Dating each other but leading separate lives

[MStowe]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks for reading my post - I'll try to keep it short.

 

I've been dating a guy for three months now, it was entirely unexpected but we recently had a talk where we are seeing each other exclusively and both enjoying time together. We get along well and feelings are definitely progressing between us.

 

However as things progress I want to know more about him and spend more time with him, get to know his friends etc. When we first started seeing each other it was very casual and we would wake up in the morning where he would quickly leave and hang with his friends. This behaviour still happens now and while we spend more time together, he keeps his friends relatively separate. For example, his friends wanted to go to the movies and his friend asked if I were coming and I never got an invite from him direct, and the same friend invited himself to dinner with my partner and I to spend time with us but this is not forthcoming from the guy I'm seeing.

 

Today also he had no plans and after checking in with all his friends and them being busy he asked what I was up to.

 

We're getting along really well and he spends time with my friends, and he's lovely and kind. But the above really bothers me and I'm unsure how to bring it up, or if I should just leave it to see if it happens naturally.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks all.

[missmarple]

How often do you see each other and is sex always involved?

[MStowe]

We see each other lots... At least four or five times a week and sex is not always involved. Gone on plenty of dates, sometimes just chilling at home with a movie. Definitely started out as a physical thing but its progressed a lot from there.

[missmarple]

Well, then, it seems like he just doesn't like you to be with his friends...maybe spending time alone with them is important to him. Why don't you ask him?

[j.man]

What does "relatively separate" mean? Do you never go out and see them? At just three months in, I wouldn't be making a note to drag my girlfriend out to every social excursion, especially if it's just guys. One bad thing about spending too much time together is that going out with friends can start to serve as an excuse to get some breathing room. I might scale it back a bit from 4 - 5 times a week, especially this early on.

[meoww]

Did you hit it off with his friend or was it awkward?

[Crank]

Yah thats not right. Even if he didn't think you wouldnt get along with them that isn't a good enough reason to never invite you. Theres something behind that i'm sure. Could be they are a bunch of pervs/players or something and doesn't want you involved but then how much of that rubs on him? Or maybe he just want to keep his social life and personal life separate. Even that, if your relationship is expected to keep getting more serious then that needs to change as well. Almost sounds like hes keeping you as a FWB. Just talk to him about why things are the way they are and what your not comfortable with.

[Sportster2005]

This one is easy. The way you determine what a person's priorities are to observe what they choose to spend their time on. Ergo, you are not a priority.

[j.man]

Still interested to know what "relatively" separate means before making any hard-line comments.

[Ms Darcy]

Why don't you talk to him about it and say you would like to spend time with his friends.

[itsallgrand]

Do you think you should be living intertwined lives at this point? ! Maybe I'm in the minority but I think you are over killing it with how much time spent together, especially considering you are trying to transition from casual sex to a relationship. Why not let him know you want to start meeting his friends. And also stop setting it up where he spends the night, has sex, then leaves in the morning instantly. I just think you are trying to skip steps to insta relationship and not everyone moves at that pace.