rainydays1 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 broke up in august. emotional roller coaster from sad, to angry to fine. tried chatting as a friend with her here and there but realize it hurts more to talk to her b/c I sense a coldness and her truly moving on. I just find it hard to believe someone can love you soooo much and then move on so fast. part of me wants to believe she is still thinking about me and I still wait for that phone call. I have dreams about her often which makes trying to forget about her even more harder. nc is hard, I want to let her know I miss her and think of her. do you think I should reach out? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 People can love you --- and then the feelings can end and they move on. If that didn't happen, everyone in the world would be married to their highschool sweetheart. No, she is clear in her moving on. And you need to as well. Link to comment
rainydays1 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 what about all these stories of reconciliation and getting back together then? that's the point of this section of the forum right? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 No -- this forum was originally for stories of getting back together....no a "how to manual". People only reconcile when BOTH parties want to. You cannot get back with someone if they don't want to get back with you. Her cold behavior towards you indicates that she is not interested. Link to comment
rainydays1 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 hmmm...if u only knew who I was and the details of my whole situation. you'd be just as confused as me! haha. I just wonder why I still care after all this time? I never give my heart and I finally did and this was the pay off. pain. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 The forum is full of people who think that their situation is unique and special. And in some ways, it is --- special to them. When we love, we give our hearts and we are vulnerable. And when the relationship ends, it causes pain. You care steill because you haven't accepted that it ended. But you can cherish the memories and the experience and still move on to find love again. Just because it ended doesn't mean it wasn't worth it. Link to comment
rainydays1 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 well thank u for that I need to learn how to fully accept it. sometimes I think I have. i'm much better than I was. I don't know... Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 broke up in august. emotional roller coaster from sad, to angry to fine. tried chatting as a friend with her here and there but realize it hurts more to talk to her b/c I sense a coldness and her truly moving on. I just find it hard to believe someone can love you soooo much and then move on so fast. part of me wants to believe she is still thinking about me and I still wait for that phone call. I have dreams about her often which makes trying to forget about her even more harder. nc is hard, I want to let her know I miss her and think of her. do you think I should reach out? You need to look at it like this. Suppose you reach out to her, and suppose she doesn't respond, or when she does she is once again cold and distant. Will that make you feel any better? Chances are that is how she'll be, so you really need to weigh what could possibly be gained against the likely hits to your psyche. I've had the same thoughts recently regarding my ex, so trust me, I know that urge. You want them to think about you just as much as you're thinking about them, you fear they'll forget about you so you need to remind them of your existence, you hope that sharing how you feel will somehow lead them back to you. But it simply doesn't work that way. Link to comment
rainydays1 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 well then how DOES it work?? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 People meet, are attracted to each other, decide to date. This may or may not turn into a relationship at some point. Within the next 1-1.5 years, life will pose a series of hurdles that the relationship either will, or will not endure. Jobs/health/family. Now, the rose colored glasses are likely off and the cute little habits have become annoying traits (or not). Time continues --- and now, if not careful --- the relationship is a "given" and when many start to take it for granted. Feelings will always ebb and flow. Love matures or stagnates. Relationships, like anything else worth having, take commitment. And time. Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 well then how DOES it work?? Whatever you say doesn't make a difference, doesn't change their mind. They've already made the conscious choice to move on, already having weighed everything you're likely to say. I bet she already knows that you didn't want this, that you likely miss her...why is reminding her of that going to change anything? Link to comment
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