cmpatable Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 My girlfriend let me go after 2 years of dating. Story is in another thread but long story short we were best friends and had a great relationship that fell due to some insecurities in me and arguments in the last 2-3months. She needs space and time to "find herself" which I would like to respect. I definitely believe she still loves me and would like to see positive change in me but know that the chances of reconciliation extremely slim. We are currently about a month NC and she seems to me moving forward with not many signs so far of looking back. We share the same exact mid size group of long term friends (both guys/girls) that neither of us will be leaving anytime soon. She's naturally closer with the girls, and I the guys but we all hang out together frequently on the weekends. Run-Ins will be close to impossible to avoid, especially during bigger events/holidays. Luckily she's been away for a couple weeks to make it easier on me so far. We both belong to a facebook group with all these friends where plans for bigger events are made. Today some of the guy friends made a post about a weekend trip to a buddies lake house that I would like to post on because I am planning on going and they are sorting things out. I would think part of No Contact would be avoiding posting in this group entirely but I also think I should be able to live on and keep my ties where they are. I could always text them individually but I feel like it's important to remain connected through the group because these types of things will more frequently come up. There is obviously part of me that wants her to seem me doing well, but there is no intention to rub anything in her face.. I just feel like avoiding the group is allowing this whole thing to effect me in a way it shouldn't and takes away a part of who I am. I have always liked trying to get events of my own together as well so I would post quite often before hand. As a part of growing and healing, getting closer with these friends and establishing more of a role in the group would be important to me. If you were a dumper and the dumper only...what would me posting in a group that I know she's a part of make you think. Would you think I am actually doing good and trying to move forward with life or would you get upset and think that my actions could have bad intention or are attempts to get a rise out of her. Or maybe even think I'm trying to control the group and exclude her? I see it two ways.. I know it could lead to healthy jealousy and get her thinking ...which I am okay with because my intentions are nothing but good. She probably will see nothing of it and continue moving forward OR she takes it the wrong way and think it's disrespectful fueling resent for me... which I would like to avoid because even though my intentions are good I am not trying make her feel disrespected. I don't want to fight over our group of friends and would love to be friends with her again, but you know it doesn't work out quite that well. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Just resume your life. What she thinks/feels/does about your FB post is not your concern. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 If you were a dumper and the dumper only...what would me posting in a group that I know she's a part of make you think. Would you think I am actually doing good and trying to move forward with life or would you get upset and think that my actions could have bad intention or are attempts to get a rise out of her. The point of NC is to try to get to a place where you don't care what the person that dumped you thinks. If you want to talk to the group that way you used to, just do it and don't worry about what she thinks about it. The thing you should worry about is how participating in that group is going to affect your healing if she decides to participate too. Is agonizing over what she thinks setting you back? If so I'd say duck out of the group for awhile. Link to comment
j.man Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hide that facebook group and take a break from it. You don't necessarily have to leave it unless you catch yourself unable to stop checking it looking for her. It'd be one thing if you were posting there to genuinely work something out with some friends, but you're not. You could very easily communicate individually with these guys. It's not about the "importance of remaining connected through the group." We're not stupid and neither are you. It's on you to help yourself and not make bad decisions that hinder your progress. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I know it could lead to healthy jealousy and get her thinking ...which I am okay with because my intentions are nothing but good Your intentions are showing. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I say post on the fb page when you want to, about the upcoming events. You dont need to mention her, tag her, or anything else. You are not writing to get her attention, you are talking about things you and your buddies want to do. Forget about what her reaction might be, it does not matter! You should be moving on with your life, and how she interprets your posts dont matter! You aren't supposed to hide under the bed and not do anything because she might get upset! Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 If they are your friends, be a friend, don't leave the group. Let me do so, since she made the choice to break-up. Enjoy life! If she has a problem with it, she can leave the group. Link to comment
cmpatable Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 I know it could lead to healthy jealousy and get her thinking ...which I am okay with because my intentions are nothing but good Your intentions are showing. It's not my intention, it's just that I'm simply not able to ignore the effects in which my actions may have. Posting in this group is something I would never think first about. Link to comment
Clinton Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 The point of NC is to try to get to a place where you don't care what the person that dumped you thinks. If you want to talk to the group that way you used to, just do it and don't worry about what she thinks about it. The thing you should worry about is how participating in that group is going to affect your healing if she decides to participate too. Is agonizing over what she thinks setting you back? If so I'd say duck out of the group for awhile. ^^^^^^^^ This Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Yeah I'm not sure how this is ever going to work. I dosn't help that you are all friends in the same group. How does your post in the group effect her? Is she the boss of this group? Now if you ever watch "Beverly Hills 9021, or Melrose Place" etc etc etc All those characters got with each other in their groups. When they split up, they all got along fine. Be the "Brandon" of your group (Beverly Hills 9021" or the "Billy" of your group "Melrose Place". Be cool with things like them. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I would do whatever I would normally have done, and I'd decide that her perceptions are irrelevant. Link to comment
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