prettycutie Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I'm just going to flat out say it: I am a loner. I barely text anymore, the few friends I have left are either too busy with work or school or they just don't do anything fun. After graduating college almost a year ago, my life has seemed to go downhill. I don't adjust well to change and it's really hitting me hard. I've had friends just walk out on me and never heard a word again (I did nothing wrong), my ex bf just walked out on me, and I get shade from people. Like why do I always know the flakes and the cowards and cruel people in my life. It's just too much to handle where I'm at in my life. I've lost 4 or 5 of my closest friends including my ex who was my friend. And all this has happened in under a year, mind you. I know everyone says to get myself out there but with my job schedule it's difficult to. Ever since I graduated, it's been difficult trying to adapt back to the "working world." I went to college for 5 years so this year has been difficult. I honestly have wanted to self harm a couple times. Not extreme but I've felt it. I feel so alone and unwanted (sorry if that sounds juvenile) but idk what to do. I really want my old life back where I was happy. Every day I'm fighting holding back tears. I want a boyfriend and I can't even keep one for a month because of my own issues and communication factors. I tried online dating sites but the guys just stop the conversation all together. But I'm competing with hundreds of prettier girls so I guess I'm used to that. I've been thinking of seeing a therapist and maybe talking to them will help. But at this point I'm alone and I don't like being alone. I know everything happens for a reason but all these changes and adjustments at once is a lot for me. I know this may not seem like a lot to some but to me it is. I feel stuck. I can't get those people back who I've known for years who I've trusted. My old happier life is over so now I feel lost and unsure. I feel as if I'm in a deep dark hole and can't find a way out. I don't know what to do ): Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 That transition from college to the real world can be difficult for some. But you're not alone. For one thing, we're here Talking to a therapist sounds like it'd be a good idea, particularly if you're thinking about self-harm. What kind of work do you do? And what do you like to do in your spare time? Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 I am really glad I found this forum app. but I work retail and sometimes the people annoy me, lol. But yeah that's the thing, I DONT do anything because I have nothing to do. Maybe I could do some weekly volunteering. Because when I'm alone it hits me hard. Like I've said, the few friends I have left at this point never do anything so I'm not used to having all this "free" time with just work. I've practically been in school my whole life so this adjustment is difficult however I know I'm not alone Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 And to add on, I'm an only child and my family lives clear accross the country so basically all I have is myself at this point Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I am really glad I found this forum app. but I work retail and sometimes the people annoy me, lol. But yeah that's the thing, I DONT do anything because I have nothing to do. Maybe I could do some weekly volunteering. Because when I'm alone it hits me hard. Like I've said, the few friends I have left at this point never do anything so I'm not used to having all this "free" time with just work. I've practically been in school my whole life so this adjustment is difficult however I know I'm not alone Do you have any hobbies? Anything you have an interest in that you want to take up? For example, I'm learning how to play piano. Anything like that? I ask because I've been exactly where you are right now, nothing to do and no one to do it with. And it was after college, too. It's important to find those things to occupy that time, though. Volunteering is a GREAT idea! Not only will you be doing good in your community, which will make you feel good in return, you'll be keeping your mind occupied and yes, getting out there, meeting others. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 I used to play piano and took lessons for years. I do kind of miss it but you hit it spot on, nothing to do and no one to do it with. I've never felt like this before in my life. But I need to find hobbies to get myself out there and meet others and keep my mind off the past and negatives and things I can't change. At least I know I'm not alone in this transition stage but quite frankly it bothers me every day. I know there are ways to fix it but at times it feels I'm at such a low it's impossible Link to comment
Natmendez Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I understand how you're feeling completely. I too have recently lost close friends including my ex girlfriend. She was my best friend. The remaining friends I do have don't like to hang out as often so im usually with my family. Anyway I know how awful it can feel when you have nothing to do or anyone to share it with. Feeling alone and insignificant really does take a toll on ones self esteem and self worth. My advice to you is to change your ways. Do things that are out of your comfort zone. You say it's hard to put yourself out there beceuse of work, but there's always a modicum amount of time you can find to free yourself up. I recently registered for an adult soccer team, so I'm hoping to make new friends that way. Anything helps! Just try to do the opposite of what your doing now! Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I used to play piano and took lessons for years. I do kind of miss it but you hit it spot on, nothing to do and no one to do it with. I've never felt like this before in my life. But I need to find hobbies to get myself out there and meet others and keep my mind off the past and negatives and things I can't change. At least I know I'm not alone in this transition stage but quite frankly it bothers me every day. I know there are ways to fix it but at times it feels I'm at such a low it's impossible Yes, it does seem impossible. But trust me, it isn't. I'm not feeling the best right now myself, raw from a recent breakup, but instead of sitting at home tonight thinking about it I'm going to go out and shoot some pool. It's a matter of forcing yourself to do it, trusting that this too shall pass. Because it will. