Mushyheart421 Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 My ex and I have been broke up with little contact for about 4 months now. She never initiates but waves when she sees me and usually responds if I text her but we have gone up to 3 weeks without us speaking. I was the dumpee an She immediately started searching for a new relationship. After our BU about 1-2 months in she found a sweet guy that "treats her like gold" which is what she wanted. The reason we broke up was because I had made mistakes with texting other girls while together, she said she got over that but I don't she ever did. what really caused our break up was me being cold and not as thoughtful as I should of been towards her. She would cry and I wanted nk part of dealing with it. Immediately following our break up I did all the wrong things and showered her with love and trying to show her I would change for her. Her response was it was too late for any of that. I took her virginity and im her longest relationship. I'm 22 and she's 20. She wanted to stay friends and I mean by definition i guess we're sort of that. I've loved and lost before but the way I still feel. I know it's different with her. In all the stories of reconciliation I have noticed its way more common for guys to come back after being the dumper and jumping into new relationships. Is there any stores of ex girlfriends returning? I have already been trying to move on and not thinking about her so much but there isn't one day that goes by that I haven't. What should my next move be? Go on with my life and just pretend that I really don't want her anymore? Who knows will she really come back one day? What do you guys think? Link to comment
alli Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I don't think she will come back. You've already done what you could do to try to change her mind and it didn't work. It sounds like you set a bad tone to the relationship by not treating her well and perhaps interacting with other girls in less than appropriate ways. I've heard of many times where one person promises to change and they do for a while, but they can't keep it up for long. I think you have some maturing to do before you will be able to keep up with any girl what you told her you would do for her- be kind and respectful to her. Ask yourself why you thought it was ok to do those things when you were with her so you will learn to behave differently in future relationships. You don't have to pretend you don't want her anymore. It's ok to still feel hurt that it ended. But you do need to go on with your life. Take what you have learned from this relationship to make the next one better. Link to comment
SophieGrace Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I think you should move on. Believe it or not, you are young and you will love again. Hopefully with the next gal you'll take the lessons you learned from the last one and apply so there are no regrets. Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Well, you've made your bed by behaving badly, and she got sick of it. No point thinking about how you've changed and would be a better BF when she's moved on. Sorry, but it doesn't sound as if there is hope of reconciliation. I don't think it's a good idea to stay friends when you've been dumped. The best thing for your emotional wellbeing and healing is to have no contact. I know that's not what you want to do, but honestly, in the long run you'll be much better off. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I think that you should take your dignity into consideration and respect her relationship. She is dating someone - so you need to disappear and respect that. It is one thing to wave in public if you are both okay with that, but stop texting her or initiating contact. And don't wave or acknowledge her in public unless you directly cross paths (don't go out of your want to look for her 10 blocks away and try to catch her eye if she probably won't see you.) If you were texting other girls, you are not broken up just because you weren't as affectionate - mostly she probably started to check out when you were communicating with other girls and thereby showing she didn't matter. Its not about gifts or holding hands, at that point. It is preventing you from moving on by trying to communicate her and that is what you need to do. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 First off we dated for months after I made that mistake and texted that girl. I didn't ask her to or hangout with her. I just know deep down that did bother her. The nail in the coffin was me not showing her what she meant. She use to treat me like I was her entire world and I was. She forced herself to be otherwise and shopped threw guys until she found someone sweet enough. I know deep down those emotions are still in there within her. I haven't been texting her and have been working on myself. I have changed. It took me losing her to notice what I really wanted. Since the break up I've lost 10 pounds and become loads better at expressing my emotions and handling responsibility. I think I posted this to see what others think but having heard great stories of reconsiliation months and even years later, I don't think I'll ever truly lose hope. Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 The sad reality here is it took her to break up with you to realise what you had. How you ? You really pushed your luck. ..by taking her for granted.She chose to break up with you and he has also chosen to be in this other relationship. You should choose to consider this the end and move on Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 I don't look at it as the complete end. I mean for now yeah it's over but in the long run you never know what's possible. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted August 30, 2015 Author Share Posted August 30, 2015 There is hope out there I've heard some stories of impossible relationships getting back together. Link to comment
Nevermore31 Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 Look at it that way: You messed up in the past and she was hurting and you did not listen to her. Girls fell in love slowly and fell out of love slowly. You are hurting regretting to what happened in the past and you wish you can change that. Whatever happen happened and it could have happened either way. What is so important is to learn from it and see how can you make it in a positive way. What you really need to do is to CUT off all contact. As if not to reach out to her no matter what. She friends zoned you for back up if it did not work out with the new Guy. However you should never ever accept to be friends with her and make it clear you want more than that. Let her know to contact you if she ever changed her mind. and you walk away and MEAN it! Starting dating other women. IF she contact you invite her to your place to cook dinner. Do not go pick her up or meet her in any place. Why?! because why would you go out of your way to meet her up while she dumped you for another Guy. Let her come to you. Hang out, have fun, and hook up. Do not talk anything about any kind of a relationship. Be nice and playful with her and do not mention the past. What you really need to do is to reattract her to you. If she asked you to go out tell her it has been a long week and your only in the mood to hang at your place. You need to do this so you can see if she will make the effort to earning you back. She is the one who dumped you therefore she should show some effort to have you back. Again if she ever text you or anything like that tell her you are not interested in being friends and stick with it! Be direct and decisive with her. Besides at the end of the day she is dating someone else. Also it is very important if she is texting you... to ask you some bull question... like how are you?! how is life?... blah blah you need to her tell her to NOT contacting you if she only looking for something platonic! Be a man and go only for what you want. You want her romantically and only that. