I fallen in love with someone else too... No idea what to do

[Tamye]

Hello.

From a few months I am together with K. We are great together - he actually helped me pick up the pieces after last - and my first- relationship and was my friend that let me heal before he tried to get me.

Our relationship was not typical relationship. There were not butterflies, no stress, no giddy feeling. But I am sure I love him, I respect him, I trust him.

I also really miss him...

We see each other every 2 weeks on weekends - its too rare for me but we have no other option.

The worst thing is we don't know if we will be able to change it in the next 3 years :

Because of missing him so much and the above I started to have doubts. Will we survive? Do I want to live like that next X years even though I love him?

I would give so much to be able to hug the person I love every day, to see his face not on camera but in real life. It's awful and it's only been 1 month apart...

 

Aaand there is this other guy. I don't know what happened. All my life I loved only 2 people. I never fell instantly and hard for someone. Until now...

It was weird. I met a friend in college. We spend all week together most of time. From the beggining he knew I had a boyfriend.

Also from the beggining he seemed to notice my hesitation about that relationship - if it will survive.

I never met with something like that. It's like there's electricity when we touch accidentaly.

We talked, we are both attracted this weird way to each other, he wants to date me. It's like something is pulling us together. We are forced to sit together in college because of the our names.

And lately it's torture. It's real TORTURE We have to sit side by side. And try to resist this feeling. It's awful. I feel like crying every day. I can't focus on anything. It's awful. We're trying to not look at each other, to not touch etc. But it's so damn hard.

I would never cheat on my boyfriend. And the second guy knows that.

We both have no idea how to behave and what to do. Ignoring each other is painful, trying to be friends doesnt work out at all and is even more painful...

I am sitting there wondering how his lips taste like and all this and I feel guilty as hell... Even though I have no control over that.

 

I also know that K. wants us to be each other firsts. I know he want to marry me one day. And before I wouldn't hesitate. But now I am wondering - what if even though we love each other we won't survive the distance so long? What if I'll lose both of them in the end?

Is what I have with K. a real love? Even though there was no giddy feeling, no stress, no much excitation even in the beggining?

I don't know how to behave and what to do.

Hurting K would hurt me soo deeply, but honestly I also cannot imagine living through this torture with second guy all year. I am going to go crazy. And he's going to become crazy too.

 

What do I do? Am I right to have doubts?

I am so mentally tired of this situation. It's like I have to try very hard to not LOVE the second guy, because right now ofc it's not love yet.

I talked to K. about this. I feel like crying all the time.

Why did this happen to me?

[SooSad33]

Sounds like you've got a tough decision to make.

You're making some good points.. about distance issue's and how little you see K. yes, that always adds stressors to a relationship.

 

But, I do suggest you NOT think of getting involved with this guy at your college any time soon.. just because things feel right with him.

it could be possible that you are having these feelings around him because it's what is lacking between you and K.

If things aren't going to work out between you and K, then you need to come to terms with that. Admit it and work on 'accepting' the facts.. deal with that loss and heal from it.. before you think of moving on again to anyone else.

If you move on too quickly there's a good chance you'll end up with guilt, regrets, confused emotions.. etc.

 

As for this guy at college.. it is not 'love'. It's called 'lust'. You have these 'good feelings' for him.

 

But you really need to think of what's right. Don't jump into anything too fast where you might regret it.

Deal with you and K right now.

[Clinton]

Sounds like K was a rebound who was your emotional crutch. It won't last with K. Time to move on.

[Movingforward3]

Or your replacing the college guy with what you are missing with k. Why the forced distance with k? Different school?

 

The question I think you need to ask yourself is this: if you lost k had would you feel? Do you still want to be k's first? How you feel after sleeping with college boy? Do you feel guilty when talking to k after seeing college boy?

 

This is one of those no great answer either or type of things. You could date them both, you could pick one, pick neither. You need to contemplate all the possibilities of what might be. You have very few relationships and you are still learning.

I know passion is hard to turn down. But, a solid person who is there for you is very hard to find. Good luck.

[Tamye]

I told K everything because I felt guilty. The only K reaction was comforting me and telling that this guy should have stopped flirting with me the second he knew I had a boyfriend and that he's hurting me to get what he wants.

 

Me and K are in different college's and we want to try to switch to the same after year but do not know if it will be possible. Theres a big difference in college program : <.>

 

I would be very hurt if I lost K. He was the best person in my life. He was the first one to believe in me and to really love me. I can't think of hurting him but am not sure if we will survive.

About being each other firsts I was taught that its supposed to be my future to be husband. And when I am hesitating if tho will survive I am hesitating about that too.

About K being rebound... I waited months before I started dating again and done that when I stopped feeling hurt. I thought its enough...

[trust101]

I only read the title of your thread & this came to mind:

 

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second one."

 

- Johnny Depp.

[sheldon]

I only read the title of your thread & this came to mind:

 

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second one."

 

- Johnny Depp.

 

Yea, as much as I like Johnny Depp, that is about the stupidest thing that has ever come out of his mouth and spread around the internet. Real and true love is not constant sunshine and roses. It has its ebbs and flows and there are times you don't think you are in love with the person you are with because that "in love" feeling changes. If it is true it deepens past the excitement of the honeymoon stage that you love ADHDers think you need to know you are in love. Relationships in and of themselves are tough and take work. I love my best friend, but I find another friend that I am equally as comfortable talking with, should I drop the first friend because if I really valued that friendship, I wouldn't have become such good friends with the second one?

That quote is just an excuse and self-argument to justify what you want to do. Just like, for example, a man cheats because his wife is pregnant and may not be able to have sex with him doesn't justify having sex with another woman. If you want to take that route, at least have enough integrity and honesty with yourself and the one you are currently with to tell the truth. People are recycled enough in this world to be flooded with more crap quotes to justify something so stupid.

[Tamye]

I don't think it's true. I think you can love and be in love with more than 1 person at the same time... Sadly : (.

I believe I am in this situation. And still have no idea what to do : <.>

I didn't actually do anything. I didnt let anything to happen. I told no to every intimate thing the other guy tried.

And even though I did not choose to feel the way I feel about the second guy and can do nothing about it I feel terribly guilty and I am starting to hate myself for feeling this way. This is emotional cheating ... And I can do nothing to stop this.