Moontiger Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 The most important thing you can do right now is start planning on how to make YOU look awesome to the court. Only communicate with your throw writ tins so there is always documentation, remain civil and reasonable. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 There are a lot of things in this you cannot control and since those things are causing you pain it makes it even worse. Acceptance over time will help but the right now is always the hard part. Alone time with an idle mind are your enemy at the moment. No matter how hard you try you will not be able to keep those thoughts out of your head. What I found that helped me was to call myself out. If I started thinking about all that kind of crap I would stop and ask myself "What good will come from thinking about this?" Every time the answer was NOTHING so I stopped. This is a hard thing to make it through but with help you can do it and stay sane and even become a better man on the other side. I know I did. Call up a brother or old friend you can spend time with. Don't sit around complaining about all the crap or what a you know what she is but talk about the old days, watch a game together something like that. Basically I want you to see that life is still moving forward even if yours is messed up right now. Keep working out, go for walks, stay in contact with friends and family and stay clear of her if at all possible. Focus on getting the divorce moving as fast as possible while she is vulnerable and willing to get it over with so she can start her new life. Also you never know if this guy might dump her and she will take it out on you so act fast!!! Keep posting Lost Link to comment
PH Suite Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Another suggestion, when you're ready go to memorable places or do memorable things you last did with her, but with someone else. Even a male friend, to exorcize those ghosts and reset the most recent memory of that place or activity. There'll be a lot of ghosts, everywhere you go and everywhere you look. Link to comment
Lester Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Also you never know if this guy might dump her and she will take it out on you so act fast!!! I think the likelihood of this happening to both of them is great. Once everyone knows and you begin to move on the thrill-factor is removed and they both start to see each other in the light of day. Link to comment
PH Suite Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Lester is right. It's one thing for the guy to have a worry-free side dish, but quite another to realize he's won the consolation prize of a lying cheat who suddenly has nothing but time to be with him. If he's ever going to gain some dignity and self-respect and dump her, it'd be ASAP. Same as you. Link to comment
Dplus3 Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 So...i got served my divorce papers via mail yesterday. We are still living under the same roof and that SUCKS. She is still happy with her douchebag "boyfriend"....it makes me mad that she is happy, lol. I saw her laugh at a text he sent to the "cheater phone" (the one he bought for her so activity wouldnt show on our bill) and it pissed me off. I HATE seeing her happy through this. Anyone else know what im talking about? Im not going to leave the house until we sell it, as crappy of a situation as it is, i need to be there for my 3 boys. I feel this is the right thing to do. I was holding on to hope for a while there, I can honestly say I gave it all i had to allow her to reconcile. I am getting over that, thankfully...so thankful to be having these different emotions. Not wanting her back anymore and realizing (as some of you stated) that she isnt the same person. How could i ever go back to a person who could do this? Someone who could hurt me this bad? The hope has been replaced by disgust and anger. Not any violent anger, just "f**k you, youre making the dumbest decision of your life" - type anger. I want this relationship she has to fail so miserably... Link to comment
TMifune Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 So...i got served my divorce papers via mail yesterday. We are still living under the same roof and that SUCKS. She is still happy with her douchebag "boyfriend"....it makes me mad that she is happy, lol. I saw her laugh at a text he sent to the "cheater phone" (the one he bought for her so activity wouldnt show on our bill) and it pissed me off. I HATE seeing her happy through this. Anyone else know what im talking about? Yes. It's an injustice. It seems out of balance. She cheated. She blew up the family and she get's to be happy? There's nothing you can do but accept that you really deserve better. Try not to let the injustice eat at you. It is my belief that this sense of injustice feeds the anger that drives people to do dangerous or violent things. Don't let that be you. You deserve better than that too. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 Can you negotiate any kind of settlement upfront so that she moves out prior to the divorce hearing? It can even be listed as temporary, dependent on the hearing results. Your home may end up being sold regardless, to pay for the splitting of assets. You can also see about paying her off to go away. Consult with an attorney about your options. It is good that you remain in your house and display patience in the face of evil. She may be so tired of the cohabitation that she will jump at whatever settlement offer you give to her so she can be with the idiot she chose. Link to comment
Dplus3 Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 Try not to let the injustice eat at you. It is my belief that this sense of injustice feeds the anger that drives people to do dangerous or violent things. Don't let that be you. You deserve better than that too. I agree. I wont let that happen. Link to comment
