Very little communication between dates. Is he just not that interested?

[missy1114]

I've been on 5 dates with a 24 yo guy I met online so far. He's been taking me out on dinner dates and never insisted that I go to his place. We've been seeing each other once a week. In between our dates, he would go for 3-4 days without talking to me. Then he'd text me towards the end of the week and ask if I want to hang out again. When I tried initiating convos via text with him, he would respond but wouldn't make effort to keep the conversation going. He said he doesn't like talking on the phone so we've only texted each other so far. When he does ask me out, he usually doesn't have a specific plan, he just asks me what I want to do a lot of times. He's amazing in person and we've kissed at the end of each date. I was thinking of asking him if he'd like to start seeing each other more often or communicate more regularly between dates but I don't want to come across as needy. I just want to get a sense of how he feels things are going. At the beginning, he did say that he isn't looking for a relationship but he's open to the opportunity if the right girl comes along. Do you think he's just not that interested in me?

[dias]

He told you, he's open to the opportunity if the right girl comes along. Give it time and see if you get along . No need to rush .

[reinventmyself]

Between him saying he wasn't looking for a relationship and his lack luster efforts I would say he's not that into you.

At least not at the moment.

I personally wouldn't ask him for any more than he's already giving, but rather get busy with my own life and continue to see him.

But you need to lower your expectations of this guy. He may step up but I sense from what you say, it's not likely.

I would assume 5 dates means 5 weeks? He should know by now if this is something he wants to pursue or not.

He seems pretty comfortable with things dialed way down. He isn't magically going to transform into an attentive, proactive, communicative guy.

Most importantly you need to ask yourself, given what you've seen, does this fit your needs?

Consider this his best behavior and adjust your expectations accordingly.

[j.man]

That's just how grown ups tend to date.

 

If you're craving for more, ask him out once during the week, too. I wouldn't ask to communicate more, though. If it goes much longer without developing much further than the weekend dinner, then I think it'd be pretty safe to say you're simply filling his boredom.

 

When I date, I don't communicate between dates. It takes time for me to include a woman in my day-to-day, even through text/calling. I call/text to set up a date and that's it.

[Sportster2005]

I've been on 5 dates with a 24 yo guy I met online so far. He's been taking me out on dinner dates and never insisted that I go to his place. We've been seeing each other once a week. In between our dates, he would go for 3-4 days without talking to me. Then he'd text me towards the end of the week and ask if I want to hang out again. When I tried initiating convos via text with him, he would respond but wouldn't make effort to keep the conversation going. He said he doesn't like talking on the phone so we've only texted each other so far. When he does ask me out, he usually doesn't have a specific plan, he just asks me what I want to do a lot of times. He's amazing in person and we've kissed at the end of each date. I was thinking of asking him if he'd like to start seeing each other more often or communicate more regularly between dates but I don't want to come across as needy. I just want to get a sense of how he feels things are going. At the beginning, he did say that he isn't looking for a relationship but he's open to the opportunity if the right girl comes along. Do you think he's just not that interested in me?

 

Hard to say.

 

People have different communication styles. Some want to text all the day long. And some use it infrequent. It makes it harder to gauge interest when someone communicates very little, because it can appear like non-interest. He continues to ask you out. That's more telling than texting. If the way he communicates bothers you, he just may be a poor match. Don't try to change people.

[Helpexpressme]

He dosn't want you to get close to him, so he holds up his guard against you.

 

No calling, no going to his house, no real getting to know you.

 

I'd go on one more date, and if it's just the same I'd ditch him. You want someone who wants to start getting to know you.

[itsallgrand]

He said he isn't looking for a relationship. Do you want a relationship with someone? If you do, I'd drop this.

 

I wouldn't be worried about the level of communication if everything else was clear. But when someone tells you early, hey I'm not looking for a relationship, different story. Take him at his word.

[notalady]

He said he isn't looking for a relationship. Do you want a relationship with someone? If you do, I'd drop this.

 

I wouldn't be worried about the level of communication if everything else was clear. But when someone tells you early, hey I'm not looking for a relationship, different story. Take him at his word.

 

Yep agree with this.

 

Not looking for a relationship but open to it with "the right person" is just a nicer sounding version of "not looking for a relationship" designed to hook women in (ie if you stay around long enough, that right person might be you...or it might not).

 

I'd not bother with this one.

[missmarple]

After 5 dates without any communication in between and his initial comment that he's not looking for a relationship (no matter what he said after that), I would stop seeing this guy. It sounds like he's looking for a FWB.