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 When women have had enough, and by that I mean being treated with disrespect, taken for granted....they shut down and move on. And when the next relationship shows her that there are men who will treat her with love and value her and the relationship, they don't look back. She will wave at you...because she is happy in her new life and harbors you no ill will. But she isn't ever going to give you a 2nd chance when she has already found someone who treats her better than you. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 Best response so far. I just don't think enough time has passed to erase all the negative thoughts in her head. I ran into her a few days and acted like it didn't matter and I was happy without her. I walked away from her while I could tell she was kinda uncomfortable. She actually texted me two days after that showing me this bs article and I only responded once. I have been moving on with my life I just know in my heart she's who I really wanna be with. As cheesy as that sounds lol. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I wasn't constantly nasty to her we still had plenty of good memories together.. Link to comment
smart14 Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I would let it go and stop contacting her completely. It sounds like you are trying to find specks of hope were there are none. Waving in public and texting you back are not signs of her still having feelings for you, she’s just being polite. I’m not trying to be negative here but if someone didn’t treat you good why would you stay with that person? And if you found someone else who does treat you good why would you want to go back to someone who didn’t? Now I’m not telling you it’s impossible to get back together one day, but it really doesn't sound like she has any interest Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 But the problem is...she no longer wants to be with you. Also, women find it particularly galling that only after breaking up do you realize what you lost. That while together, you didn't value the relationship. They joke amongst themselves that maybe the next girl will get the improved version of you...but that it would be a cold day in hell before they would go through that again with you. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I wasn't constantly nasty to her we still had plenty of good memories together.. There is no need to ever be nasty! Not constantly nasty....Jeeesh. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 I don't think you care about her all that much. You disrespected her in the relationship, now you are basically saying the her emotion for the new guy are fake and she MUST still feeling someone for you. Claiming someone's emotions are wrong is very disrespectful. If you give a hoot about her, leave her alone. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I didn't say it was fake. She wanted to find that and she did. She willing told me she played two guys before him. I have cared about her and Its been 4 months and I still care about her. I wasn't sure what all I wanted before we broke up and I knew the second we did that i was wrong. Maybe it is too late maybe it's not. Only time will tell. I wouldn't take her back instantly if that was even an option and I do respect her and her wishes. I haven't been begging for her back or even really texting her, Me caring isn't the issue. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I have years with my ex and the other kid has a meer couple of months. I'm not knocking it I made mistakes and tried to fix them. Only she can give me another chance and either way I know that has no chance until further down the road. Link to comment
Mushyheart421 Posted August 31, 2015 Author Share Posted August 31, 2015 I really wasn't all that bad but I don't claim to be an angel. I made mistakes but She made me grow up quickly and find where I went wrong. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 What you are failing to perceive is that you had years to treat her right and did not. He has had months and succeeded. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 31, 2015 Share Posted August 31, 2015 She's done . Leave her alone. Learn from this experience. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 I have years with my ex and the other kid has a meer couple of months. I'm not knocking it I made mistakes and tried to fix them. Only she can give me another chance and either way I know that has no chance until further down the road. Again, she is in a relationship. RESPECT that. If you don't, you will come off as a stalker eventually. You had all your chances that she was willing to give. And sometimes someone meets someone they are compatible with, and everything goes right from the get go. This guy and her are a better match. She is in a relationship where she feels respected and is getting what she needs. You can't get blood from a stone. Sometimes people have different ways of communicating or different needs that don't match up. I think you should let her go, take time to heal and improve and you will meet a better match when you are ready. Link to comment
LovelyGirl Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Hi Mushyheart, you're right there is hope! How much? I'm not sure. I'd be hesitant to believe that she forgives you for the girl texting thing. Here's what I would want to consider getting back together with you: complete transparency. I'd want to be able to have your texts sent to my phone via imessage. I'd like to be able to see where you are. I'd like you to promise me never to talk to a girl again. I know this is extreme, but you broke the trust and that's what I'd want you to commit yourself to for me to consider being in a relationship with you. If i were you, I'd write these promises down. Then the next time I see her, I'd have a fun activity/catch up type thing. Build attraction, etc. I'd ask her how its going with the new guy. Then tell her that you respect your relationship with her new guy, but want her to know that you are sorry. And that if she'd ever consider getting back together this is the list of things you'd do, and more can be added on by her choosing. Then, I'd stop speaking to her as much because she's with someone else. Maybe still communicate with her and try to build attraction, but my personal limit is when my ex starts trying to get with someone else. If that's not yours, then work on building attraction and being nice to her. Link to comment
TMifune Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 What did the proton say to the electron? Stop being so negative!! Link to comment
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