Why does it seem there are more male late bloomers than female late bloomers?

[H8Reality217]

Do you think there are really more male late bloomers than female late bloomers in the world of dating, relationships and sex? more male FA's(FA stands for forever alone, always been single, still a virgin) than female FA's? as in people that are 25+ years of age who have never been in a romantic relationship of the opposite sex, still a virgin. Since it seems the age of 25 is the magic number when it starts to become odd, unusual to still be a virgin or never been in a romantic relationship yet. I do hear of girls posting threads of never having a boyfriend before, still a virgin, but these girls are almost always under age 25, but for guys, it is a variety of different ages, and it is not uncommon to hear of guys in their late 20's and even in their 30's who are still a virgin and never had a girlfriend, and sadly, some even 40's or more.

 

Honestly, it's because I've browsed many forums online, and in sections that discuss dating and relationships, sex, I see more threads started by guys who have never had a girlfriend than I see of girls who have never had a boyfriend. Yes I know that for every girl that has a boyfriend, that guy has a girlfriend, but, I don't know, maybe men are just more vocal about this more than women are? do you think there are just as many female virgins who have never had a boyfriend before as there are male virgins who have never had a girlfriend before? or are there truly more male late bloomers, FA's, virgins than the other way around?

 

My argument to support the possible fact that there are probably more male late bloomers than female late bloomers, FA's, virgins, etc., is because men typically date younger women, which obviously means women typically date older men, and men are dealt with the card, burden, chore of having to be the initiator, yes I consider it a chore, burden, why is it not supposed to be seen or meant as a chore for a guy? Why are us guys, men, supposed to embrace, enjoy taking the lead, taking initiative, leading women, approaching women, being the assertive one and making things happen? I don't care if being the assertive one, going after what you want, means that I get to have the benefit of going after what I want and when I want, Yes I know that if you only do the accepting or rejecting of offers(which is womens role), then you are limited in your choices. If you make the offers you can select who gets them(which is the role men were dealt with), thus controlling that end of it, but women have the final say, they just have to welcome or deny advances, that doesn't require much social effort, social intelligence.

 

And the work is far from finished for the man there even after the woman has said yes to him asking her out on the first date, the man is still expected to progress things, taking the lead in progressing the relationship, we have to initiate the first kiss, progress things romantically or sexually, TAKING THE GOD DAMN IN' LEAD!!!!!

 

That's not fair at all to the shy, quiet, introverted socially-awkward guys, I've always felt that a shy, introverted, socially-awkward woman has a much better chance of getting a boyfriend than an introverted, shy, socially-awkward man will at getting a girlfriend, but unfortuneately, life, reality is not fair, deep inside I wish I was psychologically drilled that into my head earlier in my formative years, my teens mainly, although of course I have heard for a while now that life is not fair but just not enough in order for it to get psychologically drilled into my brain in which I learned to accept and deal with the way things are that are beyond my control, things I can't change, because then it would have motivated me much earlier in my life to take action to fix my issues with women, sadly unfortuneately I can't change the past, if I could turn back the hands of time to be 18 again with the mindset I have now about life, reality not being fair, sadly that is delusion fantasy.

 

It also gets annoying, irritating, frustrating, even pisses me off whenever people say "better late than never, it's never too late, you have plenty of time, it's not a race", easy for those people to say that weren't late bloomers, that got to experience dating and relationships, sex, while in their teens and 20's, which I believe are the prime years.

[dave_1966]

The prime years for sex aren't teens and twenties, sex gets better with age. Well, whilst you can still manage it. if you're describing yourself in this post, there are actions you can take to remedy this. If you're desperately not very confident, see a therapist. You should not be viewing a date as 'work', it should be thrilling and enjoyable. Keeping it light and funny will also make the woman work for you and you'll switch roles possibly. I would suggest listening to some of the many dating self help videos on YouTube initially, and not think too hard about it.

[tom1607307597]

I'm one of these male late bloomers that you're talking about. The idea of forever alone used to be something that I believed in but not anymore. Experience has shown me that most of the chances I had with girls (especially when I was in college) failed because 1.) I was too shy and lacked the courage to take risks and 2.) I was oblivious to that girl being interested in me. Occasionally there were girls who had crushes on me but I had no interest in, almost everyone experiences something like that. Yes there were tons of girls who rejected me in ways ranging from polite to straight up rude. It's part of the process unfortunately. The point is there have been opportunities. Some girls had to have been interested in you at some point even if they weren't exactly your type.

