Not sure what to believe

[noninstinctive]

Hi there thanks for reading, I really appreciate any outsider views I can get on this because friends and family aren't exactly happening. So what's bothering me is that arriving home after a wedding over the weekend, drunk and sick my boyfriend tells me about an encounter with a girl initiating him to meet up with him in the bathroom. All seems harmless he's telling me while he's drunk what's the big deal he said no and came home with me. (We do live together). Now the day after we're telling the new married couple about the incident seeing as this girl was a bridesmaid. They were confused and claimed she is not a girl like that. Our friends investigated and came back to tell me that the girl is now saying it was in fact my boyfriend who initiated her.

 

So here's the facts and both of their stories. Can someone please help me out here? I know analyzing at every angle won't help but I don't know what to do here.

 

The night of the wedding was fine, even with both of us feeling a little too good he didn't forget about me and he was my date the whole night. Until I went outside after I come out of the bathroom to this girl leaning onto my boyfriend, I went to walk over when some other girl starts telling me she hates me because of my body . Instead I turned 180° to go outside to calm down.

 

Now he followed me instantly knowing that something bothered me. We both went to go back inside when my heel broke. Night was over then. I left my jacket inside and my wallet so he headed back in to grab it and to say goodbye. All within 10 minutes. And apparently that is when the questioning went down.

 

His story is that he can't remember why he sat back down at the table but then she was nudging him, she asked him if he wanted to meet up in the bathroom he said no then she supposedly just shrugged and he took my wallet and coat and left.

 

Now her story. Is that he came up to her sat down, was making funny faces at her. She says she missed him. He says how much. Would you want to meet me in the bathroom later? She says that she said no I wouldn't do that to your girlfriend and I'm not like that. And then changed the topic to ask how him and I were. He says good I guess. Asked her if she was sure. And she says she went to talk to someone else.

 

Now what doesn't add up to me is that either he proposed it to her at a different time like when I may have been in the bathroom perhaps. And he's deceiving me very well.

 

Or she's lying to cover up her reputation, because if it happened when my boyfriend said, he was simply going to get my coat and wallet and there would have been no 'later' opportunity available. Unless like I said he proposed it earlier. When I was believing I was his date.

 

On our relationship. For the most part it's pretty great. Our sex is great were both always left satisfied. Our attraction for each other and passion hasn't faded. We're great friends, can discuss our days and confide in each other. I can never actually see him ditching me to go get laid. He was very intoxicated which is what this girl is using to her advantage. Or what he is using to his advantage to make is seem like he perceived what he believes happened. Which is that she asked him.

 

 

Finding out these details a day or two after the wedding I took some time to think. I told him the information I had received and he didn't know what to say. He went far enough to email this girl and ask her to tell the truth and she reciprocated with, "I did tell the truth you should have thought about that before". I left for over a day, probably should have taken more time. But his crying wouldn't stop when he thought I was leaving him. And I was very upset too just not wanting to break it off but also not knowing what to believe and not wanting to be with someone who would behave like that. I went home last night but at work again the morning and I can't shake the thoughts or feelings.

 

But I don't know this girl I do know my boyfriend.

 

But our friends know this girl and claim she's not like that but my boyfriend has a past of being known for such behavior. This girl is an old friend of his and knows this as well. They've never had sexual contact before so it's also not like she was an old buddy where it was common behaviour.

 

We've been dating for over a year now and living together for a year, he's never showed signs of cheating or any affairs. Just once I stumbled upon cyber cheating (pof and book) calling girls beautiful and such but he never met up with any and supposedly never had an affair or cheated. We moved past that he understood how it made me feel and the consequences to his actions and we haven't had a problem like that since.

 

Now this is a whole new issue that we've never faced. I want so much to believe he's innocent. I want so much to believe that he wouldn't betray me like that. But something about this whole thing bothers me and doesn't sit right.

 

I know he didn't actually cheat, but for me it's a respect factor. And if one of them had said yes despite who asked it was intentions to cheat.

 

There's the littlest hint in my gut saying that if he was drunk enough maybe he forgot about me? I've never been that drunk while dating someone so i don't know...

 

 

One last confession when he went to go back in I said can you please avoid that girl and he said oh give me a break don't you know me better than that? .... I thought I did know him better than that.

