Is Confidence a NON-FACTOR for Online Dating?

[Dougie_D]

Everyone knows the saying "you just need confidence", bla, bla, bla...

 

But can someone tell me how men show confidence through online dating sites?

 

Also.. Side question for both men and women -- does MATCH percentage matter? Let's say you get a message from someone who's over a 85% match, but you aren't really attractive to them for some reason. Do you totally dismiss them? Also, do you message people based on match percentile?

 

I've messaged women where we are over 95% match! And for some odd reason, I get no reply back! That's a bit discouraging sometimes.

[DoF]

Problem is, it enables you to show it thru text, which is false. And prevents YOU from "practicing".

 

And when face to face comes, she will know the reality and it will be a huge turn off.

 

Practice practice practice, as with anything, more you do it, better you will get. If you ignore it and NOT do it, you will never get ANYWHERE.

 

I just tell people to forget about online dating and approach ladies in person. GET REJECTED!!! This is important, get used to it so that it becomes the norm (to you). And in time, your confidence will build and you will simply have 0 fear of rejection.

 

That's the key

[Clinton]

Confidence is always a factor. Could be the way you write.

 

And physical attraction is a big deal. Not everyone goes by looks but a large percentage do. So if they don't like your picture the rest won't matter.

 

Lastly, online dating is a crap shoot. It's the supermarket of dating. Tons of choices, so some people always think that the next one might be better.

 

Hang in, all it takes is one.

[bulletproof]

 

But can someone tell me how men show confidence through online dating sites?

 

does MATCH percentage matter?

 

You show confidence by having a well-written profile and clear, well-done photos. You can certainly look confident in a photo (pose, expression, clothing, etc.). You can sound confident in the words you choose (as opposed to an overly self-deprecating, poorly written profile).

 

Have you asked any friends to evaluate your profile?

 

I think match percentage matters to some degree, but if the profile itself is not good, than that would likely override the match percentage.

[Dottieflanogon]

One thing to keep in mind is that girls get TONS of messages on dating websites. Girls are far more selective about who they respond to. So you have to make sure that your message is interesting and something a girl could easily respond to. Don't make it too long because she doesn't want to read a book. But don't just say "What's up?", "Hey", or "How are you?" because those are boring and I refuse to respond to someone who won't put any effort into the conversation. Make the message personal to her likes and interests, try to make the message fun and exciting, not like you're giving a lecture. Show your personality as best as you can through these messages. Maybe what you write down isn't the problem, sometimes they may just not be attracted to you. It's really hard to find someone on dating websites, I find people are even more picky,even when you do have suitors. It's never worked for me.Good luck

[FlashEng1]

Everyone knows the saying "you just need confidence", bla, bla, bla...

 

But can someone tell me how men show confidence through online dating sites?

 

Also.. Side question for both men and women -- does MATCH percentage matter? Let's say you get a message from someone who's over a 85% match, but you aren't really attractive to them for some reason. Do you totally dismiss them? Also, do you message people based on match percentile?

 

I've messaged women where we are over 95% match! And for some odd reason, I get no reply back! That's a bit discouraging sometimes.

 

A huge side point to make and remember is what DoF said... The "after"math. However, to answer directly

 

- When I was naive, percentages mattered. Now, I almost equate it the level of her wearing attractive clothing or not: Sure the sexier/higher the number the better, but 1% won't make me click "next" any more than a 99% will have me interested in her. It offers very little weight.

 

Now targeting confidence... I will confidently answer my understandings and assertions in the women that I am attracted to, and are attracted to me.. Can I be wrong? Absolutely. Am I referring to all women? Of course not. Am I categorizing/generalizing a specific group of women? You bet I am. Why? Because it is THAT specific group of women that interests ME, and I wish to persue. And this is a big factor first off.. to focus only onto the group or type in which you attract and attracts you, and then attracting, not chasing. (Do read this reference with regard to my specific point of chasing v attracting.) As well, I am speaking on my experience as a web developer, seo, and social media specialist in my career. In other words, some things I got paid to understand more of, like how to get someone to click a banner or profile picture, or what entices a user to begin with...