 

The fact is we live in a society where men are expected to do pretty much all of the initial work: being assertive, asking her out, paying for dinner, etc. While some women may be more open to the idea of asking a guy out, most women still expect men to do all that. Look at how women are raised and taught about dating. I doubt you were raised to think that someday a beautiful woman would come sweep you off your feet. The situation sucks for shy, introverted, and socially awkward guys. I understand that feeling completely; but complaining about the situation doesn't do anything. If you don't approach some other guy will and the only women interested in you will be leftover single women you may not even like. That's when you really have no choice. If you don't try to improve your situation nothing will change. The years will go by and the world won't stop to help you out because you think the system is unfair. There's a saying: beggars can't be choosers and that really applies here. Honestly you have to accept some responsibility for whether or not you end up forever alone.

 

Here's an article by Dr. Nerdlove about why women don't approach men. He's a self-proclaimed feminist but gives some solid advice aimed at geeks or nerds who need help figuring out how to go about dating: link removed. Best of luck

 

Edit: To answer your original question, shyness and not being assertive are perfectly accepted traits for women because they work with the dating beliefs that are already in place. So when there are shy or introverted women out there, there are more men willing to date them. It doesn't work the other way around because of reasons explained previously. You could also argue about how men are more drawn towards physical attractiveness and women put less emphasis on it. So being shy or introverted is not a deal breaker as long as she is wife/girlfriend material. That calls for a different discussion though.

[H8Reality217]

still, it's difficult to not be bitter and resentful about women due to how women are so damn passive

[chickadeedee]

Well, it is well known biologically that men mature later than women do. I've seen many 19 year old boys who still have not grown into the full height and adult musculature etc. and emotional maturity is also tied to physical maturity. But it is really individually based and driven by a person's genetics though as a rule females do mature sooner than males.

[chickadeedee]

And this: 'That's not fair at all to the shy, quiet, introverted socially-awkward guys, '

 

You can waste a whole lot of time scratching your mad spot about what is and isn't fair, but that is really a waste of time and doesn't get you anywhere. If you want to succeed in life, you need to decide what you want from life, then take steps and plans to go get it for yourself. People who are successful decide what they want, then throw their energies into finding ways to get it, and don't quit when they encounter a frustration and don't have instant successs. They keep working towards it in spite of obstacles of any kind.

 

So do an analysis of whatever you think your weak points are and start putting effort into fixing them. If you feel you are too frail looking and not attracting women, then start exercising and working out. If you feel you are too shy, then consider reading books and taking classes on how to speak and overcome shyness. If you feel you look geeky, do research into what the best current fashion is for people your age and work on getting a new wardrobe. Start joining activities where you can socially interact with people and practice your social skills until you are less awkward.

 

Nobody promises an easy life where you instantly get what you want. So follow the lead of successful people and start setting goals and working towards them. you won't get there overnight, but you will get there if you start working towards it today.

[mhowe]

still, it's difficult to not be bitter and resentful about women due to how women are so damn passive

Your hypothesis is nothing but self serving. I am twice your age and arguably grew up when the woman's role was "more passive" and can honestly say I have "started" 75% of my long term relationships by initially asking the guy out.

 

If you are painfully shy (as I once was) it is up to you to remedy the situation because not dating will be the least of your worries.

[bulletproof]

still, it's difficult to not be bitter and resentful about women due to how women are so damn passive

 

You have a choice whether to be bitter and resentful. All that bitterness will get you is even fewer connections with women.

An excessive degree of shyness and introversion will hold you back in many ways in life, whether you're male or female. It's not good for getting jobs, excelling in jobs, making friends, or dating. So best to address it now instead of lamenting the unfairness of life. Every person, male or female, has his or her own struggles to bear. You are going down a very dangerous road right now, and my suggestion to you is to stop wasting time reading internet forums about this subject, or calling yourself an "FA." Use the internet to research how you can improve your situation instead, and consider therapy as well.

[BrianH46]

still, it's difficult to not be bitter and resentful about women due to how women are so damn passive

 

You are resentful and bitter because women are passive yet you yourself are passive. Somewhat hypocritical no? Anyhow I see dating like I see fishing, you're not going to catch anything if you don't put bait in the water, you won't catch quality fish without quality bait and you're not going to be able to land the fish without any experience.

[Jacobah77]

It's mostly because the educational system (the place where you stay 80% of your youth) is a very passive place where lively boys (called "adhd anti-social evil monsters of destruction") are given heavy drugs to cease exist. The rest of the boys just adapt to the passiveness of the school system and end up being depressed the rest of their lives.

 

And I hold no grudge against girls as many will maybe like to protest, they didn't decide of the school system; everybody has to endure it.

