Do women know ?

[Dougie_D]

If a women goes out and gets hit by a dude, and another dude engages, does the women know what this guys purpose? Is it a thrill ride? Does she let a guy interfere a conversation just to "test" a guy if he is worthy of "defending his territory"?

 

I made conversation with a girl. She told me she was "I like pale guys"... which was me.

 

Than this other guy comes in and she ends up saying "yeah, I'm a sucker for tan white guys" (I knew it was over for me)

 

But I tried to stand my ground. I told her I was going to bathroom and I would meet up with her at a table. When I came back, she was with another guy, so I just sat at the bar. I was ***defeated***..

 

 

I'm just wondering if women make some sort of test for men.. like the one that doesn't give up wins?

[morrowrd]

Don't frustrate yourself, but running off to the bathroom was wimpy so I'm not surprised you lost. Standing your ground is staying right there, make eye contact with the girl you're with and dismiss the other guy. If by chance you were in the middle of a real conversation, and not small talk, next time suggest (again, while dismissing the other xxxhole) lets move over there and talk so I can hear you without somebody interupting. Look at the guy and say excuse us, and then walk away from him. The rest is HER job...if she's not interested in talking to you, then she'll turn down the invitation.

[IAmFCA]

Women do not care about games men play with each other. In this example, she simply picked from what was available based on who knows what criteria

[Batya33]

If the most she could do was comment on the color of your skin then let her go with the other guy/guys or a woman if she wants. If you're still really interested in someone who has that level of depth then, sure, continue to hang around. It's not about what you wrote -it's far simpler -in that particular environment she probably felt more attracted to the other guy than to you and she had not had a real conversation with you so she was just evaluating on her personal standards of physical features. Sounds like a real charmer.

[Carnatic]

That's not really what c@ckblocking is as I understand it. c@ckblocking is when a somebody deliberately sabotages a man as he flirts, purely for their own amusement (and I guess you could do it to women too, but it would need a different name). For example I was at a pub once with a couple of mates, one of them was talking to a girl and she asked him what we were celebrating, my other mate, walking past just nonchalantly said 'it's the anniversary of him being released from prison'... the girl pulled a face and walked off. What happened to you was different, the other guy was actually trying to flirt with the same girl.

 

Personally I can't be bothered with these kinds of game, anyone who plays along is complicit so I include her as well as the other guy in your story, she knew he was playing a game and if she didn't want to play she would have ignored him, told him to buzz off or politely dismissed him. I'm not judging them, a lot of people love doing that and fair play to them it's just not my thing. I want to meet someone I have a connection with, not jump through hoops for a possible chance of sex.

 

If you feel the same then I would advise if it happens again to react confidently (so not going to the bathroom) but making it clear you aren't interested in games. Ignore him and say to her something like 'I'm going to go over there, feel free to join me if all this isn't your thing'... I'm sure she would then join you if she was interested in you and not in the game. Sounds like you did something similar it's just the way you did it that comes accross like maybe you shied away rather than walked away head held high.

[Sportster2005]

Was this in a bar? If so, it's the worst place to meet women.

[Rosti87]

Was this in a bar? If so, it's the worst place to meet women.

 

He has been told this a million times. But he keeps coming back to that same well. He'll tell you he wants rocker chicks and bars is where he finds them.

[wsim]

Stop chasing after woman in bars. I know you will keep trying and trying, waste of time.

 

You are better off meeting and connecting with woman doing things that you enjoy or interested in.

[Rosti87]

Stop chasing after woman in bars. I know you will keep trying and trying, waste of time.

 

You are better off meeting and connecting with woman doing things that you enjoy or interested in.

 

I think we are wasting our time telling him this...

[Dougie_D]

If you guys can tell me what other places to meet women at night time, then please tell me. I work 5pm to 2am M-F. I only get saturday and sunday nights. Online Dating doesn't work for me. If I'm not hanging out the bar, I'm either at the gym, eating out, or shopping(rarely).... Please give me examples. Everyone gives me some sort of "meet up" or "volunteer". I go to my board game meet up group every month. (it's once a month). When football starts back up, I'll go to the alumni group (which meets at a BAR). I'm so confused. I've NEVER heard of anyone of my friends hooking up outside of a bar/club, online dating, work/school.

[reinventmyself]

So you go to one Meet up once a month?

There is no limit on how many Meet ups you can join.

There are some geared just for the purpose of meeting people.

Search `social groups' in your area.

[Carnatic]

So you go to one Meet up once a month?

There is no limit on how many Meet ups you can join.

There are some geared just for the purpose of meeting people.

Search `social groups' in your area.

 

I can kind of understand where he's coming from, I've been joining a lot of societies and clubs recently. I'm not looking for dates, just looking to socialise more, but if i was looking for dates from these places I'd struggle as at nearly all of them I'm the youngest person there by about 20 years. I don't know about where the OP is from, but where I'm from there's not much culture on offer, and young people just don't do things like join clubs.

 

That said, I'm not interesting in trying to pick girls up in bars, so a romantic life can wait until I live somewhere else.

[TMifune]

My first thought was why did she lie to you, but it really could be possible that she likes both pale guys AND tan white guys.

