What do I do?

[piggy_oink]

I probably know what you're all gonna say but here goes...

So a few months ago I saw my bf of 3 yrs messaging a girl which I wouldnt normally mind but he was doing it next to me in bed when he thought I was asleep and blew up when I questioned it.

 

Then a few weeks later he said he was seeing his mother while

I was away and to cut a long story short, I was suspicious and discovered he was actually with the girl he was messaging and they had gone out for a meal and drinks and then back to her hotel for 'more drinks' (bearing in mind this was after a few different versions he had given me).

 

I was distraught and he said all the usual that he was sorry, that nothing happened but because it was the girl he was messaging that he didn't want me to get the wrong idea etc. I forgave him.

 

So a few months passed and during that time I was anxious and upset 24/7 as I suppose I just found it hard to trust him, so those few months were hell. I still felt his behaviour was shady and he didn't do much to put my mind at ease - or anything really to make it up to me. So, I went away with work and ended up having a one night stand and I know I was drunk but I also kind of thought ' F you'. So totally not healthy I know but that's how I felt. He found out.

 

Since then he has mentioned it but tbh hasn't seemed too bothered other than the fact that it is ammo against me. I have tried to talk to him about it but he doesn't want to and says we should just move on. Things have been ok with us lately but I still feel anxious when I'm not with him which I feel is really beginning to affect my mental health. Everytime I try and talk about our relationship, he says it's 'not a good time'.

 

I know this sounds like an open and shut case but I love him to bits and can't bear the thought of losing him, even though I know how pathetic that sounds. So, is there any way to work Through this?

[dave_1966]

Book a 'relate' councelling session, if he won't do it, walk.

[milkyway]

sorry I don't understand, he found out your ons and he forgave you? or you 2 are still in the process of seeing if he can forgive you?

[piggy_oink]

Well that's just it, he mentioned it before he had to leave for work, we talked about it briefly and then he txt me and told me not to worry 'I'm sure we can move on' and he hadn't mentioned it since

[Missed]

Well for starters 2 wrongs don't make a right. Book counselling for you both. You can't live like that..

[Tayla92]

Sounds as though the reason he didn't make a big fuss of it and blow up on you is because he had a one night stand with that girl, or maybe it's still even going on.

 

And as mentioned above, 2 wrongs don't make a right..

 

I don't know why you'd want to settle for a relationship like this??

[SooSad33]

"So a few months passed and during that time I was anxious and upset 24/7 as I suppose I just found it hard to trust him, so those few months were hell. I still felt his behaviour was shady and he didn't do much to put my mind at ease - or anything really to make it up to me. So, I went away with work and ended up having a one night stand and I know I was drunk but I also kind of thought ' F you'. So totally not healthy I know but that's how I felt. He found out."

- I really don't know IF you two will be able to work things out again to a full ability to 'trust'. The damage might be done.

 

To act out like this didn't make any of this right

[piggy_oink]

Yeah I know that, I know it was the wrong thing to do. I just felt so crappy and unwanted, i thought it would make me feel better, which obviously it didn't!

 

I think the counselling idea would be good except, he would absolutely never go. I can't even persuade him to discuss the relationship with ME, never mind somebody else.