I'm trying to move forward.

[OneRainyDay]

It's so hard for me to move on without her. I went traveling to attempt to clear my mind from my ex-girlfriend. A buddy and I flew to visit a friend who recently moved away. It was a nice trip and I had a great time, but it didn't help me to the extent that I thought it would. Traveling gets me anxious at times which makes me miss her. Now that I'm back at home I am continuing to have nightmares of her and wake up sad. I miss her. I remember that I'm doing things right by not contacting her since she moved away, granted the circumstance of our falling out, but I was lying to myself when I told myself that I am moving forward. I miss her so much and it saddens me that my attempts to travel, exercise, be healthy, etc. aren't helping me the way I thought it always would. I remember how she hurt me which temporarily helps, but I keep having back and forth feelings of anger, sadness, worthlessness, and anxiety. It is really starting to impact my life and my relationships with those around me. I'm becoming very hard on myself.

[DoF]

Do a search on my User Name and look up "Mind Diversion"

 

You need stop thinking about her. And when thoughts of her come up, divert them to something else.......and be consistent/practice.

 

What you do physically is irrelevant (trip), as long as you keep sabotaging yourself with allowing thoughts of her to flourish in your mind, it won't make a difference.

 

We have no control of the thoughts that come to our mind, but we CAN control what we do with those thoughts. Currently you are doing a bad job at that!

[ThatwasThen]

You might also consider reading the book "The Five Stages of Grief." Its primarily written to help those going through the pain of losing a loved one to death but we all go through that same pain when someone who we have become "addicted" to having in our life is no longer in it, no matter why they aren't.

 

Reading it and understanding might help you to overcome quicker. It will certainly help you to be less "hard on yourself" once you know that what you're feeling is quite normal.

 

Consciously make an effort to change the subject of her (when she pops into your mind) to something else. No more wallowing in reverie of her.

 

Feel better soon.

[SooSad33]

I know it's hard.... and all emotions/feelings/memories are not going to fade in a week. This all takes time.

Your emotions will be like a roller coaster for a while and it comes in 'waves'. It's not too bad for a bit, then increases again.

 

I, too had anxiety & dreams continously for a few months.

 

"but I keep having back and forth feelings of anger, sadness, worthlessness, and anxiety"

- this is normal, as it's a part of the 'grieving' process as you work on accepting and healing from the loss.

 

 

Yes, it can help us along to keep reminding ourselves of the pains/hurt we experienced with them.. to work on convincing ourselves how wrong they are for us..

If you find it's going on for too long and really getting to you, you can talk to your doctor about something to help you thru the anxiety.

[kathy679]

How long have u both broken up?

Going travelling can be fun but it can also isolate u when u are at a low point. I did this when I was young and I found it hard because all of the people who cared about me and could of supported me where hundreds of miles away . It will slowly get easier with time. Each day gets slowly easier .

[OneRainyDay]

How long have u both broken up?

Going travelling can be fun but it can also isolate u when u are at a low point. I did this when I was young and I found it hard because all of the people who cared about me and could of supported me where hundreds of miles away . It will slowly get easier with time. Each day gets slowly easier .

 

I broke up with her in June. We spent about six weeks relapsing before we both moved away. Then we spent a few weeks talking but I had to break off contact to not be her security blanket in late August. I've heard from her twice since, both attempts to contact me were vey rough.

[Astrogirl]

It doesn't feel like it but you are moving forward. One day you'll wake up and know you're free of any emotional pain.

[Person1001]

I know exactly how you feel, I just recently broke it off w/my 1st bf, 1st love and the 1st man I've opened up to. Over time you will feel better, I have been trying to distract myself, working more hours, working out and hanging out w/friends isn't distracting me too well. At 1st it has been painful going out to movies w/out him, I even started crying during a movie (the movie was really violent to top everything off). You will heal and feel better.

[TMifune]

Healing happens sorta like weight loss. Wait for it.

 

When you live with someone or see them every day and you're losing weight, they really don't notice it. It happens slowly over time and they see every little incremental step. They see you on Tuesday and think..."that's what he looks like" and then see you on Wednesday and think the same, even though a very incremental change has taken place. Then, just when you're about to get upset that they haven't noticed your efforts, they look up at you and say "Hey, you've lost some weight, haven't you."

 

Same thing. Each day you check yourself and think "Dammit, why am I still not healed"......But one day you'll check yourself and realize something that really would have set you off a few months ago, really didn't effect you much. And then you'll repeat the whole thing again.

 

Just don't expect to notice a constant rise. it's more like a set of steps than a ramp.

[OneRainyDay]

The setbacks are having total control on how I feel. Reading books, practicing new tricks works temporarily, but the memories and nightmares keep returning. I really am trying, I just want this to stop.

[kathy679]

It doesn't just happen over night. It's a gradual thing. It takes a long time. Months and months .... hang in there you will be happy again one day just takes a good while