[Dougie_D]

So you go to one Meet up once a month?

There is no limit on how many Meet ups you can join.

There are some geared just for the purpose of meeting people.

Search `social groups' in your area.

 

I'm actually a member of a few of those social groups. I get emails everyday. I went to a few but it got weird after that. The first was a movie night (6 people showed up..2 from the UK, 2 girls, and me and some other random guy who barely spoke English. Then I went to a poker game, and I felt really uncomfortable. It was at some dudes house (it wasn't at a bar or a rented out place). From my experience it's that you go there and do it once or twice, and that's it. It's for people who don't know anybody. Basically just moved into town. I've lived in LA for over 5 years now, so I know my way of the land and I have cool roommates.

 

Honestly, if anybody here knows of a SUCCESS story, then please let me know. I believe these groups are WONDERFUL for people who come to a big city and know there way around and just want to try to do things. Because a lot of the times, the "host" sounds like a "tour guide". Not for me.

[reinventmyself]

Hmmm . .I am not new to my city and have gone to some and much like anything, you need to invest in it to get something in return.

Yes. .sometimes they are awkward and then that changes as friendships develop. But if it's not for you, I get it.

 

Honestly I think anything we say, you are going to dispute anyway.

 

There is no magic answer or short cut.

[Dougie_D]

Hmmm . .I am not new to my city and have gone to some and much like anything, you need to invest in it to get something in return.

Yes. .sometimes they are awkward and then that changes as friendships develop. But if it's not for you, I get it.

 

Honestly I think anything we say, you are going to dispute anyway.

 

There is no magic answer or short cut.

 

Not that I'm trying to dispute it but I think it's strange that people on here say I shouldn't go to bars to meet people. It's like they are saying that women who go to bars and women who don't are 2 different types of people. Or the approach is different. The way I talk, approach, make conversation, body language, is not going to magically change because I'm not at a bar. The only difference is that at a bar setting, it's more acceptable to talk to a stranger. Most women have their guards up at public places vs bars/clubs.

[Fudgie]

Not that I'm trying to dispute it but I think it's strange that people on here say I shouldn't go to bars to meet people. It's like they are saying that women who go to bars and women who don't are 2 different types of people. Or the approach is different. The way I talk, approach, make conversation, body language, is not going to magically change because I'm not at a bar. The only difference is that at a bar setting, it's more acceptable to talk to a stranger. Most women have their guards up at public places vs bars/clubs.

 

The reason why people are telling you to stay away from bars is because you haven't been successful so it's time to try something else. Why do you want to keep trying something that isn't working out?

[Dougie_D]

The reason why people are telling you to stay away from bars is because you haven't been successful so it's time to try something else. Why do you want to keep trying something that isn't working out?

I've had more success at bars than other places. Every single girls number I've gotten post college has been at a bar setting or venue ty

[Batya33]

I've had more success at bars than other places. Every single girls number I've gotten post college has been at a bar setting or venue ty

 

That is not how success is defined if the goal is a potentially long term relationship.

[Dougie_D]

The reason why people are telling you to stay away from bars is because you haven't been successful so it's time to try something else. Why do you want to keep trying something that isn't working out?

I've had more success at bars than other places. Every single number I've gotten post college has been at a bar setting or venue type. It's the date or even a 2nd date that I can't get. I hate to say this, but I have better chances with women when they are less sober and the lights are not on. I'm not a "looker".

[Fudgie]

I've had more success at bars than other places. Every single girls number I've gotten post college has been at a bar setting or venue ty

 

You just getting girs' numbers is not a measure of success. How many of those girls have ended up going on dates (and I mean REAL dates with you, not where they just go so they can have someone pay their way) or sex or something else that you've desired?

 

You see it as a good thing but how is it if it NEVER ends up going anywhere? Some girls will give their number just to be polite without actually wanting anything out of it like you do. How is that success?

 

Also, how much have you actually tried other avenues? Because going by your posts, you've only used music venues/bars as a way to meet women. Well no wonder you haven't had success elsewhere, you haven't really tried it.

[Fudgie]

I'm to be frank here, guys who are not "lookers" don't go to bars to pick up chicks. The guys who are successful at dating in bars are confident, conventionally good looking, and usually a bit younger (than you).

 

It's time to try something else.

 

You know, maybe you may get more women to talk to you when the lights are dark and they are drunk, but you're never going to anything remotely lasting. It won't even culminate in a date. That's not success.

[Dougie_D]

I'm just looking for something past a 3rd date, makeout session, sex, etc... You have to get past those levels to be in a potential long term anyways.

[Dougie_D]

I have. I do it as much as I can. I make small talk with lots of women when waiting for the bus. I have no connection with them at all so I don't ask for their number. But I enjoy talking people. I have a better connection with women who are out at venues and especially sports bars.

[Rosti87]

I'm just looking for something past a 3rd date, makeout session, sex, etc... You have to get past those levels to be in a potential long term anyways.

 

You won't even get the above at a bar. You are too old for this sh*#t. You need to diversify your social options before you wake up in your 40's still living with a younger group of roommates (because your present roommates will probably move on to age appropriate living) with no dating prospects.