Was I sexually abused as a boy?

[TomC80]

This is my darkest secret that I have never even hinted at to another soul. I can't even remember how old I was when it happened. 2 or 3 years ago memories of what occurred came into my mind. As a now 35 year old and a father it occurred to me that what went on was more than something to be merely embarrassed about I think it was sexual abuse.

I can't remember how old I was but I know I was a little boy under 10. I would often stay at my grandparents house while my parents worked and I made friends with the boy next door. He must have been in his early teens. For a long time everything was normal, doing things young boys do, playing in the garden, climbing trees playing football etc. I can't remember at all how things came to change and please forgive the blank spots, but I recall him telling me about his girlfriend and asking me if I would help him practice. I don't know why I went along with it, I guess he convinced me it was a normal thing to do. He would make me touch him while he was aroused and would make me undress and then touch me, I don't want to be to graphic but you can guess what went on. This is the extent of it although I have faint memories of him trying to talk me into more but remember refusing. I remember feeling uncomfortable and protesting that I didn't want to do any of things he got me to do but I guess his reassurances persuaded me that it was okay. This happened on a few occasions from what I remember until I felt enough was enough and I stayed away from him and never saw or spoke to him again.

The thing is I don't know what to do with this. I feel nothing about it other than ashamed and embarrassed but it harbours no feelings of horror or what you might expect when someone says they've been abused. I don't know if it has impacted on who I am as a person, I'm complicated and prone to low self esteem but I've never connected it with this. Was I abused?, should I keep it as my dark secret or share it with someone?

[Unreasonable]

Yes it was.

 

And if you feel like you should share it with someone you trust, you should.

[DoF]

This happens more than people think.

 

Don't worry about it and just forget it. Talking about it and sharing it with others won't do NOTHING but damage.

 

NOTHING good can come of it....

 

Best thing to do, just get that memory out of your head and don't think about it.

 

It's as big of a deal or as little as YOU make it. I would recommend making it a NO deal.

 

Also, our society does NOT comfort or support MEN that are abused. Only women. Rape for example, men are raped way more than women (jail)......they are laughed at, NOT supported, NOR pampered etc.

 

Keep it quiet......

[Seraphim]

Yes. Absolutely it was. I am sorry.

[alli]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is just ridiculous what some people think they have the right to do to other people. It might be helpful if you saw a counselor about this. You could consider pressing charges against him if you think it will bring you peace or a sense of justice. It happened many years ago, and it might depend on your state laws but I think the statute of limitations for childhood abuse doesn't begin until the victim is 18. It might be too long ago and obviously there would be no proof so it might be difficult. But if you are thinking about it, I think you would have to decide soon because it's been 17 years already.

 

He was a teen but he absolutely knew what he was doing was wrong. I remember my thought processes when I was 13 and I certainly knew that doing something like that to another person was not okay.