 

I messaged this girl also to ask when this all happened and she says about 20 minutes before we left so it was either when I was in the bathroom or when he went back inside. She's also upset that 4 years of friendship is ruined by alcohol and no filters seeing as he emailed her and when she said no I told the truth he told her she single handedly ed up his life. And blocked and deleted her. So why would she lie to such extents?

 

Now even saying I've come to terms with the fact that it was him who initiated it. I don't know how to handle that. Obviously no one can tell me what to do. But I don't even know where to start. Part of me wants to break it off so I don't have to worry about that ever again. The other part wants to work on it and the final part wants to just break down in hurt and betrayal.

 

He's saying he sees it that way and that's I think how he wants to see it. Because he'd know he'd lose me. But I really don't know.

 

If anyone got through this whole message thank you and please reply.

[bulletproof]

 

 

…my boyfriend has a past of being known for such behavior.

 

 

We've been dating for over a year now and living together for a year, he's never showed signs of cheating or any affairs. Just once I stumbled upon cyber cheating (pof and book) calling girls beautiful and such but he never met up with any and supposedly never had an affair or cheated.

 

So he has a past in which he's known for this type of behavior, and he's gone online to hit on women.

He may be telling the truth about the wedding incident.

Or he may have been telling you his version out of fear that she was going to say something.

My guess is the latter, since this woman really has absolutely no reason to lie.

At this point, though, there is absolutely no way to find out what actually happened. So your choice is either to trust him or to end it.

[DoF]

What were the consequences exactly for his prior acts "on the internet"? You do realize around these ways we call his actions "emotional cheating" correct? Look into that......Have you been monitoring his activity after that?

 

Here is what I would do, let this whole thing blow over....and in a week or 2, heck maybe even 3, when things are cool/all is well, ask him to see his phone. Also ask for his email/facebook/other crap login/passwords.

 

Watch his reaction closely, that will tell you everything you need to know. If he hands it over right away, all cool and calm, you are good (still go thru it if you want).

 

if you get anger, offensiveness, defensiveness, hesitation.....WATCH OUT.

 

Whatever you do, make sure he hands the phone over right there and then, not later (later = he will clear out everything you need to see).

 

He should have NOTHING to hide and hand it over and let you see it. Especially if he has really learned from the past events.

 

If he does not hand it over, it's safe to assume that

a) he is probably lying about current situation

b) he has been up to no good again, on the internet and is most likely emotionally cheating AGAIN.

 

At that point, it will be time for you to re evaluate this relationship. I would end it.

 

If he hands it over, take a peak but chances are high he's been behaving. Look around and verify he has been behaving, and give him credit and reward him if he has!

[j.man]

It really is that simple. You trust him or you don't. For me, personally, life is too short to be having to voluntarily be with someone you have to think about this crap with.

[Heather Dawn]

…my boyfriend has a past of being known for such behavior.

 

Interesting - because, according to the mutual friends, the girl does NOT have a past known for such behavior.

 

 

We've been dating for over a year now and living together for a year, he's never showed signs of cheating or any affairs. Just once I stumbled upon cyber cheating (pof and book) calling girls beautiful and such but he never met up with any and supposedly never had an affair or cheated.

 

 

That's cheating in my book.

 

Two strikes against him. I believe the girl 100%. Sorry.

[JustWishing]

Well, it is hard to tell which story is the truth. It could also be that this girl likes him and wants you to leave and once you are gone makes moves on him. That would be enough reason for her to lie. I am just throwing that in, because most posters say that she didn't have a reason to lie, but If the above is the case she has a reason to lie.

 

Anyways, fact is....nothing happened after all, no matter who initiated what. In the end...he went home with you! In the end... he loves you! And whatever decision you make... keep that in mind

[sargon]

A girl just randomly walked up to you and said "I hate you because of your body".

 

That's odd.

[Heather Dawn]

A girl just randomly walked up to you and said "I hate you because of your body".

 

That's odd.

 

OP's way of letting us know she has a nice body...LOL.

[melancholy123]

The truth is probably somewhere in the middle and you just aren't ever going to know what it is. You can drive yourself crazy analyzing it and interrogating him and her or you can give him the benefit of the doubt and let it go.

[catfeeder]

Was she the same girl that was hanging on him in the hallway?