bamboobam Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I had an argument with my boyfriend about the lack of sex we are having. In the past 3 weeks, we only had sex once. Reason being was that I had a yeast infection, and the week after it was cured, my period was on. During that time period I satisfied my boyfriend with oral sex. So, the only time I had sex was Thursday. Even on Thursday my bf wasn't really in the mood though he promised me he would (it was the day after my period ended). Anyway, the argument started yesterday when I wanted to have sex with him again and he made an excuse that his parents were gonna be home soon (I knew this wasn't true since it was earlier than they usually got home). To also add on for a reference, he is 23 and I am 22. Also, we haven't had sex home alone for a while since Valentines Day when we got a hotel. His job has irregular hours, but he didn't work at all today. However, he was still acting distant when I was attempting to have sex with him. Prior to that, I noticed on his phone that he has been watching porn lately and would rather do that than be excited to have sex with me it seems. The first time I tried having sex today, he gave me oral (the first time in about a month) and I wanted to just jump to the sex since I was that excited. My bf got mad that I didn't want to give him oral so he can finish that way so he ended the session. Fast forward to later on tonight, I tried again and he was complaining about being tired and he pushed me off kinda hard and I slapped his shoulder and said I hated him since he really didn't understand the lack of intimacy I was feeling. I was literally begging! I did apologize for doing that but I was really that frustrated with his oblivious nature to my needs. He kicked me out anyway. The past 2 days it seemed he had more interest in other things such as porn and video games besides me. I don't want to think my bf is gay since he watched females on porn so idk what the issue is. I have tried asking him about it and he lied about watching porn at all though it's on his phone. Idk.. what should I do? Link to comment
Denguin Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Sounds like his feelings are fading. Best thing you can do is give him space. Don't message or contact him for a few days, as hard as it will be. You acted needy (regardless of whether it was justified or not), and you pushed him away as a result. Acting needy now will only push him away further, trust me. Let him come to you. If there's still nothing from him after a week or so, I'd just message him with a, "can we talk about ____?"-esque message and go from there. Do you have a place to stay in the mean time? Link to comment
bamboobam Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 Sounds like his feelings are fading. Best thing you can do is give him space. Don't message or contact him for a few days, as hard as it will be. You acted needy (regardless of whether it was justified or not), and you pushed him away as a result. Acting needy now will only push him away further, trust me. Let him come to you. If there's still nothing from him after a week or so, I'd just message him with a, "can we talk about ____?"-esque message and go from there. Do you have a place to stay in the mean time? I know I was being needy/begging since I felt that desperate. I just feel like I can't get anything out of him sometimes. However, the other day he wanted to talk about me having kids and to stop taking birth control and he was like "What do you say" and it kinda freaked me out a bit and that was as things were getting heated during that session. That was on Thursday the 1 time we had sex. He talks about that a lot and moving out together but not marriage. I don't live with him since I live with my own parents, so we go back and forth to eachother's house. Link to comment
Denguin Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I know I was being needy/begging since I felt that desperate. I just feel like I can't get anything out of him sometimes. However, the other day he wanted to talk about me having kids and to stop taking birth control and he was like "What do you say" and it kinda freaked me out a bit and that was as things were getting heated during that session. That was on Thursday the 1 time we had sex. He talks about that a lot and moving out together but not marriage. I don't live with him since I live with my own parents, so we go back and forth to eachother's house. How did you react when he told you all that? Link to comment
bamboobam Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 How did you react when he told you all that? I kinda freaked out a bit since he seemed serious about it and we were about to have sex. In a weird way, it also turned me on but I don't want kids until after marriage and he is aware of that. There are times he would rub my stomach and say "My seed/kid" is in there. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I kinda freaked out a bit since he seemed serious about it and we were about to have sex. In a weird way, it also turned me on but I don't want kids until after marriage and he is aware of that. There are times he would rub my stomach and say "My seed/kid" is in there. That last part is kind of creepy. Maybe he's disappointed that you don't seem as interested in the idea of kids as he seems to be, so he's not into sex as much because of that.. Link to comment
bamboobam Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 That last part is kind of creepy. Maybe he's disappointed that you don't seem as interested in the idea of kids as he seems to be, so he's not into sex as much because of that.. Idk.... I have no idea what to do or if I did anything wrong. Whenever he wants it, he gets it most of the time. The issue is always with me wanting it. Link to comment
appies Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Regardless of gender putting pressure on someone will not make them want to have sex with you. I think maybe you should chill out and let him come onto you. Link to comment
Deciduous Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Hi Bam, Can I ask, what was your sex life like prior to this period? Is this a radical change in your boyfriend's sexual behaviour - or just a slow change. And how many times does he watch porn on his phone per day. I think that is what you need to ascertain. Do you feel that there may be an addiction to porn. Many men don’t think about their porn use as being a problem until they start experiencing the physical symptoms of overuse. Real sex begins to seem less interesting. They then try to stop and find they can’t. Does this sound familiar? Or do you feel it's not quite relevant to your current situation. Have a look at the link and see if any of it, rings an y bells. link removed Let's try and rule this in or out, first. And what is the rest of your relationship like, currently. Emotional intimacy, conversation, sharing your lives. Are you still connected there, or becoming disconnected. It's difficult to assess this situation, until we get a little bit more background. Take care Deci Link to comment
catfeeder Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I slapped his shoulder and said I hated him I would have kicked you out, too. This is bratty kid stuff, and not exactly a mature way to handle a mature issue. I'd give him space, and if he opts to continue this thing with you at all after that, I'd be grateful and gracious going forward. Accusations and rage are not good methods to bond someone closer to you. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 You simply sound incompatible. If sex is this much work for you two at your age, you're doing it all wrong. I don't normally like to take sides, but he sounds a bit like a dink. Forgive me. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 No sex because of a yeast infection, no sex because of your period (though some guys are fine with it,) then you expect him to have sex on this one particular day when you are finally ready and you are upset because he won't? His parents coming home is legit. He could have been "distant' or not interested because he was thinking about their arrival. And if he has irregular hours and is tired because of work - he doesn't have to have sex with you just because he is physically there on the spot. Seriously, one of you or both of you get your own place and don't be sneaking around at the parents to have sex. That would be a libido killer for me, for sure. I would not be okay with the porn he was watching, but I don't think he is refusing sex because of porn. he only refused it once an no means no, whther you are a man or a woman. and you didn't have sex for two weeks because of your physical issues - so its not like he was declining sex with you over porn Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 What are the ages here? There seems to be an abundance of immature behavior. Link to comment
Iggles Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 What are the ages here? There seems to be an abundance of immature behavior. Agreed. Also, boyfriend has no business making plans for kids when you both live at home. Save up, move out, and get married first. THEN you can plan for babies. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.