Starseed98 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Hi everyone, just wanted to say that reading TONS of posts here on ENA has finally got me to the point of being ready to try and meet some new people. After 4 months, I dont think about my ex, I feel nothing for him, and it was a long hard journey to get where I am at. I honestly feel I am finally in a good place. So I signed up for online dating and that is something I never thought I would do but friends urged me to get back out there and try something. After two weeks, I had one flake and now the second potential we have a confirmed lunch date for tomorrow. So I am here looking for some do's and dont's and generally just tips for a first timer meeting someone for the first time from online dating. Thanks! Link to comment
El0t Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Other than safety-- meeting in a public place, etc. Just be you! The only times I've ever experienced or heard of any real negativity on a first meet up is if the person doesn't at ALL match their profile. So, as long as you haven't posted pictures of someone else/ talked yourself up as something you're not, you should be fine. Best of luck and have fun! Link to comment
Someday_Soon Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Get more than one picture of the person you're going to meet. As the previous poster said, safety should come first above all else. It may make you more comfortable if you talk on the phone to each other first. This will help you assess the level of chemistry sooner. Link to comment
El0t Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 And the other side of my post-- don't expect to be dazzled off of your feet or for the person to match their profile... disappointment 90% of the time... sorry! =] Link to comment
Starseed98 Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Thank you both for your advice. I am pessimistic by nature and am very aloof and a plus is that I am not as vulnerable as I was say even a month ago. We are meeting in a public place and we have spoken on the phone and we have both shared photos in various stages of our life. I do have family and friends in the area we are to meet and have made them aware of my plans for tomorrow. I am not expecting a whole lot and basically just to see of we are even more compatible than the screens we see each other on. Link to comment
El0t Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I've used online dating on and off for about a year out of the past two years. I can definitely say that we females have the wayyyyyyyyyyyyy upper hand when it comes to online dating. My current significant other and I met online, and things have been more or less solid for half a year, so it's not impossible I guess! haha It's been interesting meeting people in person, and at the very least asking about their experiences. If you don't take it too seriously in the early stages and just try to have fun with it, it can be a pretty interesting experience. Hope your online dating adventures go well! Link to comment
Starseed98 Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Thank you tky, I will for sure update on how it went because what I am doing is a big thing for me lol I am well aware as an IT professional and having spent the last 15 years in IT and computer forensics what I am up against in the online dating world, but the human part of it is what is freaking me out a little lol. Actually experiencing it. It's a little overwhelming lol Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I think you're on the right track. Here's my advice: -Don't even think of the 1st meeting as a date. It's just a meet and greet to see if you wan to date. -Always continue to date other people until you both decide to be exclusive, so that you don't get too excited about any one guy prematurely. -Keep it light. Stay away from heavy topics he's a stranger no matter how much texting you did....why would you tell him something you wouldn't tell a random stranger? -If you decide to go for a date try to keep them active dinner is great but I find I learn more about someone when we go bowling or play put-put or whatever. I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch but those will do for starters. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 -Don't even think of the 1st meeting as a date. It's just a meet and greet to see if you want to date. -Always continue to date other people until you both decide to be exclusive, so that you don't get too excited about any one guy prematurely. I agree with LSD's whole post, but I just want to highlight these points because it's advantageous and common these days to use online sites for 'speed meeting' rather than obligating yourself to full meals or full evenings. That gets expensive and exhausting, and it can trap you into spending too much time with people who you can tell in 5 minutes are not a good match. Given that most people are simply NOT our match, use OLD to screen for basic compatibility and then speed meet over a quick coffee for 20 minutes to check one another out. The rule is, neither can put the other on the spot to meet again or to keep the meeting going. Afterward, either can contact the other to ask for a real date, and if the answer is yes, the other responds, while if the answer is no, no response is necessary. This takes all the dismal rejection stuff out of the way. Line up several quick meets to avoid a fantasy focus on any one of them unless something gets off the ground. Do this in on/off cycles that give you a rest in between to avoid burnout. Allow bad matches to pass early. Don't invest in trying to 'work' a bad match into a good one. The key is resiliency and detachment until attachment is appropriate, and the goal is to keep screening out bad matches, which will be the majority if not all of them, until you eventually stumble into someone with whom you share chemistry and simpatico. If you can appreciate that finding love is difficult, you won't get discouraged. If finding love were easy, there would be nothing special about it. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I am pessimistic by nature and am very aloof and a plus is that I am not as vulnerable as I was say even a month ago. That's not going to help you in dating. Be optimistic and enthusiastic. And no matter how frustrating it gets maintain a positive attitude. Very few people want to be around pessimistic aloof people. Do you? Link to comment
