Liking someone because they like you?

[cranberry]

Liking someone because they like you, is that a sign of desperation or something? Especially if this person is not the type you usually are attracted to.

 

How can you be even sure that you really do like them?

[Roasted Carrots]

It's not a sign of desperation...it's flattering to find out that someone likes you, and it's natural to imagine if things would work out between you and this person.

 

The trick is to find out without leading this person on...or confusing yourself...

 

I'm in the same situation right now, kinda curious to see what other people have to say on this topic.

 

Basically I imagine what life would be like without this person. If I can shrug my shoulders and say "big loss" I know a relationship is not what I want. If I feel something (not guilt) then there's potentional...at least for a friendship.

[FuriousSam]

What if I were to tell you that I can make you fall in love with me or anyone else? No I am no crazy, I am onto something here. You know how you fall in love with someone? You think about that person all the time like he/she is the only one for you. Of course this is not real love, I call it obsession.

[Day_Walker]

It is possible to start liking a person over time, once you get to know them or even a circumstance like this. I cant say that its for everybody but I have seen it happen. If you think about it there is typically one person who has to start things off in the relationship and it could be said that the other person starts liking that person because the other person likes them.

[chai714]

Cranberry,

That is not at all a sign of desperation. In fact, what you have just learned is human nature. It's something called reciprocal affection - which simply means that we tend to like people more those who like us. This is part of the unconscious mind, which drives us to like the person more. It's probably a good idea to let him know that you like him too (but not blatently). You can show him in a number of ways, without telling him.

[Dre_7]

I've done it once, a girl liked me, and I decided to go out with her. She ended up dumping me too. I was somewhat desperate when I decided to give her a chance, plus I can be very shy lol. The girl wasn't my type physically and definitely not mentally. She had a laid back personality though. If someone liked me, and there was no reason that I shouldn't like them (i.e. I find them attractive, we get along etc.), then I'll give them a chance. As for me, I'd rather be liked genuinely, not just because I like the person means they should like me back. While it might hurt to not have my feelings reciprocated, that's a part of life that we all need to learn to deal with (Not that I have learnt just yet). Just like everyone doesn't necessarily want to be part of our social circle, not everyone would want to date us. In addition, there's something amazing about having two personailities and levels of attraction spark. My rule of thumb is that if you have to rationalize liking somebody, then maybe you don't really like them. Finally, keep in mind, for anything to work...interest must be mutual. If it's becomes mutual overtime, that's good as well. Just make sure you're being true to yourself, and don't do anything hastily especally when it comes to relationships. Hearts are very delicate.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

It's weird, mine is sort of a "reverse far-away crush".

 

I had a crush on this girl from afar, but never made any indication. Then I started to notice this one girl who was giving me hints that she found me attractive from afar, which I found very hard to believe. She was a cute girl, but she always had a mean look on her face so I never paid her attention... but the more she paid attention to me, the more and more I liked her. It happened again with another girl, same situation. it is definitely possible to like someone who likes you because it happened to me twice. Unfortunately, I was still in denail mode that these two girls could ever like me and I never got their names...

 

Oh, and while I was paying attention to those two, i forgot about the original girl of my affection, who i later found out may have liked me as well. But of course when you don't speak up you never know, but the clues she gave me were similar to the other two, and her friends gave off that vibe too. It stings that I lost all 3 of them without so much as getting their name. What a doofus I am.

[Amore]

I apologize beforehand if this post goes off on a tangent, I tend to do that

 

Last year I was very depressed, I guess you could say I suffered some form of social anxiety, since I felt that everyone was constantly judging me, and that no one liked me... I had a terrible fear of being in a large crowd of classmates with no one to go to.

 

Anyway, this one kid, who I'll call Joe, was familiar with me through a few of our classes. One day, before a big math midterm, every 9th grader was required to wait in the lobby of the school before the test was administered. I was panicking; I hated situations like that. However, Joe came up to me and just started talking. We became closer friends throughout the next few months, he always making me feel special. I became attracted to him; I loved the way he finally made me belong in the school, introducing me to his friends and helping me make some of my own. Needless to say, he finally asked me out, and we've been happily together for over 8 months.

 

I don't think liking him was an act of desperation, but I became attracted to the way he treated me as a friend. So to answer your question, I think liking someone who likes you will only happen if you are attracted to their personality as well. A relationship that exists only because one likes the attention that he or she is getting will not last very long.

 

Thanks for hearing me out

[Inconceivable]

my situation is a lot like this. There's a guy in my PE class that I like. Well, we never used to talk or look at each other or a whole lot. But on Monday we spent like the entire class together, and after school at practice he was running around the track and I was getting my team pictures taken and everytime he came near me he would always stare at me and smile. (I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I love that he's showing an interest in me!) But the bad thing is I can't tell if he really likes me or if he likes me because my friend decided to be funny and told him immediately after I told her that I thought I had a crush on him.

