Feeling hopeless

[Hoagy]

Last year I spent the three months before Christmas working in the warehouse of an online discount leisurewear company - horrible polyester hoodies and baseball caps. I didn't do it because I necessarily needed the money - although I do need a job. I did it because my self esteem was very low. I felt worthless, pathetic and hopeless. So I decided to punish myself by deliberately taking a job that required no brains at all. The employment equivalent of cutting myself with a razor blade.

 

Nine months later I receive an offer from them to go back for another three months. Again I am at a low point so once again I say yes - "I am a pathetic piece of garbage and deserve to be treated as such."

 

The thing is, I do have a good education. I know opera and wine and history and philosophy. I've worked in offices and banks but now, despite my best efforts, I can't find an employer who cares about any of those things. So now I feel that all the time I spent reading, studying and learning and pretending that there is any hope left in this world was wasted because I just end up back where I was last year.

 

So what's the point? Why bother reading and studying and learning ever again if it doesn't get me anywhere? Why bother trying to do anything? Why not just give up, have my brain removed and accept that I'm a failure and I'm going to spend the next 20 years pissing my life away in this bloody sodding warehouse? I thought I was better than this but I'm obviously not. Sadly it seems any progress I've made in my weekly group therapy sessions the past few weeks has been undone because now I feel as bad as ever.

 

Right now I've lost interest in wine, opera (music in general), reading, art and all the other things I used to enjoy because they're incompatable with scum like me. Nothing to look forward to now except a lonely death.

[TMifune]

I think learning new things always has value. It's just not always easy to see how that value translates directly into any given situation.

 

If you're looking for work, I'd suggest temporarily focusing your learning activities toward the things that will benefit you getting that particular type of job you want. I don't think that means all of your other education is meaningless though.

 

At least you got your shirt clean! (You gotta take the small victories when the big ones aren't present!)

[Man with Dog]

I agree with you that the UK job market is awful. I was recently made redundant and am working in a more junior position for less money. I'm only thankful that we haven't lost the house.

 

I see graduates unemployed or working part-time in retail. Trained mechanics and hairdressers are out of work. I won't go on for ever but I blame all governments of the last 200 years, right, left and centre. We have mass unemployment and hardly any industry. We send half our young people to university, knowing full well that few of them will ever get a graduate-level job. Unfortunately, living in the West Midlands makes it even worse for you.

 

If I was young, free and single now, I would seriously consider going abroad to a developing country to gain experience to come back later to the UK. I'm not telling you (or anyone else) to do this. You may well have very good reasons why you can't. I did not have it in me to go abroad alone when I was in my early 20s, not even on holiday.

 

I wish I could fix the UK economy for you.

[Patrick974]

Unfortunately, having a good education doesnt necessiraly owe you an interesting job. I worked in offices too. Wanted to try bank at some point but was eventually rejected several times. I am still enjoying music (not 2000/2010 one though) and although I am younger than you my life is similar to what it was a decade ago. Do you have any good mates whether in your situation or not?

[Movingforward3]

You must never give up and never surrender! Think outside the box! Change the rules and conditions to win the game! What can you do to make changes?

[Man with Dog]

I'm surprised that you've had hardly any replies whilst many issues that I consider less serious seem to have had a lot more.

 

Unfortunately, I cannot add any more to what I've already said. There are hundreds of thousands like you in the UK who just cannot get a proper start in life. Many have family reasons why they cannot simply up and go abroad to gain experience.

 

I really feel for you and those like you and I wish others would lend their support, even if only moral support.

[Hoagy]

Thank you, everyone. I'm going through some tough times and there never seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Just gets darker.

 

The warehouse job starts on Friday. Don't know how long I'm going to last before (a) I lose my temper and get fired for punching the boss very hard in the face or (b) have a nervous breakdown.

 

I'll try to keep you posted.

[anya1607307555]

Try to separate 'you' from 'a career'. I understand how you feel but for the immediate future, just think about the job as a means to pay your bills (that in itself is worthwhile). You are still 'you' without a career; enjoy the opera, enjoy learning just because....well, that's what makes you smile.

 

Good luck for Friday!