 

Pictures

The bread and butter of your profile. Why would you possibly want to hire a photographer (for example)? Simple:

- Their business is in visually selling you, the product. They know professionally how to stand and place you to have you look good when doing something. Why am I referring to professionals? Well, sometimes it's more than just getting a picture of you playing football to show "action." The IDEA works, sure, but maybe not for you. Both personally and physically.

 

- Wear flattering clothes that FIT YOU.. WELL.. Pay to have a professional tailor look at your body size and tell you EXACTLY the measurements and style of clothing you should be wearing. There's power behind walking out of a place of business looking your best and turning heads accordingly... THIS is reflected in your activities as well when you begin to unwind for certain activites, or even ramp up to prepare for an adventure in other activities. THIS gets portrayed in your pictures when taken right. Are your pictures doing their absolute best in portraying who you are and what you enjoy doing? Or are they simply average or sub-par? Or worse, are they confusing enough to have someone click it in interest, but go through your others and close out simply because they weren't "sold" on everything? Be willing to invest in yourself --that's what you're really doing!... If you do not understand or see the importance in taking the time necessary to increase every possible outlet that you can to help you ultimately find "THE ONE!" (this IS your end game after all, right?); then expect such lack of caring or understanding to be shown throughout. To better understand where you currently are in that "spectrum," simply have a panel of friends (personal), friends (online/remote/aquaintance), and strangers (online or off) look at and review your profile... Even if it's a quick glance! Get an understanding of how the outside world perceives you.

 

Profile

The women I am into reflects through my profile. I don't spend my time writing sonnets or deep literary "articles" in my profile...

This is a bit of a fine line to play because you REALLY need to understand who is going off of your profile to begin with. Be willing to change it up and evaluate, re-evaluate, and do again differently... This is always the case in social media/advertisement. You will have your dry months and crazy months.

 

Play with short, witty profiles. As well as medium length meaningful profiles. Find different ways to re-explain something... You think you made your point clear already? Okay great, delete it and find yet another way to write it out.. You must be willing to change and adapt simply because improvement is something you strive for daily... let it reflect in your profile by you doing this.

 

However, keep it intriguing enough to have something to discuss in your messages! Spend the most of your time working on images. We're visually driven beings. Stand out enough to get more profile views and attention. Spend money on certain sites "boosting" your page every blue moon. Continue testing.. Playing...

 

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Note* - Playing... This is all a game. Learn from it. Just as you want to take this serious when finding a meaningful relationship; Strip away the power it has by making this a game! Shrug off what doesn't work, adapt, and take another shot. Believe it or not, you want to leave the feelings behind! As crazy as it is... Don't "get into your feelings" until you're into an actual date, and actually communicating with another human being face-to-face, otherwise if a bunch of letters and words online interest you, I can develop an app that can pretend to be a person with pictures and everything that can message you and give you the warm fuzzy feelings you get when you start chatting it up with a 95%er. There are too many reasons why someone did or didn't reply, the most comforting being, your message will be one of Dozens (capital "D"!!). Curious? Hangout with a female friend, and have her open her OKC, POF or Match profile and show you how many messages she has, and how fast they come...... GEEZE if we could monitize off of that some how..

[Dcgent]

I met my now wife on match, I also had some previous girlfriends I met on match as well as numerous dates. It depends on who you are trying to attract. Are you going out of your league? Just because match says you are a perfect match, doesn't mean so. So don't go off of percentages. Typically people look at photos first....it is the attraction visually first for just about everyone. Then the content inside. Write a fun, innovative profile. A generic profile isn't going to get you far. Be honest. If you don't work out 5 days a week, don't say you do. Ultimately, it is confidence through actual interactions that mean the most. Send an e-mail with 3-4 questions max to start a dialogue. You are fishing for connections/similarities. And don't be afraid to take a break from Match sometimes. it can be exhausting. Confidence throughout...through photos, profile content, dialogue and those first few meetings.

