their mouths and bark at the door the moment the mailman comes into view because their instinct is to be annoying in that moment. We humans have been granted the absolutely astounding privilege of getting to think before we speak. And what a gift it is.

 

I mean I totally understand SMS humor can leave a lot of room for ambiguity, but if that's genuinely what you got out of that interaction, it's because you've been looking for it and should probably look to address these trust issues before they cause more conflict.

 

Personally, I don't do jokes over text anymore as it's a bad idea in most if not all cases, but if I sent something like this to my girlfriend and she were to ask me if I meant it for someone else (re: "you know I'm hard to resist"), I'd be a bit spooked.

 

I'd also reconsider another source for objective feedback other than your sister. She doesn't seem like a straight shooter

[bikl13]

Did you get a divorce when you were 12 years old? You honestly sound like an oblivious teenager.

How could you possibly misinterpret his intentions?

 

He obviously asked with the intention of pulling that line off. Why can't you just play along? It doesn't seem odd at all. He just wants you?? Is it odd to you that you might actually turn him on?

 

Go apologize to your family member for creating drama, as well as an apology to your boyfriend for being silly.

 

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[Andrina]

You shouldn't be in a relationship if you're carrying emotional baggage from past relationships. My husband was cheated on by every serious partner he had in the past. He's never lacked trust in me. I'm not those women. If I say I'm having dinner with a girlfriend, he says, "Have a good time." You're going to drive him away with your negativity and unwarranted jealousy. If you are having trouble reading the tone and meaning of texts, don't text. Make a phone call.

 

I'm assuming you chose a man without red flags for cheating. Therefore, you've done your part, and now it's time to trust. Believe me, when someone cheats it'll slap you in the face without you having to pry. If that happens, you'll survive and move on. You'll up the risks of the relationship working out if you're the best partner you can be. Start reading some books and articles on improving your self-talk and curbing jealousy. Be the partner you'd like him to be. That's all the control you have. Let the rest go.

[catfeeder]

There are two forms of jealousy. First there's the legitimate kind that's provoked by a partner's suspicious behavior--in which case, I'd ask myself what I'm doing with someone who behaves suspiciously. Then there's the kind you carry around as a leftover from old wounds, which renders you lousy relationship material. That's the kind to consider working with a professional to fix in yourself, because if you don't, it will poison every relationship you try to have going forward.