 

He pays more attention to me now, and he's making me think he's interested...Like, today he waited for me and we walked to lunch together...It was very odd, and it was something my ex used to do (And oddly enough, this boy and my ex are in the same class...I'm guessing it was my ex that put him up to waiting for me...)

 

So yeah, that's my situation and I'm overanalyzing it wayyyyyyy too much...But I have a tendency to do that =)

[SpoOnDiDdlY]

Good, so I'm NOT the only one with the major overanalyzation problem. It's helpful at times, but not when it comes to guys.

[Inconceivable]

Good, so I'm NOT the only one with the major overanalyzation problem. It's helpful at times, but not when it comes to guys.

 

HAHAHA you're definatley NOT the only one! My friend laughs at me because I pay wayyyyy too much attention to detail, and analyze every little thing! It's actually really funny...I try to catch myself doing it and stop. I haven't been doing too well with that

[peanut15]

I don't think its a sign of desperation. There is something about that person that you are intrigued about and thereforeeee like about them even if its not what you usually go for. There may be somehing about "your type" that may be missing that this person may have. Maybe you just haven't admitted to it or have actually figured it out.

[bull]

In fact, what you have just learned is human nature. It's something called reciprocal affection - which simply means that we tend to like people more those who like us. This is part of the unconscious mind, which drives us to like the person more.

 

^if this is true, then how come all of the girls that i know like guys that play hard to get?

[Inconceivable]

then how come all of the girls that i know like guys that play hard to get?

 

Because it's pretty fun to try and get a guy....If automatically he just says "Yeah, I like you too" then it isn't as fun sometimes....It's kind of like hunting.

You're looking for a deer to hunt and all of a sudden you see flashy neon sings that say "DEER OVER HERE" and "10 POINT BUCKS WAITING FOR YOU!" it kinda kills the fun of waiting for a deer and patiently going in for the kill.

 

Get what I'm saying? Heck, I'm not even sure I do....

[caramellabacix]

Good, so I'm NOT the only one with the major overanalyzation problem. It's helpful at times, but not when it comes to guys.

 

HAHAHA you're definatley NOT the only one! My friend laughs at me because I pay wayyyyy too much attention to detail, and analyze every little thing! It's actually really funny...I try to catch myself doing it and stop. I haven't been doing too well with that

 

OMG... i am the QUEEN of overanalyzing. every single thing a guy says and does i pay wayyyy too much attention to. It pisses even me off sometimes. Like if a guy i like doesn't look at me when he walks into class or something, I'll flip out thinking "Ughh that's a sure sign that he doesn't like me." Or if a guy says he'll call me at 8 but then waits until 9 I'll think "No! He forgot about me! He hates me!" I think I have OCD, lol. It's funny because I really do know better than that, so sometimes I just have to stop myself and force myself to think logically about it all. It's hard.

[DropToZero]

Yea I have this same problem I think...I don't know if I led this girl on or not b/c I wasn't sure if I really liked her...but I guess we'll just see how it goes

[lady00]

It's a trap that's easy to fall into but it's not a good idea if that's all that is attracting you...you should like them independently of whether they like you or not...trust your gut, i'll bet it is telling you how you feel, you just need to listen. good luck!

[Queen_Midas]

Hey,

 

I'm sure what I have to say has been said in the previous 4 pages of replies.. but anyway!!

 

1) Liking someone who likes you is human nature ( someone else did say that already).. but if u study attraction in Social Psychology you'll learn it's natural and happens all the time!!

 

2) I am in the same situation.. The whole reason I fell so hard for my current crush is because I thought he might like me.. and yes he's gorgeous too..lol!

 

QM

[Double J]

Like someone said before, if you have to rationalize whether you truly like the person who likes you or not, you probably don't "feel it" for him or her, at least not presently. Of course, that can built up over time. I had a friend in high school who liked me, and I had the utmost respect and admiration for her because she was a great person. But that attraction factor just wasn't present.

 

I think people are more inclined to try and reciprocate what another feels for him/her if the person has no other options to choose from.

[cranberry]

Wow. Thanks for all the responses guys!

 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of a particular guy when I wrote this question, but I have always wondered about it in general...And putting all 4 pages of advice together, now I have an answer, lol.

[SaSaRai]

What if I were to tell you that I can make you fall in love with me or anyone else? No I am no crazy, I am onto something here. You know how you fall in love with someone? You think about that person all the time like he/she is the only one for you. Of course this is not real love, I call it obsession.

 

 

hmmmmmmmm.......... can this happen with friends too? cuz i used to think i was gay, but i think i was just obsessed with some of my friends.