a generation thing

[revdeluka]

hello all. i need the older friends to help me out here. i keep reading all these posts and i find a lot of lonely people. i am wondering if it has always been like this cos our parents generation seem to have had less of a problem with the who dating senario. i mean its amazing to see how many lonely boys and girls are out there. i dont think dating and finding a partner should be an issue. what do you think the problem is if there is a problem.

thanks.

[arrowbee]

Feminism is the problem. Here in the Western world in the 21st century, women are culturally conditioned to settle for nothing short of perfection.

 

As always, feel free to disagree.

[Kaia]

My parents' generation seem to have less of a problem because they can always do arranged marriage

[Celadon]

It's a lot of things. I think there's more pressure these days to be hooked up younger, whereas that wasn't true a few decades ago. You could just have a group of friends and not feel like you were a loser. I think it's much more important to know who you are first.

 

Also, families don't seem as strong these days, so there's not as much of a support system for kids. Not as many "old, wise" people around to help guide and mentor kids. Society doesn't even value wise people anymore, it seems. Everything's about being young.

[Heretic]

It IS the pressure that is causing all the problems.

 

Children (12 and under) are being exposed to sex, and even having sex. I'm not one to be judgemental but 12 is too young. I'm not sure why this change is occurring, but it is. My 14 year old cousin is scared to tell anyone she's a virgin because she's afraid to be shunned. That's pathetic. No one should ever have a reason to be ashamed of their virginity no matter how old they are.

 

Some people blame the media, but I blame parents. Most parents these days grew up during the sexual revolution. This lead to the "Since women can have sex without getting pregant why not have sex?" belief which I think is truly putting all the pressure on younger AND younger girls to have sex. When is it going to stop? 9? 7? I believe in sexual liberation but this is getting ridculous. No one should ever have to drop out of grade 8 because they have to have a baby.

 

Essentially I believe it's this increase in sexuality that's causing all the pressure on teens to form relationships. I also believe that premature sexual activity can cause EXTREME depression and feelings of anxiety, both linked to "feeling lonely". If you have a sexual partner then you lose that partner (even if it was for a fleeting moment) you'll feel lonely.

 

Anyways, sorry about the rant... that's just what I think it is.

[peanut15]

When you meant your parents generation, what age are we talking about. I think that finding a suitable partner/spouse is prevalent in all generations but its more publicly known nowadays. I'm in my 30s and have a bunch of friends the same age or older that are not married or seeing anyone.

 

I think that there are many factors that lead of a lot of single available people. I think that many of us place our career in front of a relationship, I think we have higher expectations because we've seen how are parents marriages have been, and I think that the media (all types) have a lot to do with what we see as perfect and try to base our expectations on that.

[Heretic]

Another thing I just thought about is... you never really think about the single people your parents age.

 

Most people you know THROUGH your parents... and most parents hang out with other married people.

 

Maybe they had just as many problems and we can't recognize it?

 

Just a thought.

[ShySoul]

A lot of the problems that are posted here are as old as time. Our parents went through them, as did their parents, and their parents' parents. Some things will never change.

 

Other problems are a product of our time. Every generation has their own unique culture and set off problems. I think our time is one that is much faster than before. People seem to want things now, they are exposed to more things and at an earlier age. Also, family values do seem to have declined. Even when I was growing up I can remember watching family sitcoms that taught values and morals. Now we have shows like Desperate Housewifes and Survivor. But other generations have also had their own problems that we haven't had to deal with. Nothing is every perfect, nowadays it's just easier to hear about them.

[VictorWard]

I think that there are many factors that lead of a lot of single available people. I think that many of us place our career in front of a relationship, I think we have higher expectations because we've seen how are parents marriages have been, and I think that the media (all types) have a lot to do with what we see as perfect and try to base our expectations on that.

People need to put a lot of effort into their career just to get anywhere. The job market sucks, and there's always somebody out there willing to do your job for a little less. So people need to prove their worth by working longer hours.

 

To the original poster in this thread, you asked why it seems like there are more lonely people out there these days. I don't think there is a way for us to know any kind of statistics on this to compare the problem a generation ago to today.

If you're basing your observation solely on the internet, then there is no way to look at posts from a previous generation to find out if they were posting about how lonely there were.

I think that most people from a previous generation who were lonely would probably keep it to themselves. That's what I did before the internet, I can't imagine the average person would be much different.

[tiger_lilies]

I believe that most people these days simply think that as soon as the relationship hits a bump in the road, they figure they can find someone better. I'm guilty of that.

Whereas in the older generation, they tend to still stick together.

[revdeluka]

hey victorward, i can tell that there are a lot more lonely people in this generation by just looking. i meet alot of people, guy and girls who i feel are just great people but they almost all have the same problem. most of the posts on this forum also reflect this situation. so i think im safe to say it is a generation thing. i agree that a lot of people are caught up in their jobs but that dosent change the fact that they are alone. just comparing notes

thanks.

[VictorWard]

hey victorward, i can tell that there are a lot more lonely people in this generation by just looking. i meet alot of people, guy and girls who i feel are just great people but they almost all have the same problem. most of the posts on this forum also reflect this situation. so i think im safe to say it is a generation thing. i agree that a lot of people are caught up in their jobs but that dosent change the fact that they are alone. just comparing notes

thanks.

Fair enough.

I could also agree that this may be a generation thing. But asking the question of what is causing the problem is difficult. I think you could ask 100 different people and come up with 100 different answers.

 

I'm just curious, in your observations, have you noticed that loneliness is more common is either males or females?

[revdeluka]

well in my observation, both are equally as lonely. although a girl can get a guy more easily, they usually want someone who has an earth shaking personality and you and i know that most guys are just the average joe. so in the long run they end up just as lonely as the guys. this is just what i think, im not sure but thats my observation. your thoughts.

[Shinobie]

I will stay a lonely boy because i personally think girls dont like me because im too shy and stupid.Plus i think im ugly in their eyes so why would a girl want a guy like me.O well ill just have to try hard to be happy in a lonely life im destined too.I personally believe there are far more lonely guys then girls.Because girls just sit back and let guys do the game.So for us shy guys we are pretty much destined to lonlieness.

[VictorWard]

well in my observation, both are equally as lonely. although a girl can get a guy more easily, they usually want someone who has an earth shaking personality and you and i know that most guys are just the average joe. so in the long run they end up just as lonely as the guys. this is just what i think, im not sure but thats my observation. your thoughts.

I honestly can't remember where I was going with the "is one sex more depressed than the other".

But what you said about the girls wanting the guy with the earth shaking personality, maybe this is part of the problem. Everybody's standards are too high.

Is it possible that years of watching TV shows revolving around people with perfect lives, and deifying the celebrity lifestyle makes people think that they must have the same thing?

[revdeluka]

yes victor, i do believe the media has a big role to play with this. its unfortunate. however i do think that if every guy were better at communicating every girl would have a boy by her side. and as for shinobi, i know how it feels to be lonely. i have been with a lot of lonely guys and girls. and i am lonely myself. first of all been lonely can be a beautiful thing, there are lots of things to do when your lonely, like learning how to cope. secondly, dont quite, keep reading, watching and observing the pros and i say that within each of us lies great potential. i promise you that if you start working hard at getting a partner you would, or should i say, must find a patner. other wise, i have all you lonely boys and girls in my prayers . cheers fellas

[VictorWard]

yes victor, i do believe the media has a big role to play with this. its unfortunate. however i do think that if every guy were better at communicating every girl would have a boy by her side.

Better at communicating with people in general, or communicating with women? Because communicating with women will probably require some special class or verbal/body language translator.