Ms Darcy Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I think part of the problem is that you are focused on what you feel at the moment. In the past you were focused on him and his communications with you. Right now you are focused on closure at this moment. Try to get some distance. Don't be so reactive with everything you feel. Try to get some distance from this situation and put it behind you. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 Because you acted like YOU did not want something casual. You wanted a full time bf. Asking someone if they want space, instead of just giving it to them when they become a bit distant, is a poor way to get attention. Because just giving them the space would prevent them from acting defensively and cutting you off. By "pushing", you accelerate their awareness that what they are looking for is MORE space. I understand but that was no cause for a break up. I would be more understanding if I asked him constantly. That's how I felt at the moment. I wasn't doing it for attention I was just asking. He could have just answered. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 That's not what I meant by short texts. I am aware that taking care of child is a lot. The way he was responding was different. That's how I felt and that's what I saw. I thought I was dating someone who wanted a relationship. I don't believe I was completely wrong and I don't feel like I did the wrong things. He even said in his text to me that he was being distant. When you talk to someone everyday for 5 monthes I'm going to notice a change Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I understand but that was no cause for a break up. I would be more understanding if I asked him constantly. That's how I felt at the moment. I wasn't doing it for attention I was just asking. He could have just answered. Everybody reaches a tipping point. We don't get to judge whether it is reasonable. It simply IS. He reached his; that's that. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 I think part of the problem is that you are focused on what you feel at the moment. In the past you were focused on him and his communications with you. Right now you are focused on closure at this moment. Try to get some distance. Don't be so reactive with everything you feel. Try to get some distance from this situation and put it behind you. I agree I did send him a closure text for me. I needed to do it for myself and he didn't need to reply nor did I want him to reply he told me how he felt and I told him I felt. I'm more of a lets completely close the door type of person I didn't want to hold on to hope. This what I said my mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer it's no excuse for my emotional status but it's probably why I have been : I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reply. It has been pretty tough going through this break up and my mom being sick. I wish you would have told me that you felt this way months ago but I appreciate your honesty. I'm so thankful and blessed to have met you. I wish you and your family all the best and I will continue to pray for your daughter. I hope she is healing well. Thank you for the beautiful memories. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I probably wouldn't have shared all that personal information via text - it could be interpreted as you trying to make him feel guilty. I think it's ok that you texted him and it wasn't necessary for "closure" - once he was distant and no longer wanted to date you that is closure -it's over. Any other closure you give yourself-no need to involve him. What you wrote comes accross as you wanting him to know how much he hurt you and sharing about your mother's crisis situation. The nice words you texted are of course nice but again on text it could come accross as you trying to make the point of how you turn the other cheek. It's why I'm not a fan of texting that level of personal stuff, but that's just me. I hope your mother has a quick and smooth recovery! Link to comment
Asb682 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I probably wouldn't have shared all that personal information via text - it could be interpreted as you trying to make him feel guilty. I think it's ok that you texted him and it wasn't necessary for "closure" - once he was distant and no longer wanted to date you that is closure -it's over. Any other closure you give yourself-no need to involve him. What you wrote comes accross as you wanting him to know how much he hurt you and sharing about your mother's crisis situation. The nice words you texted are of course nice but again on text it could come accross as you trying to make the point of how you turn the other cheek. It's why I'm not a fan of texting that level of personal stuff, but that's just me. I hope your mother has a quick and smooth recovery! I think her text was fine as long as it was genuine, she said how she felt and was polite about it, nothing wrong with that. OP, that being said I know it's hard to see it now, but everything happens for a reason, and he just wasn't the guy for you. It's hard to see the rainbow when you're going through the storm, but in time you will see this was for the best. If you want to mourn the relationship go ahead and give yourself time to do that (I say 2-3 weeks tops), then go out and find someone new (who hasn't had a vasectomy, preferably)! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 I think her text was fine as long as it was genuine, she said how she felt and was polite about it, nothing wrong with that. OP, that being said I know it's hard to see it now, but everything happens for a reason, and he just wasn't the guy for you. It's hard to see the rainbow when you're going through the storm, but in time you will see this was for the best. If you want to mourn the relationship go ahead and give yourself time to do that (I say 2-3 weeks tops), then go out and find someone new (who hasn't had a vasectomy, preferably)! That's ok -we can agree to disagree. I don't think it's wise to share that kind of information via text with someone who has just ended a relationship with you. I do think it would have been ok to text "I'd like to share some thoughts with you -when is a good time for us to talk?" That way the other person will know the other person means to be genuine and not hide behind a screen (that is the impression it gives IMO) and it gives the other person a chance to respond on a phone rather than by typing. I think the typing undercuts the impression of genuineness and honorable intentions. I don't think everything happens for a reason but if there was a reason here it was clear because he had generally incompatible goals from the beginning so the chances of this developing into marriage and family were slim to none. It is definitely for the best if the OP is more selective next time and chooses to look at this not from "I was a victim of a break up by text" and rather as "he did not end it in the most sincere way possible but it was obvious it was not going to go long term" Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.