creaw Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 I screwed up. Can I get some help on how to extract myself from the situation? I'm a 23-year-old dude, my girlfriend is 21, the other girl is 20. I've been dating a girl for a little over a year now. She's really cute and I do like her - however she moved for an internship, we've been long distance for the last 2 months, and we only manage to see one another every other weekend or so. Things are good but it's lonely not having her around and the lack of sex (due to us not being near each other) is tough. Last night I was out drinking with some new friends of mine from a club I joined a month ago. A girl that I've never spoken to from the club came with us, and we talked for a good chunk of the night. It started off harmless but she got bolder as she drank more, and made it pretty, no, extremely obvious that she was into me. She told me how cute she thought I was (although not straight out), how inexperienced with guys she was, and how I seemed like one of the only nice guys out there, etc etc. I didn't really resist and flirted back, played some old arcade games with her, had shots, gave her a piggyback ride, that kind of stuff. We exchanged numbers, and the night ended without anything happening between us (despite the insistence of her older friend). Before I left I sat with a few of the guys and they told me that I can do what I want, just weigh the pros and the cons, but that I should know that she was a virgin and would probably fall for me if I slept with her. I never planned on cheating, so I didn't - it just feels nice to flirt when you're lonely, I guess. As cute as she is I'm not willing to risk my relationship over her. I mean, I'd love to have a threesome with her and my gf, but I doubt the logistics would work out. I need to find out how to break it to her that I have a girlfriend without making things really awkward at the club; ideally we'd still be friends, because she's honestly a pretty fun girl. Can anybody tell me how I can do that? I feel like it shouldn't be tough, but I don't want to screw this up. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 What part of your brain thinks your gf and this virgin would have a threesome with you? To your question...you have her number. Text the following: Had a great time flirting at the club. Somehow I forgot to mention I have a girlfriend and am a thoughtless cad. Hope you won't be too mad. Clearly you can do better. Make sure to send the same text to your girlfriend. Link to comment
creaw Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 My girlfriend has been talking about having a threesome for a while - she's interested in girls and thinks that a threesome would be a good way to experiment. She has specific tastes in the women she likes - this girl fit her tastes (shorter than her, slender, a dancer). The hopeful part of my brain, I suppose. I'll let my gf know about my up, although I won't we quite so brusque about it. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Most virgins, though not all, prefer their first time to have the full attention of their partner. Not to be used as a plaything between bored partners. Link to comment
creaw Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 As I said, I don't think it would work out. I'm not pursuing a threesome. I just need to break it to this girl that I have a girlfriend and am not available that way, though I'd like to remain a friend because she's a genuinely interesting gal. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Oh that poor dear silly virgin for thinking she'll find any serious relationship in a nightclub. And poor dear silly you for telling yourself she would go for a threesome. Come on, man. It's hard enough to lose your virginity as it is, but with two partners???? And stop trying to lie to yourself and say you want this other girl as a "friend." Everyone else would just say, "Oh well, we'll never see each other again and if we do I'll just tell her I'm taken now, wave and move on." It's what guys and gals do who were lonely or had a few drinks etc. and then flirt with somebody do when they have no thoughts in the back of their heads about "Maybe I could play this one against that one." OR you look her dead in the eye and say, "My girlfriend and I are looking for a threesome partner, interested?" Sure she'll probably run screaming from you, but it solves a myriad of problems for both of you. I say go the direct route. Otherwise the old tried and true, "Look, I have a girlfriend okay, I was drunk" will work. I've had it used on me a few times and I'm still breathing and I appreciated that an F of a lot more than finding out he had a girlfriend AFTER I'd invested time and my heart into the guy. Seriously, stop it with the self-deception and the deception. That's how people get hurt. If you can't handle being long distance then don't. Break up with your girlfriend and go date other woman. And yeah, the virgin will want a relationship with you and I swear you are the world's worst candidate for that. Girlfriend and you hope for a threesome plus virgin equals no, just no. At least find someone with some more experience or have your girlfriend pick out the woman if that's what you all want. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 My girlfriend has been talking about having a threesome for a while - she's interested in girls and thinks that a threesome would be a good way to experiment. She has specific tastes in the women she likes - this girl fit her tastes (shorter than her, slender, a dancer). The hopeful part of my brain, I suppose. I'll let my gf know about my up, although I won't we quite so brusque about it. Just tell both women that you were interviewing for the threesome, and after some introspection...virgin girl,is not an appropriate candidate. No harm, no foul. Link to comment