[reinventmyself]

NO. . . . . It is a factor

[Dougie_D]

Problem is, it enables you to show it thru text, which is false. And prevents YOU from "practicing".

 

And when face to face comes, she will know the reality and it will be a huge turn off.

 

Practice practice practice, as with anything, more you do it, better you will get. If you ignore it and NOT do it, you will never get ANYWHERE.

 

I just tell people to forget about online dating and approach ladies in person. GET REJECTED!!! This is important, get used to it so that it becomes the norm (to you). And in time, your confidence will build and you will simply have 0 fear of rejection.

 

That's the key

 

I do approach ladies in person. That's not a problem. And too be honest, I might get rejected because there are 50 other men who are messaging her online.

 

I don't know one person in the past 2 years who have gone on out on date that wasn't through ONLINE.

[Dougie_D]

You show confidence by having a well-written profile and clear, well-done photos. You can certainly look confident in a photo (pose, expression, clothing, etc.). You can sound confident in the words you choose (as opposed to an overly self-deprecating, poorly written profile).

 

Have you asked any friends to evaluate your profile?

 

I think match percentage matters to some degree, but if the profile itself is not good, than that would likely override the match percentage.

 

Yes, even had asked few people from ENA to critique it. I felt like I fixed some problems.

[Dougie_D]

Confidence is always a factor. Could be the way you write.

 

And physical attraction is a big deal. Not everyone goes by looks but a large percentage do. So if they don't like your picture the rest won't matter.

 

Lastly, online dating is a crap shoot. It's the supermarket of dating. Tons of choices, so some people always think that the next one might be better.

 

Hang in, all it takes is one.

 

That's so true. It's annoying for men who are "just average". The guys who are benefiting are the douchebags of the world. Seriously.. my roommate in on a PAID site. On the first date, she goes over to his house and he goes "downtown". The second date, he FLAKED on her! But calls and apologize to get a 2nd date. She literally said "he's just too damn hot to pass up"... and she talks and talks about how she wants a relationship. That's not gonna happen with this guy.

 

It's not what it's inside the box, it's if the box is shinny, best cardboard material, etc... and all these boxes are FREE!

[Fudgie]

Unless you decide to pursue women who are also just average, if you feel that you are just average, then go for them. Not everyone is a bombshell, not everyone is a genuis, not everyone makes a lot of money. Like attracts like, I say.

[WRB89]

I'm far from any expert, but I've spent a lot of time on online dating sites and here's what I have learned.

 

-Don't take it seriously, because I'd say 90% of the women on there don't, and just do it for the laughs.

-It's nothing more than a "who can take the best selfie" competition.

-The women that do take the site seriously are generally desperate and take it a bit TOO seriously.

 

Now this isn't saying that no one can find love on these sites. There are some genuine people on these sites also, but they are few and far between and a lot less likely to occur than the commercials and ads make you believe.

[Batya33]

I looked for a sense of reasonable confidence during the phone call -his voice tone/inflection, what he asked me, how he talked about himself/his family/friends, etc.

 

Looks mattered of course since looks are part of chemistry and attraction for me. I met several men who looked like male models and felt no chemistry and met several men who were not conventionally attractive and felt a spark or more.

[John John]

Online dating is mostly based on looks and numbers (salary, age, height, etc.). Confidence plays somewhat of a factor in the initial communication leading up to the first date (emailing, texting, etc.)...but confidence can hardly be observed via email/text (it can to a degree, but not completely).

 

This is one of the reasons I always call and leave a nice voicemail after a girl first gives me her number...it's one of the few ways to demonstrate confidence early on (and many girls have flat out told me they appreciated this).

 

But if we are talking just the profiles...yeah, you can create a 'persona' with words, but make no mistake...if you don't look good, don't make enough money, aren't tall or fit enough... (to the person reading your profile) - it likely won't matter what you say.

 

There are people who buck this routine, but let's face it, no man or woman has ever approached someone thinking "man, he/she has a hot personality!"