[Wayfara]

still, it's difficult to not be bitter and resentful about women due to how women are so damn passive

 

Passive as in not approaching men they are not attracted to? I think most times women don't approach it's simply because the man isn't on in their romantic radar and nothing to do with seeing it as the man's job (well I'm not from the US so it might be more gender conservative roles there). I am pretty visual/superficial so looks matters to me, yet I've never felt immediate sexual attraction to a stranger, I might admire his facial structure like I would a painting but there is no incentive to ask him out, I don't know him so I don't care whether or not I see him again. Many of my female friends are the same, they get attracted/interested only after they know the guy. My impression is that men more often get immediately attracted to female strangers based on looks than the reverse which gives these men incentive to act on that. That said half of the relationships of my female friends begun with them making the first move so when women are given the time to get interested in a man I don't think most women are against making a move unless they too shy to do so.

 

Anyway in my opinion, speaking philosophically, men being pressured to take the initiative is unfair, initiating is nobody's job so no one should be pressured to do it. Women not taking the initiative isn't unfair though, as it's nobody's job, not even women's job, they shouldn't be pressured to do it either. It should be voluntary for both genders and if that means nobody is willing to take the initiative then so be it, continuing the human race isn't an ethical obligation we have, and if more men than women choose to initiate well that is their choice, women are allowed to choose differently. As long the choice of initiating or not initiating is done in freedom it's all fair, but as with all choices one has to accept the consequences of it. Choose to approach only if you can accept the risk of rejection and abstain approaching only if you can accept the risk that they won't approach you either because just as it's not your job to initiate it's not theirs.

 

When it comes to sex and relationships it takes two to tango so sex and relationships are only fair when they are mutually and voluntary agreed to so to me there is nothing unfair about a man or woman being a forever alone virgin, as tragic the situation might be, unless it happened due to unfair circumstances (i.e consenting adults stopped from being with each other in criminal/unethical ways).

 

I think bitterness comes from the false notion that we deserve relationships and sex for being a good person, in reality we can never deserve those things.

[H8Reality217]

well nice to hear this from a womans perspective, as for the false notion that we deserve relationships for being a good person, well it doesn't help that sex is everywhere, from porn, magazines, the media, movies, seeing scenes that show human sexuality is like a slap in the face for the involuntary celibate person, it's like rubbing it in, and movies such as American Pie, Superbad, the 40-year old Virgin, that laugh at, make fun of or pressure guys to get laid.

[Wayfara]

well nice to hear this from a womans perspective, as for the false notion that we deserve relationships for being a good person, well it doesn't help that sex is everywhere, from porn, magazines, the media, movies, seeing scenes that show human sexuality is like a slap in the face for the involuntary celibate person, it's like rubbing it in, and movies such as American Pie, Superbad, the 40-year old Virgin, that laugh at, make fun of or pressure guys to get laid.

 

I understand it can be tough but it would hard to society to be considerate to all people, no kids on TV because some are infertile, no cakes in consideration for the diabetics, no healthy people looking forward a long life when there are people battling with cancer, so on until nothing would be left, the result would be pretty boring.

 

I agree older virgins shouldn't be made fun of or pressured to get laid but don't let these bullies dictate how you feel about yourself. Immature bullies are poor experts on people's worth, instead create your own opinion on the matter, do you think virgins ought to be ashamed of themselves? If no, well, nothing to be ashamed of.

[bulletproof]

I understand it can be tough but it would hard to society to be considerate to all people, no kids on TV because some are infertile, no cakes in consideration for the diabetics, no healthy people looking forward a long life when there are people battling with cancer, so on until nothing would be left, the result would be pretty boring.

 

I totally agree with this, and would add that we all have the choice about what we watch, read, etc. What we surround ourselves with matters.

[H8Reality217]

It's mostly because the educational system (the place where you stay 80% of your youth) is a very passive place where lively boys (called "adhd anti-social evil monsters of destruction") are given heavy drugs to cease exist. The rest of the boys just adapt to the passiveness of the school system and end up being depressed the rest of their lives.

 

And I hold no grudge against girls as many will maybe like to protest, they didn't decide of the school system; everybody has to endure it.

 

even though our past does not equal, dictate the future, it only does if we let it, but it feels like a guys social-upbringing, the way he is raised by his parents, family, childhood social experiences, have a much bigger impact on his dating life/sex life than the other way around.

[m1garand427]

I think bitterness comes from the false notion that we deserve relationships and sex for being a good person, in reality we can never deserve those things.

 

Not for being a "good person" you should be the same regardless. Things like love and sex or even simply being physical with someone such as a hug or a touch is a biological need that every human (even animals) need to function and grow into healthy beings. So when humans are stagnant from these things it affects them and affects them negatively. Maybe not so much at first but more so later on in life. Its sad that women are the gatekeepers of the physical world and therefore can have the love they want whenever they want. Yes im a 25 year old virgin and i hadn't even hugged another girl until I was 24, it was frustrating and became difficult when you yearn for something as simple as a hug or even a touch and cannot receive it, it does affect people. It pisses me off when a girl (who most likely gets all her physical and emotional needs met) says its too bad when someone else who barely or never experienced it steps up and asks why.