creaw Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 I know it would be tough for her, which is why I threw that option out as a fruitless hope - as much as she seems like my girlfriend's type, I don't think she'd be ready for it. Maybe friend isn't the right term. Basically, I practice a martial art 7 times a week, and she's a part of that club and a sparring partner. Moving on and never seeing one another isn't possible as long as we both are a part of that group. I may have to go with the "look, I have a girlfriend, I was drunk" approach - it'll be painful but she deserves at least that much. I don't want to break her heart. As a side note, I thought she knew about my girlfriend at the beginning of the night - I've mentioned her a few times during our club classes. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Hard as this may be to hear, your utterances in club classes may not have been so newsworthy that she committed them to memory. Link to comment
creaw Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Hard as this may be to hear, your utterances in club classes may not have been so newsworthy that she committed them to memory. I'd assumed that members of my club knew I had a girlfriend because I'd mentioned her a few times; is it so crazy that I'd think a girl, who is evidently interested in me, would have made note of it? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Well, crazy seems a stretch but egotistical fits! You may also have mentioned what kind of car you drive....unless you saw people taking notes, I think the details of your life may have slipped through the crack. In the interest of fairness...she was drunk. Alcohol impairs memory function. Link to comment
sargon Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 My girlfriend has been talking about having a threesome for a while - she's interested in girls and thinks that a threesome would be a good way to experiment. She has specific tastes in the women she likes - this girl fit her tastes (shorter than her, slender, a dancer). The hopeful part of my brain, I suppose. I'll let my gf know about my up, although I won't we quite so brusque about it. You'd have to get this new girl to fall in love with your first, then you could probably get her to do whatever you want if you threaten her with dumping her if she doesn't comply. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Just be straight u, - I'm sorry about the other night, I have a girlfriend. And stop playing thought games about threesomes. I assure you, if you go to your girlfriend about this girl you were flirting with and who is part of your club life, she will brain you. Link to comment
creaw Posted October 17, 2015 Author Share Posted October 17, 2015 Just be straight u, - I'm sorry about the other night, I have a girlfriend. And stop playing thought games about threesomes. I assure you, if you go to your girlfriend about this girl you were flirting with and who is part of your club life, she will brain you. That's what I plan to do. Can you recommend the best way to go about telling her? I won't see her until Monday, and I feel like spending two days without acting to fix the situation will just make things worse. That leaves sending her a text or a phone call. A text would allow me to word it as gently as possible, but would be impersonal; a call would be more personal, but if she gets upset over the phone she'll be even more uncomfortable. What do you think is the best way to let her know? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Face to face so you have to deal with her reaction. Link to comment
greta96 Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Since nothing happened between you two, meaning, not even a kiss, I don't see why a text/phone call/whatever would be necessary at this point. Just don't text her at all, and if she does and starts escalating things, or asking you out on a date, or telling you how much she likes you, then you tell her "aw, I'm flattered, I think you're an awesome person, but I am in a relationship so I have to decline". I don't see the big deal? Besides, you didn't approach her, she approached and started flirting with you on her own will. Yes the best thing to do would have been to tell her you have a girlfriend right then and there, but it's still not too late, and you don't have to make a production out of revealing the truth. Link to comment
Snny Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 As cute as she is I'm not willing to risk my relationship over her. It's a little late to say this now that you have given her "piggybacks" and exchanged phone numbers. need to find out how to break it to her that I have a girlfriend without making things really awkward at the club You man the hell up and tell her. You went too far, realized the mistake you did, but are currently on a relationship. OR you break up with your girlfriend. Part of a ting like an adult is realizing that in certain social situations, you can't have your cake and eat it too. I mean, I'd love to have a threesome with her and my gf, but I doubt the logistics would work out. You don't sound like you want a committed relationship and are contradicting yourself here. You should break it off. Also, threesomes/orgies tend to destroy serious relationships ideally we'd still be friends, because she's honestly a pretty fun girl. Nope, sorry that line has already been crossed to go to this kind of relationship. You have ZERO intentions on befriending her. A true friend doesn't stay friends with someone if they want to sleep together. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 The girl likely assumes you are not together with the girlfriend any longer if you were flirting. Or maybe she just doesn't care and is the type to poach other women's men so to speak, which does not speak well of her. I'd opt for simply treating her business as usual when you see her in your classes. Don't pal around with her, don't be chummy, just a "hiya" then moving on to talk to other people. If she brings it up then you say, "Well, I have a girlfriend, sorry." She might just be embarrassed too. "Oh gosh, he has a girlfriend, what was I thinking????" You may actually be the one to be snubbed, no telling. Just go to class and act natural. Lots of people are flirtier and chummier when they're drunk, so it may well be she'll chalk it up to that. Keep your distance, don't be going out to clubs and getting so soused you end up doing things you regret in the future. It's pretty much all I can tell you to do at this point. Link to comment
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