PH Suite Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 I want this relationship she has to fail so miserably... Rest assured it well. She's a lying, cheating piece of filth that's destroying a family to be with a male (I can't call him a man) who consorts with lying, cheating filth like her, and he's someone who can't land anyone better and is willing to sink to that level. There's no better application of the term "be careful what you wish for", for the both of them. You are the only winner in all of this. So too your sons. Congratulations!!! Link to comment
Dplus3 Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 Rest assured it well. I have a sinking feeling it wont only because they were together for 5 years before she left him for me 10 years ago.... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 How are the kids holding up? I feel bad for them. If possible, look into getting them into therapy. Link to comment
Dplus3 Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 How are the kids holding up? I feel bad for them. If possible, look into getting them into therapy. The kids are good, we haven't told them yet. I'm sure they suspect something fishy, but surprisingly, we are good together around them. Looking back, they were always what kept us together. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Yes I know how you feel with her seemingly smug happiness but it is hiding the real truth underneath. Trust me she will not have true happiness in the end. Stay on the high road no matter what buttons get pushed please. My ex sat and told me with a smirk on her face after I caught her that her bf was her soul mate, it was fate that they met and they were meant to be together blah blah blah. Well that was all a fantasy and she was ignoring reality at all costs. Less than 2 years later the fantasy had collapsed and she saw the loser he really was all along. This is just the start I am afraid so you need to brace yourself. This is a ride no one wants to be on... When her fantasy starts to crumble it will be your fault. When your boys don't want to be around her it will be your fault. When this guy gets tired of her she will turn her anger and pain towards you. Do you know why? Because this is what they do. They don't take responsibility for anything they do and it is always some else's fault for the unhappiness they feel deep inside. That is why they cheat and lie to try and prop up their happiness. Pretty sad really but the saddest part is the collateral damage of everyone around them. You got the papers and have only so many days to respond so get going on your response unless you are the one that filed. Do you have a lawyer or are you using a mediator I forget? Lost Link to comment
PH Suite Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Make sure to watch the documentary "Divorce Corp." as soon as possible. Everyone should. It could save you a LOT of money, and save you your kids if custody is an issue. Good luck. Link to comment
Dplus3 Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 You got the papers and have only so many days to respond so get going on your response unless you are the one that filed. Do you have a lawyer or are you using a mediator I forget? Lost I agree, I'll get the papers signed and returned asap. We are going through a paralegal with all things split 50/50 - custody, profit from the sale of the house, etc.. At least she is being reasonable there. Link to comment
Lester Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I agree, I'll get the papers signed and returned asap. We are going through a paralegal with all things split 50/50 - custody, profit from the sale of the house, etc.. At least she is being reasonable there. That's good but don't let your guard down. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Read those papers line by line! If you need to, run 'em past a divorce attorney without her around--even if you are not using an attorney. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Keep it moving along while she is all in love with this other guy and happy. Worst case scenario is them breaking up in the middle of the divorce! Read it carefully and get that thing signed! Lost Link to comment
youareworthy Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Dear Dplus3, If you are checking on ENA, how are things going for you? Youareworthy Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 I hope you got those papers signed! Link to comment
Dplus3 Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Things are moving along...selling the house soon and the court documents state we will split the profit 50/50. Still stuck under the same roof with her until we sell. Link to comment
Dplus3 Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 I hope you got those papers signed! Yes indeed! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 14, 2016 Share Posted January 14, 2016 That is good news for sure. I don't want you waiting till she is gone before you start healing and getting your life back. In fact having her around can be great motivation to keep you moving in the right direction. I endured it for 3-4 months and it was not fun but I survived and even learned a few things along the way. Lost Link to comment
Dplus3 Posted January 15, 2016 Author Share Posted January 15, 2016 That is good news for sure. I don't want you waiting till she is gone before you start healing and getting your life back. In fact having her around can be great motivation to keep you moving in the right direction. I endured it for 3-4 months and it was not fun but I survived and even learned a few things along the way. Lost I agree, I don't want to wait to mentally move on. It just gets confusing because she isn't being a b**** and the boys don't know yet. It's like we are just acting... Can you elaborate a bit on your comments of having her around as motivation and what you learned? Link to comment
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