Jealous of my brother

[Hoagy]

I've got a brother. He's four years older than me. He used to bully me when we were children and, although we've never been best friends (never been out for a drink together), we generally get along well now.

 

He lives in another town so we only get to see him once or twice a year. He has a good job, a big house, a wife and two children. I, on the other hand, have no job (which causes me a great deal of stress and depression), a crummy flat, no kids and no girlfriend.

 

I'm not saying I would definitely trade places with him. His wife is unpleasant, his job is long hours and stressful and he doesn't seem to have any friends or social life - his world just revolves around work and family and nothing else - and I'm sure that gets him down him sometimes. But at least he has a wife and a family and a house.

 

It's not as if he's smarter than me. I know our IQs are close and I'm sure I can work just as hard as him when I'm given the chance. He's just always been the luckier one. As children, he got the new toys, new bikes and new clothes while I got his hand-me-downs. He was lucky to know what he wanted to be when he left school, he was lucky to get on the housing market when houses were still affordable and he was lucky that he has never been made redundant. He's been in continous employment, going from one job to the next, for the last twenty-five years while I've been made redundant several times through no fault of my own.

 

Don't get me wrong - he's worked damned hard as well. I don't hate or resent him but I wouldn't be human if I wasn't just a bit jealous, right? It would be easier for me to be happy for him if I only had a fifth of what he's got. I know I'll never get it all but that's okay - that's just the way life goes. But I'm feeling worse today because I just heard he got a promotion at work. Once again he gets the good news and I never get the chances.

 

And it wouldn't be a bad thing if he phoned our mum more often.

[DoF]

I've got a brother. He's four years older than me. He used to bully me when we were children and, although we've never been best friends (never been out for a drink together), we generally get along well now.

 

What brother doesn't bully their younger brother? hehe

 

My brother did it, heck he also physically abused me. Which I thought was pretty normal as well hehe

 

He lives in another town so we only get to see him once or twice a year. He has a good job, a big house, a wife and two children. I, on the other hand, have no job (which causes me a great deal of stress and depression), a crummy flat, no kids and no girlfriend.

 

I'm not saying I would definitely trade places with him. His wife is unpleasant, his job is long hours and stressful and he doesn't seem to have any friends or social life - his world just revolves around work and family and nothing else - and I'm sure that gets him down him sometimes. But at least he has a wife and a family and a house.

 

It's not as if he's smarter than me. I know our IQs are close and I'm sure I can work just as hard as him when I'm given the chance. He's just always been the luckier one. As children, he got the new toys, new bikes and new clothes while I got his hand-me-downs. He was lucky to know what he wanted to be when he left school, he was lucky to get on the housing market when houses were still affordable and he was lucky that he has never been made redundant. He's been in continous employment, going from one job to the next, for the last twenty-five years while I've been made redundant several times through no fault of my own.

 

Don't get me wrong - he's worked damned hard as well. I don't hate or resent him but I wouldn't be human if I wasn't just a bit jealous, right? It would be easier for me to be happy for him if I only had a fifth of what he's got. I know I'll never get it all but that's okay - that's just the way life goes. But I'm feeling worse today because I just heard he got a promotion at work. Once again he gets the good news and I never get the chances.

 

And it wouldn't be a bad thing if he phoned our mum more often.

 

Don't worry about him, worry about yourself.

 

What have YOU don't for your life? Education? You need to focus on yourself and take steps in order to be successful.

 

Also what do you want OUT of life? Do you want to be in a long term relationship? Do you want kids.

 

All of this comes with maturity. You need to figure YOURSELF out. DO NOT look at other people's life and mirror it, that would be doing it wrong.

 

If you are happy as is, then there is no problem. If you want a better job/more money, get some education.

 

WORK ON YOURSELF is the best advice I can give you. And figure out what you really want (which is not easy).

 

PS. Jealousy is normal, don't worry about it.

[rosephase]

Comparison is the thief of joy.

 

Try focusing on your own life. Look at what you have, what you can feel grateful for and what you would like to change. There will always be someone who has more of something you want.

[melancholy123]

I am female and my brother is 10 yrs older than me and he's got a PhD in psychology and had a great career and retired early. He made buckets of money during his working years. He used to beat the crap out of me when I was a kid because he was bigger and older and stronger. I never really liked him as he was never nice to me. I used to try to forge a decent relationship with him but it never worked. I guess I was just the pesky little sister.

 

Fast forward to adult-hood. We still dont get along well and likely never will. I dont envy him his success or money at all. Good for him, he worked hard for it. I dont have anywhere near as much money as he does but I have a really good life and a farm and husband and kids and one little granddaughter. He is divorced now and lives in a big city with a fair bit of crime! In the end I think I "won" even tho there was never really a battle of any sort. He does his thing, I do mine.

 

I think living well is the best revenge if one needs revenge.

 

Sibling rivalry and jealousy is normal, just dont let it get in the way with the rest of your life. Your bro may look like he's got it made but you dont live his life and dont live in his house. Be thankful for what you do have and work your life so that it's how you want it to be. The grass isn't always greener!

[j.man]

You'll always find people who didn't have to work as hard as you to have greater fortune than you. However, as bad as you may think you have it, you can be rest assured there's no shortage of people out there who have worked harder than you and are in a worse position than you. When you stop looking for things other people have that you don't and instead look at what you have that others don't, you start feeling a whole lot better about life.