Am i a bad person.

[Wetash]

So my boyfriend had a past about which I knew about completely, because he really liked her and has always spoken to me about wanting to get back with her. Like I knew every single stage and also that they were talking to each other very regularly and that he considered her as his bestfriend, and could never be without talking to her often.

but suddenly things changed, and both of us genuinely started liking each other.

Initially I was very scared about his past, as I knew too much and he had told me when he was drunk that he ll leave anyone for her..

I was very frank about this to him and told him I was scared before saying a yes to him. he told me ' that was long time ago'. I left it.

He drinks a lot and one day he came drunk,but told he wasnt drunk. I told him you are lying to me, i need to be able to trust especially now when I have some issues in my head. I asked him again about his ex, and he said they will be talking .. they have common friends and stuff. I wasnt satisfied.I wasnt expecting him to say he will stop talking to her. But I just needed him to tell i neednt worry about it. I kept asking him questions, he kept getting irritated. i asked him u told me once that if ur ex calls u back, u ll leave whoever is with u and go at any point of time in your life.. he said she wont ask me . again i asked him, if she does, then what.. then he said he wont.

I kept feeling that I had to make him talk and convince me, which should have come from himself.. i was still disturbed i asked for his phone and saw their messages to just make sure that they werent in the phase where he was making her jealous or that getting over a break up phase for him... i trusted him a lot, but knew how immature he is and just wanted to make sure he wasnt doing anything stupid or I wasnt getting inbetween them... that very morning, he deleted her msgs and gave his phone to me when I was going to tell him that i saw his phone and honestly i didnt like what i saw. she had said something about missing him and stuff... and I got so pissed he had to delete the msgs.

I can say I neednt have looked at his phone, but I was genuinely worried about the way he spoke and him lying to me for the first time and I knew that talking to him wont help me as I will be the one asking questions, and he will never by himself try to make anything better for me.....

If he had done the same thing to me, I would have sat down and told him calmly not to be worried. and i will take him looking at my phone in a good way, because that will only show to me that his feeling for me has actually changed from being a friend to something else. The change happened really fast for either of us to comprehend.

[Hollyj]

Good grief! Wake up!

 

He cares about her, not you.

 

Time do do better for yourself!

[Wetash]

But am I a bad person for looking at his phone? I was genuinely worried. And i agree that if I had a doubt after moving deep into the relationship, i ll never forgive myself for even thinkjng about her. But in the beginnih i was confused and sick worried and scared.

[Capricorn3]

But am I a bad person for looking at his phone?

If it feels like you have done something wrong, then you have done something wrong. Guilty conscious. Basically it's an invasion of privacy - but I think you know that.

[Wetash]

True that. But given the circumstances , what is the answer.

[mhowe]

Considering that yesterday's thread covered the exact same ground....yes, you are guilty of invading his privacy. Bad....very bad.

[Clinton]

Sinner. Crawl back to the fetid cave from which thee sprang

[Wetash]

Was that supposed to be a joke

[bulletproof]

He drinks a lot and one day he came drunk,but told he wasnt drunk.

 

You might not be a bad person (although looking in someone's phone is pretty much wrong, in my opinion), but you are definitely in a bad relationship. Why are you dating someone who drinks too much? Why are you dating someone you don't trust?

[annie24]

You might not be a bad person (although looking in someone's phone is pretty much wrong, in my opinion), but you are definitely in a bad relationship. Why are you dating someone who drinks too much? Why are you dating someone you don't trust?

 

I saw that too - strike 1, drinker, strike 2, he's possibly still in love with his ex, strike 3, you don't trust him. bye!!!

[ParisPaulette]

I already answered you on this previously. You aren't a bad person or an uncool one, you're a blind one--again. And him drinking? Run for the hills and never look back.

 

Why such a fixation on making yourself the bad guy in all of this? You do know someone who respects themselves would have said, "I'm out of here" a loooong time ago on this guy. Like when he's falling down and drunk and lying about it. And the whole ex thing. Did he tell you they were "best friends" when you first started dating or did that come later after you'd busted him.

 

One thing I will tell you though, the moment you have to snoop the relationship is over. If you can't trust them, right or wrong, this is the wrong relationship for you to be in.

 

P.S. You aren't the one being "bad" here, but you are the one who keeps refusing to look at what the rest of the world can see plainly. He can't be trusted and has done exactly zero to ever earn that trust and in fact has pretty much shown you repeatedly he can't be trusted. What else do you need?