Starseed98 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 Pessimistic amd aloof. These traits guided me to a successful first meeting, I am happy to update! We went for lunch, talked a lot about the kinds of things we like to do, went for a drive, discovered that we had a lot more in common than we originally thought and all in all it was a great afternoon/evening. We watched an afternoon movie as well because we had both traveled about 30 minutes and wanted to make the most of the time we took to meet. He was polite, funny, even sang a song for me. Too good to be true? We will see Thank you everyone for the tips you provided. I was myself, as he was as well. He was also the person in every photo he sent and was genuinely a nice guy. I had no reason to believe that I should convince someone to like me for who I am because to me, what you see is what you get. Its still early and I am not focusing on the one date or hoping for it to evolve into something more. I am still new to everything and I want to take the time to process everything and my next steps and just be grateful that everything worked out, against all odds. We are now confirming schedules to make our next meeting just as successful Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 i'm glad you're meeting again. In the future I strongly suggest you not get in a car with someone you just met for the first time. Link to comment
Starseed98 Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 Thank you Batya Noted Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 HoorAy! I'm so glad you enjoyed one another--and yourselves. None of us can define good chemistry for anyone else, we just know it when we find it. I hope you'll consider keeping us informed; you've inspired me. Best wishes, Cat Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Based on your updates, here are some things to note when online dating: Safety first - Don't give a stranger your full name. Create an email @ just for dating. Obtain a phone # just for dating (e.g. interenet #). Go to a public place. Also, until you know this person, come in your own car, and leave in your own car. As Batya has mentioned, you made a mistake in this area. Have a plan as to why you're dating (casual, LTR,...). Know why he is dating. Use the first few dates to evaluate this person and not get caught up in events (e.g. movie), personality quirks (e.g. singing),... Before the 1st date, use communications to only set up the date. Learn about the person during the first couple of dates, and not by texts. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 I always tried to learn the guy's first and last name for safety reasons and refused to meet men who would not tell me. Link to comment
Starseed98 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 if it makes sense, the "drive" was in each of our vehicles to the next destination, a park. Where we sat and discussed the things we like doing, adventures or travels we have been on. We discussed our jobs, hopes for the future professionally, we discussed family, our kids, our siblings, parents and we knew early on enough that texting wasnt either of our strong points. we werent at a loss for conversation, and he did remember some points that I elaborated on from earlier messages. Ie someone in my family with a similar career of his. There was no physical contact and we both knew going in that we arent looking for anything serious but see what happens with not just our first meeting but meetings with others as well. Neither of us are thinking of exclusivity at this point, especially since I am still in the four month stage of a break up. That is also a subject we didnt broach was our past relationships. I never brought it up or asked, and he didnt either, perhaps it was just a feeling of getting too personal too soon and there may be an opportunity later on to do so, and I am fine with that. I am taking baby steps with this whole online dating thing and i apprceciate the input of everybody on this thread, the support here is just amazing! I will remember each reference for future outings if they occur. I have disabled my account for now because I dont want to be too overwhelmed or caught up in all sorts of distractions, I really need this pause lol Link to comment
Starseed98 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Follow up date last night and it was just as great if not more than the first time. I am happy to report We had dinner and watched a comedy show and then spent a few hours getting to know each other more. He did kiss me on the cheek and gave me a lengthy embrace. Things are good so far, but he will be traveling to visit with family for a few days this week. I am also keeping options open until or if and when the subject of exclusivity comes up. Thank you everyone for your support! Link to comment
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