[mhowe]

How are women the gatekeepers of the physical world? A woman cannot touch whomever she chooses!

[m1garand427]

How are women the gatekeepers of the physical world? A woman cannot touch whomever she chooses!

 

They are the ones with the final say in all things dating and sexual. 90 percent of relationships are ended by women. I talked to a girl who dated a guy for 3 years and broke up with him because he got weird when he drank. WHAT!!!! 3 YEARS and she couldn't even work with him to help him maybe or they could work together to see a therapist, work through the problem like my sister did with her no husband?!?! But she just dropped him like that after 3 years. Scary .

[mhowe]

Not everyone has a need to solve someone else's problems.

 

 

They are the ones with the final say in all things dating and sexual. 90 percent of relationships are ended by women. I talked to a girl who dated a guy for 3 years and broke up with him because he got weird when he drank. WHAT!!!! 3 YEARS and she couldn't even work with him to help him maybe or they could work together to see a therapist, work through the problem like my sister did with her no husband?!?! But she just dropped him like that after 3 years. Scary .

[mhowe]

Where are you getting your erroneous statistics?

[m1garand427]

Not everyone has a need to solve someone else's problems.

 

If I was with a girl for 3 years,....yeah you better be damn sure she is important enough to solve problems with! I would go to the ends of the earth for a girl I loved to make things work! For a woman to throw in the towel after 3 years ad not give a damn is scary. Where the **** is empathy with you women anymore! I swear to God I hate this modern society more and more everyday.......Im also getting my info from life experience and observations around me. I have read in psychology journals that girls really dont have the ability for true empathy with guys so it doesn't surprise me but it is disheartening. Show me something different I really hope you can, Im hoping some girl can come along to prove that wrong, but I havent seen it.

[Capricorn3]

Where the **** is empathy with you women anymore!.

Excuse me?? This is not a female issue. Just as many men lack empathy. Not only that, but there are tons of threads here about guys ending a relationship after 3 years, 5 years etc etc. What she did was totally the right thing to do, for HER. Why should she stay with a drunk? She can't help him, because the only one who can help him with his drinking problem is himself. She had every right to end it.

 

Seems this thread is nothing but a gender bashing thread.

[m1garand427]

Excuse me?? This is not a female issue. Just as many men lack empathy. Not only that, but there are tons of threads here about guys ending a relationship after 3 years, 5 years etc etc. What she did was totally the right thing to do, for HER. Why should she stay with a drunk? She can't help him, because the only one who can help him with his drinking problem is himself. She had every right to end it.

 

Seems this thread is nothing but a gender bashing thread.

 

Why did my sister stay with a drunk and help him through it and ended up raising a beautiful girl? Because she cared enough. I could see if they were moving away or they were legitimately unable to continue the relationship to end it mutually. That tells me alot about how she really cared for him.

[Capricorn3]

Why did my sister stay with a drunk and help him through it and ended up raising a beautiful girl? Because she cared enough. I could see if they were moving away or they were legitimately unable to continue the relationship to end it mutually. That tells me alot about how she really cared for him.

 

Just because it worked for your sister, doesn't mean it will automatically apply to every single couple on the planet. Everyone is different. Everyone's situation is different. No two relationships are alike and you cannot compare, simply because you have NO idea what goes on in anyone's life. You have absolutely no idea how much she cared for the guy.

[H8Reality217]

They are the ones with the final say in all things dating and sexual. 90 percent of relationships are ended by women. I talked to a girl who dated a guy for 3 years and broke up with him because he got weird when he drank. WHAT!!!! 3 YEARS and she couldn't even work with him to help him maybe or they could work together to see a therapist, work through the problem like my sister did with her no husband?!?! But she just dropped him like that after 3 years. Scary .

 

and usually if things don't go past the first or second date, it's usually because the girl, not the guy, that end up losing interest, losing attraction, I hate it whenever people try to argue this point by disagreeing by who has it easier, by saying "for every girl that has a boyfriend, that guy has a girlfriend" DUH I IN' KNOW THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, but the guy had to do all of the god damn work in order to make it happen, and pisses me off whenever people say that real men make things happen, it makes me feel like punching a random dudes lights out, hate how life, society, reality, culture, expects us guys to toughen it up all the damn time, punching him should prove that I am a Masculine Man, since fighting is an act of aggression, and testosterone is the male dominant hormone, and testosterone is associated with aggression, so I would be using my balls for a logical reason.