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Recently losing my ex boyfriend has really taken its toll on me. But like you, I'm not alone. I just have to find things to do instead of dwelling over what I can't change. I only wish it was easier to meet new people though. I'm a shy and quiet person so it's hard for me but at this point in my life I need to find a way Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Yes, it does seem impossible. But trust me, it isn't. I'm not feeling the best right now myself, raw from a recent breakup, but instead of sitting at home tonight thinking about it I'm going to go out and shoot some pool. It's a matter of forcing yourself to do it, trusting that this too shall pass. Because it will. I feel the same way but going out and pre-occupying my mind like you do will help. I recently joined a gym, so I guess that's a start. It just isn't the best feeling when you feel you've lost so much as I know you all understand. I know it's not the end of the world but it still is painful Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 I'll never understand why people walk all over me and act like they're my friends or what not then just walk out one day and gone forever. It boggles me some people have the audacity to not fess up to their actions and leave others blinded. Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I feel the same way but going out and pre-occupying my mind like you do will help. I recently joined a gym, so I guess that's a start. It just isn't the best feeling when you feel you've lost so much as I know you all understand. I know it's not the end of the world but it still is painful Yep, the gym will definitely help. Exercise is an excellent way to focus that energy elsewhere. And no, it's not the best feeling when it seems as if there's no one around...it's lousy. But you can change how you feel. it starts with occupying your mind with other things, even if it's nothing more than a book, movie, walk, bike ride, etc. Link to comment
BigKK Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 It could be because you allow people to walk all over you. It sounds like you're not very happy in the state you're in, I suggest work really hard by putting yourself out there. Meetup groups, volunteering, picking up new hobbies, a social sports team. It's uncomfortable at first, but you'll meet people you get along well with. Make sure you get rid of or not spend time with those that are not good for you. A lot of us have been there, the thing is as people we love comfort. The thing is you might feel more comfortable being alone and sad rather than risking rejection and putting yourself in an UNCOMFORTABLE situation, once you're able to get through that feeling, you'll be on the other end and see some light at the end of the tunnel. Right now... no one is going to come out of no where and just offer your friendship, you need to be proactive. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Everyone gets down in the dumps sometimes. When I hit that low, I kind of look at it from the what are my options perspective. I can sit here and feel sorry for myself and feel bad, not an attractive option, or I can do something about it. Granted, the do something part can be tough. I've moved around quite a bit and the hardest part is always making new friends and starting to feel like you belong again. For me, I rely a lot on link removed for groups and ideas of what to get involved with. Also, rather than the gym, which is more alone stuff, I'd look up tennis groups or hiking groups, or even group oriented classes at the gym. Basically ways to meet new people and have some fun too. Going to the gym is OK, playing a game of tennis and then going to grab a smoothie with a bunch of people after is so much more fun. Either way you get a workout, but one is more social and then you definitely feel great after. The other factor is that if you join something and it doesn't fit you, it's OK. Just keep looking for something else. Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 One other thing I would recommend is writing out how you feel. It could be in the form of a letter to one of these friends (that you'd never send, of course!!!), or just kind of a journal type of thing. I know it sounds corny, but it works. One of the issues we have when we feel like this is that there is no one around to share how we feel (or so we think). So, write to yourself Get it all out there. You will feel better afterward. Link to comment
Graysfan Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I have felt exactly the same and similarly raw from a recent break up-he was my best friend and we did a lot together. Try and get back in touch with some old friends, and definitely join a gym! I also signed up for self defence classes that I'm going to have to go to on my own! Try and look around the area and see if there is anything you'd like to do Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Sorry to hear you are going through this. I think if you went to work at a "nice" workplace things could change for you. Are you working in retail using your degree, or working in retail in a position that doesn't require a degree? Time at school is unique. You are young, surrounded by people like yourself, while having not too many responsibilities. I think you could replicate this "feeling" at a great place of work. I recall working at a serious but fun companies and I felt like I was back at uni again. Everyone going through the same thing, having goals, being rewarded, great social functions. I recall working in retail the opposite. If you are working in retail that doesnt really require an education, yes it can be fun, but it can also be a place where people are frustrated, worked too hard, and with no reward. I would not want to work in retail with people who are there only by default. Now if you are in retail using your degree, like at a head office, this opinion does not apply. I agree with the other posters, but think things could turn around for you if you had a good job with a great workplace vibe. Just my two cents.... Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 I'm working in retail that doesn't require a degree but they hired me because of it. However I could move up in this company with my degree eventually. But yeah I am trying to find a job with my degree that I'd actually want and enjoy. I want to feel happy and feeling rewarded for what l'd be doing. You're rjght, I think it would make a difference. And probably wouldn't make me feel as somewhat depressed and down. I just don't like change and don't do well with it. But every day I'm applying to better jobs so guess I'll do that along with trying to find clubs or places to join. Link to comment
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